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[–] syntaxaxe 1 points 29 points (+30|-1) ago 

I sympathize. I had once, in younger years, been in a similar situation. The road through hell is dark and long.

But let it be the road through, not to hell. The struggle always forges strength, so long as you don't give in.

If you'll tolerate the ramblings of an old man (relative to most of this site, probably), I'll share some small bit of my experience, in the hopes that it helps. I met a woman for whom I felt a connection that I didn't know people could have. Everything was fire and passion, and I felt more strongly for her than I did the whole rest of the world. We had a few years together, and life was an adventure. Things made sense. I won't go into it, but we parted ways in a dramatic mess. For years, I thought I had lost everything. I slept with other women, I dated other women, had some relationships. I had some girls I cared for, but I thought I'd never love in color again. Life could be good or bad, but it was always gray.

I struggled, thinking that time does not heal all wounds. But, as always happens with time, I grew and changed, bit by bit, until I was someone different. The day came where the woman she was wouldn't have fit who I became anymore. I found passion again in life pursuits that wouldn't mean anything to who I was back then, and didn't require a woman. I was something more than I was before, and it didn't feel like I lost back then, only that I had experiences that helped me on my path to here.

And then I met another woman. She was a woman who would not have fit the man I was in those lost and lonely days. She would not have completed that man the way my first love did. However, she fit the newer, more grown and already complete man that I had become. She fit perfectly, as though we were puzzle pieces, whole in and of ourselves, but built specifically to fit into one another and become a new whole. That whole was the family that we built. I wouldn't change a single experience that led me here, including all the suffering of that younger me. It was exactly what I needed.

So, if my advice means anything- First and foremost, don't give up. Next, instead of trying to reclaim those past highs as they were, grow. Engage with life, study, struggle, learn, be more. Fight. You will overcome. Know it. And when you do overcome, although you'll never have the girl you once had, you'll have the opportunity to find the family that belongs with the man you've become.

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[–] Dr_Shekel_Nigger 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

This. I lost my first huge love and after years, thought I'd never find a real replacement. I've found someone now who fits me even better probably than the lost love would have fit me. It's hard to compare and say who would fit better, but I'm as much in love with who I am with now, someone I never thought I'd meet or be able to be with, after years of feeling that I'd probably never find true love again, I found it and more. My advice, like the post above, would be to live your life, enjoy your life, and just know that there are surely still many more surprises left on your road of life ahead of you

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[–] 10043307 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Goddammit. Sadz. I hope you don't blame yourself too much. War really ravages a person.

If you get a chance to say sorry (if you wanted to) or say something you weren't able to before in order to find closure, it might help you move forward. If you're not able to speak with her directly, you can try writing her a letter... Then send it away somehow... Like burning it, or letting the ocean take it away, or something.

6 years is a lot. You deserve to move on and find happiness. You can still cherish her, but you must open yourself up to new opportunities now.

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[–] Ricky-Spanish 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago  (edited ago)

It's the God damn pheromones. Some woman just have that effect on you. But don't worry, there are so many humans... statistically, there should be a fuck ton of women that can make you feel the same way.

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[–] A6-EGO 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Trouble is finding them. I'm not OP but I've got my own quirks. I know that there is a woman out there with quirks of her own which would fit perfectly. However that doesn't mean anything if you don't find them.

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[–] The-Dude-Abides 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago  (edited ago)

It happens to the best of us. Slightly similar situation with me. Highschool sweetheart, enlisted, came back from a deployment.

Aaanyway... I came home on leave and my buddy picked me up from the airport. First ten minutes into the car ride home he tells me flat out that my girlfriend was banging someone while I was away.

He said he just didnt know how to possibly word that via an email to someone who was deployed, and hoped I would forgive him for waiting to tell me in person.

Needless to say, he and I are still great friends.

Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. That's what I learned during my time in service.

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[–] WhiteRonin 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

That is a friend.

He probably went through serious moral dilemma thinking about when he should tell you.

That's a real friend

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[–] bikergang_accountant 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Here's my story but different. High school sweetheart. Similar in that I wish I'd married her. We were on track for that. I accepted society's yellow pill (yellow the color of piss stupid) that you are too young to think about marriage. Like I said, I swollowed it. I just straight up walked out of the relationship and went to college. I just disapeared one day. Dumbest most autistic day of my life. My life would be so different if I just changed that one thing. I'd be married with children.

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[–] zipcodemonster 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Keep it together. I'm sorry this happened to you, especially because the primary issue seems to be your time in Iraq. The others are right, though, nothing left to do but move on. It's not trivial but try not to let Iraq cost you anything more. Also, try to take her off the pedestal you've built with your memories. I had an ex last year that I lived with. I remember that time fondly and regret that she's gone... But if I remember more accurately we fought almost every day. It's always helpful or funny to me when I see a beautiful girl and remember that someone, somewhere is sick of her shit. She was your first love and helped you get through Iraq. I understand that that's a big deal.

Keep dating, you can't let her or Iraq or whatever is causing this issue to win. If you need it get professional help. Feel free to PM. I'm not great at any of this but whatever.

Hoping things get better for you!

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[–] SOULESS 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago  (edited ago)

You gave up and stopped searching. You need to move on and put the effort to find your new better half. It takes a lot of work to get what you want.

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[–] HappyHacking 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

You are a beautiful human being.

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