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[–] Apexbreed 1 points 53 points (+54|-1) ago 

My mom was a complete cunt to my sister and I growing up. She cucked my dad repeatedly until she divorced him. She was a garbage human being. And in response, I stopped trying to please her and stopped trying to be a good son. She was never a good mother, so why should I have to be a good son? As soon as I stopped kissing her ass, she stopped being a cunt. Funny how that works. People like her (and your dad, apparently) take advantage of people who treat them well. It's just in their nature. I wouldn't lift a finger for him again. He'll manage without you.

Everyone calling you out and saying you should still be his servant because he's your dad, is a pushover and the type of person that gets used and played. Fuck that. Live for yourself, and help people who deserve your time.

[–] HillBoulder 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

I agree. If no effort to change at all is being made by someone that miserable then give it up and let them die alone and miserable. They can figure it out in their next life.

[–] godamn 1 points -1 points (+0|-1) ago 

What doth life?

[–] Unreasonable 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a bitch to deal with in parents.

Go no contact. Cut them from your life like a cancer.

[–] chirogonemd 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago  (edited ago)

I have had to care for older folks in my family - albeit not as mean spirited. I've found it is nearly universal that the more someone comes to depend on you, the more they tend to resent you, and the greater the degree to which you offer yourself freely out of sheer kindness, the more bitterly these people expect it. It creates a nasty swamp of things. It hurts because it flies right in the face of what we think about "the good", or what good people ought to be like, or think like.

It also makes things worse by creating expectations. Despite resenting your for it, these people will still expect your help, and if you've been doing it long enough, they'll become extremely bitter to you if you stop. The real bitch of it, is they will treat better the people in your life and theirs who never even lifted a finger to help.

It seems that at no matter what stage of life, people respect you to the extent you respect yourself. You may feel a sense of duty to your ancestors (or to those who sacrificed a lot for you) to hand yourself over freely, but there is a definite line that you can cross. I agree that the duty you feel does exist. But it can't come at the loss of your self-respect. The people you are helping need to experience the pressure to do for themselves, whatever it is they are capable of, for as long as they are capable of it.

If you start permitting someone to do nothing for themselves (at least doing for them something they could do themselves), they'll gladly stop doing it and expect you to do it, at the same time losing respect for you for not having the respect for yourself to tell them straight.

It's kind of like this odd reversal of the child-parent relationship. Children resent their parents for being helicopters, and for not disciplining them and setting strong boundaries. It's the same thing here. A person wants to "feel" the boundaries of your personhood and your self-respect, and if you make it clear you allow those lines to be crossed, you lose respect - even if you are extremely kind and helpful.

[–] Apexbreed 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Well said, friend. Saved.

[–] ottermom56 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

it works that way sometimes, other times people remain awful