I have a cognitive dissonance I need help resolving.
I believe all life is sacred, yet I'm not a vegetarian. I respect the animals I eat but think people who aren't prepared to kill the animals themselves shouldn't be able to buy it off the shelf and eat it.
I believe all life is sacred, yet struggle to justify continuing living myself.
I have a chronic illness. I have good days and bad. I've been around for over 3 decades, had a good crack at life. But the bad days are more frequent and getting worse.
My dreams I once pursued are in the dust now. My guilt for staying around for family and friends is turning into resentment. Cold logic reasoning coloured with my depression tells me I am a burden on society. If I force myself into menial tasks, I'm a burden on society and myself. I'm not sure I'm capable of feeling love in relationships any more.
I died inside years ago and have failed to rekindle the flame. I had some powerful religious experiences but find myself further and further from any sense of connection again.
So, give me shit if you like - nothing I've not screamed at myself internally before. But just thought I'd open the floor to some insight incase I missed something. I'm nearing the end of my rope. Any fellow older goats with wisdom I've yet to conquor?