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[–] MysteryAround 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I wish I could help but I am not a master in editing. I suggest to ask for help https://www.ozessay.com.au/ . They are professionals in their field. Hope it helps.

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[–] 1moar 1 points 1 points (+2|-1) ago 

I'll take a check and see, might be a day or so but I will post back.

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[–] pinklb_q 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

I'm definitely not going to read this all but you have a lot of redundancy and unnecessary synonyms.

Imbibed water... eaten food.

That's just drunk or eaten. No need for anything else.

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[–] rieekan 1 points -1 points (+0|-1) ago