There are so many here that still cling to a idea of perfection of idols. That without the reality around us being 100% perfect to have a ideal perfect human as the truth.. that you can find perfection or a truth. The terrible truth about adolf hitler. was that he was not a mass murderer. he was not about destruction he was trying to save humanity and he did that by not being the worst of humans. Look at how the jews reacted to it. With hatred and destruction. They murdered the germans they murdered them for there desire for peace and freedom.
I love my boyfriend. He saved me from the shadow. and as i said before. The idea of being with a women hurt to much to even acknowledge. Because I saw the slavery of our society and i could never raise a child to be a slave. The hope that maybe we can shatter the darkness of this world. Is terrible. There is darkness within me Dark horrific things and I stare those things right in the eyes. While others ignore them and then crumble when they are offered those terrible pleasures because they pretend or suppress them or they do not know they even exist because they ignore the evil within just pretending it away.
I admit that i have had terrible thoughts sexual deviancy in my imagination. but the truth is the thought of actually bringing that into reality fills me only with disgust or revulsion and the knowledge that other humans those with power. I see them and I see the eyes of those without morals lieing to protect themselves. there is a diffrence between lying to protect good and lying to protect evil. I do not struggle to make myself not give into darkness because The darkness is part of me its the lens i use to see the darkness of this world and others. It has a pourpose and a use and it can play in my imagination all it wants. but there is no thought or need or even the basest desire to bring it into reality.
Why live in illusion a lie or a pretend perfection. Who does the illusion protect? Good or evil? What does the idea of graven images and idols protect? We are all human. I hate the idea of sin The idea we need to repent for our humanity. We do not need to repent or confess or feel horrible for the darkness within us. If you harness it it can be the greatest ally against evil because through that. you can see the evil in this world. It can protect you from that evil. until it no longer is darkness but your shield your armor. Tell me what you would rather have. A idol or a person that pretends and lies. Or the truth? the lie is the social currency that is created by the media by social media by the bankers. Only by shattering that lie, by rejecting the notion they have made can we make our way towards the truth.
If being human instead of a false image is always to much for everyone. Everytime I reveal the depths of myself. When I let go of the mask and show someone what i can comphrend or understand. every person turned away and ran from me They want the peace of the happy lie of believing the falsehoods of this world. Until I met my boyfriend he accepted the truth even though he didnt know it. I have no one else that is willing to just accept the fallibility and weakness of what it means to be human and the truth is that weakness of humans that fallibility is treated as the scum the weakness and revealing the grey strange nature of life is forbidden everywhere. I have never spoke it anywhere without someone giving scorn or hatred in one way or another because I do not profess that thing of perfection that I am free of whatever they see as sin and horridness.I have pain because I have not let go of what I feel of the truth even though for a long time I had to wear the mask for so long because I had to protect myself because I was surrounded by powerful people hungry wolves seeking flesh to mold into dark shapes. Survival is all that mattered.
There is nothing I have ever wanted more is a better world The only diffrence Is i have one human that keeps not alone. Having hope is terrifying but the only thing keeping me going was that i won. I was not one of the taken and "chosen". Im free. What answers are there to have. but to survive and not give into that darkness inside to tame it into something else. How many people are like me. How many people could keep themselves sane knowing the darkness is around you and will give you everything you desire. every dark impulse every pleasure you will never have again when you are that young.
I remember thinking I was evil. that i was a sinner that i was crazy. I am insane because I told the darkness no I kept my humanity and i did not damn myself and that is what our society tells our youth to do. Its what we are told to do that it is inevitable I remember those thoughts when i was young even as i tore myself inside fighting through those youthful impulses. every day the emotions and the horror of reality weighing on me alone someone that could see everything but when you have no one to share it with because that impulse of darkness of lust compels you to give in and the more it compelled me the more I shied away from those those feelings from others because i did not trust it and i still don't.
Is it better to lie to you and tell you i'm another straight perfect white male. to say all the things you want to agree with me about. Or to challenge that perfect ideal. A lie or the truth. Another weak and fallible human that wants a better world. Because the NSA will use everything on everyone to smash them down. they will remove all the bits of goodness in our lives in those moments and just leak the shadows the worst of us. the worst impulses the worst thoughts. and those that have climbed into there own minds and found the shadow will have the darkest fantasies because those are fantasies and not the reality and that is the truth because the only way to make something stronger is to use it to make the part of you able to understand the shadow better has to be exercised and i do have dark fantasies that come from that place, but it is not reality and i will never make those thoughts reality.
Did you want the truth or a lie?