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[–] CrudOMatic ago  (edited ago)

Hello, FBI? I just want to say that I <3 dicks. I <3 dicks so much that I want them deep inside me - so deep that they push against my <3. In fact, my only goal in life is to invent a controllable mutagenic serum so I can create a field of dicks, and then mutate myself into a big gay bee that just flies around, sucking the nectar out of all the dick flowers. All day looooooong. Oh? What was the point of me calling? Well, other than telling you that I'm the most incorrigible and unmitigated faggot to ever exist, I have information that could lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton.

Closeup on our hero, 3 days later. Pan out to reveal him swinging by the neck in a closet. Rot already setting in. Writhing maggots in flesh. Fade to black. Spinning newspaper. Headline reads "30% Of All Suicides Seem To Be LGBT Related". Column sidestory reads "Another Clinton Lead Ends Up In Suicide".