I have a single one that comes to mind and on the surface, it seems like it shouldn't be one of those, but it is. The bits I do recall are hazy, almost dream-like.
A few years ago, I was browsing the interwebs as I normally do when I came across a public forum (no login required to view). That's all I can remember about it -- that it's a forum and the name was something innocuous. My brain refuses to let me recall much more than that; I have no idea what it was called, no idea what the color scheme was (maybe blues and greens??), no clue what the domain was. Everything was text-only, no images.
Even if I wanted to (and I will never), I wouldn't know how to find it again. All I know is it definitely exists and it's publicly accessible, no need for tor or anything.
This forum was a motherfucking pro-pedophilia discussion board with a shitload of activity and members.
Now most goats have seen pro-pedo shit in the past. You know, where they try to portray themselves as normal folks with an unusual craving, there's nothing wrong with their desires, they don't act on it, all they want is acceptance, blah blah blah.
This was not that. The posts I saw were of the most purest evil I'd ever seen -- I remember all of this somewhat vividly, going down the rabbit hole. Every contributor seemed proud to be what they were, they seemed to think themselves clever for their degeneracy. Every single contributor there was an active-fucking-pedophile and they were all trading tips.
Gore doesn't bug me. Execution footage, traffic fatalities, suicides on webcams, whatever. This shit disturbed me to my core and still does even now.
Every single post I read was submitted by someone with apparently at least one child in their life. They were talking about "thighing" techniques -- apparently if the kid is too small/young to get fucked by an adult, you can still "train" them by fucking their thighs. Either gender is fair game.
They traded recommended dosages for various drug cocktails, including tips for delivery. One poster talked about how his kid was "learning" to smoke meth, how he asks for it and would get it as a reward if a thighing session went well. Another was criticized for injecting his child with heroin due to the risk of "loss." Some of the posts mentioned the child's age, some didn't.
Another poster wanted to train his little girl to "recruit" kindergartners from her class to bring home so they could "play" together. There was one that claimed after years of regular incestuous contact, his teen daughter wanted to get pregnant with him so they could train the infant together for similar "love." That post received praise. Another post that stuck out was about an adult couple that apparently enjoyed sharing the "love" with their child (and injecting each other with shit).
All of the posters bragged about how their victims enjoyed the treatment in the most sickeningly happy way. None of the contacts seemed like one-offs, like if they went to a park, diddled a kid and left -- they were all seemingly regular encounters with the same victims for years at a time.
I don't remember much from that night. I don't remember how long I was on that forum or how I exited it -- everything is for the most part a horrifying blur. I do remember being in a frozen state of immobile shock, stuck between furious shaking anger and wanting to punch out my monitor.
I'm quite certain these memories will haunt me till I die. I've done a lot of horrible shit and I have a lot of bad memories, but the worse by far is my memory of that forum, even in its incomplete state. It continues to rise to the surface randomly, keeping me up at night, each time with the same impact as if I was experiencing it for the first time.
I don't know why I thought writing about this would make me feel better. I think the only way I could ever hope to make a small dent is by killing those monsters.
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[–] middle_path 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Wow, dude that's pretty awful. My mother is a part time forensic nurse (for rape victims), specializing in pediatrics. Unfortunately I've heard some pretty awful stories and 95% of the time it's someone close to the child and continuous.
My worst memory is more tame. I used to have a pet snake and I would feed it live rats. Ball pythons can be infamous for going on hunger strikes. So I'd buy a rat, she wouldn't eat, then I'd have to return it to the store. Unfortunately the store is about 20 minutes out of my way. So I put the rat in a small cramped cage with some water and food (crackers or something) and totally forgot about it as it was in another room.
I finally remembered I had the thing a week later. It had spilled the water and food, and been festering in wet shit the entire time. It looked dehydrated and emaciated. I felt so guilty, I tried to give it a bath in the sink. Me moving it must have hurt it as it let out an awful squeal. The sound still haunts me.
I put it outdoors and flipped a kiddy pool over it. Left more water and crackers. I was hoping it would eat or drink without me there or at least feed some hungry snake.
I flipped open the pool a few days later and found a pile of bones and fur. I never minded when the snake ate them, but this one's death weighs pretty heavily on me.