My high school sweetheart. She was so magical.
She was my best friend.
High school ended, she went to college, I went to Iraq. We talked the whole time, stayed close. MySpace was a thing back then. We shared songs, I sent her gifts and love letters. And this wasn't some delusional crush accelerated by the drama of war; we we're in love. She was my favorite person ever. It was the best.... Then I came home.
I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was mad. I would get angry. I was obsessed with the political roots and ramifications of the Iraq War. I became selfish and self-defeating. And slowly but surely, I pushed her away. All she wanted to do was love me and I couldn't get over myself enough to treat her like I really wanted to - like she really deserved. And one day, she was gone.
They say the brain doesn't know the difference between physical pain and emotional pain. By that standard, I died the day she left. I died. My soul left me, and I laid in the grass in the blistering sun and died.
This was 6 years ago. Since then, sure, I've had a couple girlfriends and a few one night stands (which really don't help), but I've never fallen in love. It didn't help that she seemed to move on so fast. She got married and had kids. I'm still cleaning rifles and waiting for the sun to go down.
Sometimes, she just comes flooding back. Usually in dreams that are too real to be dreams. I can smell her, hear her cry, hear her laugh. And when I wake up, I'm alone again.
I miss her.