[–] patricoles 0 points 24 points (+24|-0) ago 

Oh god okay I have to share this one. The story is totally fucked.

Basically I had this flatmate - let's call him Alan - who was from Hong Kong and was very reclusive and quiet. Now, this in itself isn't that odd as from my experience lots of international students tend to stick to themselves and don't necessarily mix with gen pop, but whatever. So the one unique characteristic of Alan is that he used to ALWAYS order Chinese takeaway. He would order it frequently, and he would order a LOT of it, like boxes stacked on boxes. It was a fuck load of food for one person, but Alan was skinny AF, so I did wonder what was going on. This was pretty much the only time you would see him, and he would take his food straight back to his room and that was that.

Now this pattern continued for the first couple of months, but then we stopped seeing Alan. No more takeaway, nothing. Now this didn't raise much suspicion as he was always an enigma, but coming to the end of the semester a really RANCID smell started to engulf the flat hallway. Like this putrid, overwhelming smell. The kind that made you gag just getting a whiff of it. It was really unbearable. And, surprise surprise, the smell was coming from Alan's room. We hoped the smell would eventually clear up but it just got worse. At first me and my buddies were hesitant to knock on his door as it's pretty awkward to say, "Hey Alan, you room fucking stinks, pls stop" but honestly it got to the point when it was unbearable to even walk into our flat. So we tried knocking a number of times but never got any reply. Eventually we called campus security and complained, and they came with us to open up his door and see what the fuck was going on.

Now, some of you might be thinking poor Alan had topped himself and his body was rotting away right next to us all this time. But the reality was far more fucked up than that. Campus security opened his door, and Alan was nowhere to be found. No belongings, laptop or anything. However, the room was a fucking tip. There were BOXES AND BOXES of takeaway stacked up in the room. That explains the smell. However, there were also a load of WOMEN'S TIGHTS STUFFED WITH NOODLES on the floor, rotting away with flies all over them. And the worst thing of all... there were holes cut between the legs of the tights. So, it turns out Alan was using his takeaway to stuff women's tights with noodles, and then fucked them.

So, where did Alan go? The university searched for him on their student database (we only knew his first name so couldn't help much) but they couldn't find him. They then searched for him by his flat room number and it transpired that room should not have been occupied AT ALL. Apparently some student was meant to come but turned down their offer last minute. So in the end we had no idea who the fuck Alan was. After this complete shit storm the university moved all of my flat out to a hotel for a week whilst they got some people in to cleanse the whole place.

TL;DR: a mystery flatmate who wasn't even enrolled at university stuffed women's tights with noodles and fucked them, then disappeared and let them slowly rot.

[–] yjGVlGF6b 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

10/10

So many highs, so many lows. This is truly an epic for the sagas.

[–] Kim_Jong_Ungh 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

I could see Ben Stiller starring in the film.

[–] Nothanksimgood [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Wow.

[–] uvulectomy 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

[–] NeoGoat 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

LOL!!!!!!!!! THANKS!! LOL!!!

[–] thrus 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I...um...Yep I read that, not much more to say.

[–] lyin4rmu 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

old college try not new college try

[–] Proppa 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago  (edited ago)

That is the old college try. The new college try is to assault people.

[–] Grifter42 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Shit, mah homie Jamal gots fibe to ten years fo' colleging someone half to death for they cell-phone.

[–] NeoGoat 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I was in college in the 80s. We were trying to drink as much as we could and get laid. .... and sometimes trying to study. I can't imagine wimpering and rioting are fun.

[–] bloop-bloop 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Possibly a centrist or even a conservative Asian? Interesting.

[–] Thisismyvoatusername 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago  (edited ago)

I used to follow him on Twitter. He's probably best described as an anti-SJW centrist. I started following him during #GamerGate.

[–] bloop-bloop 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Very cool. If it's like that, I finally found a public figure I have common ideologies with (feels rare). Will have to add him to my feed. Thanks.

[–] Martel-Sobieski 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

More asians were killed by leftist ideologies than any other race. Not all of them are leftys. Many are conservative and care about their race. More rigid social structure too . Also the level of emotional weakness and childish acting seen by American college students is seen as disgusting to them. I don't blame them.