Dear USA,
Hi, it's me, perfectShuffle, you don't really know me, because why the fuck would you, I basically just keep myself to myself. But I just wanted to say, I'm a big fan of your work. Have been for AGES. Although I do prefer the early stuff. But you probably get that a lot?
Anyways, I was watching classic Southpark recently, one of your many many fine artistic outputs, and in it's typical self deprecating way made reference to half the world hating you. Maybe that's actually the case, but I think probably not. Although I do think that a lot of people are a little disillusioned with you lately.
See, here's the thing, you set the bar so so fucking high for yourselves. And as when anyone anywhere does that, you've to be eternally admired for that. Any lame ass gang of nobodies can aim for what's immediately achievable. You said no, fuck that, lets be the best of humanity. If we're going to do this thing, let's fucking nail the shit out of it.
And the world's best kept secret nowadays is that's still what people that aren't you, but that know you well, remember most about you. That you took ideas cast in the age of enlightenment, in the age of reason, and said "yes motherfucker, good idea, but this is how you do that shit". And then just relentlessly killed it, over and over and over again.
You're the cultural, artistic, political, and scientific driving force underpinning humanity. You're the driving force. You're the leaders of the human race. The US constitution is the most glorious celebration of the undying sense of liberty that lies at the heart of the human experience since the Magna Carta. Your foundation and evolution is a source of constant inspiration to oppressed human beings everywhere, all over. You didn't just fight the good fight and lose and die, to live on as martyrs, you only fucking went and pulled it off. I only hope you have some appreciation of how very rare and awe inspiring that is, in terms of human history. You're our one big success story.
You make the best music, the best movies, the best laws, the best of everything. You're this big, volatile, heaving, firey behemoth of potential for liberty. We need you. You're our only hope. We want you to succeed. Because your success is the success of human liberty and happiness. You're the first empire in the position and with the capability to set the entirety of humanity on a path towards glory and hope and hope again, that human beings might just be OK one day.
When we criticise you, us nobodies that don't even have any skin in the game, and have absolutely no right to even, it's not out of any ill feeling towards you. It's not because we don't love the fucking fuck out of you. It's out of a fear that you're losing yourself. And if you lose yourself we all are lost.
Sincerely,
Your biggest fan,
No homo,
perfectShuffle.
Sort: Top
[–] perfectShuffle [S] 1 point 17 points 18 points (+18|-1) ago
Totally ballsed up the title. I'm drunk. On American craft beer. Go fuck yourselves.
[–] auto_turret 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Was going to say.. have you been drinking?
[–] [deleted] 1 point 6 points 7 points (+7|-1) ago
[–] Hey_Sunshine 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
Of course the problem with pencils in space is sharpening them. Graphite will conduct electricity, something you don't really want floating around in an oxygen rich environment with sensitive electronics stuffed into every nook and cranny.
[–] UsedToCuck ago
mechanical pencil. done.
[–] Pawn ago
vacum + sharpener.
[–] ZebraCrisis 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
Dude I think you might be gay for America.
[–] perfectShuffle [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
:D
[–] Crensch 2 points 5 points 7 points (+7|-2) ago
Jesusfuck, seriously?
Consider me one of those that had no fucking clue. Thanks to the programming done in my upbringing and up 'till embarrassingly recently, I perceived us as one big bully country of fat, idiot-tube-addicted douchenozzles.
Thank you, perfectShuffle.
[–] psychosomatic 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Well you are both right
[–] 1moar 1 point 3 points 4 points (+4|-1) ago
Thanks!
We got some cleaning to do.
https://youtu.be/OwDiPrFCM0M
It's coming.
[–] GabeVitoro 1 point 2 points 3 points (+3|-1) ago
How flattering! We are doing what we can to continue our success.
[–] Wahaha 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Interesting viewpoint. All I can think about Americans is how they build upon the Apocalypse of an entire continent. It's kinda easy to build new awesome stuff if you didn't have to tear everything down that came before it, because the Apocalypse kindly did that for you. Same thing on a smaller scale happened to Japan after the war.
The hard part is destroying everything that came before, so you can build new stuff. And I don't mean ideas, I mean cities. Just imagine the kind of cities we could build if we could start from scratch instead of just improving parts everywhere. There could be an entire automated underground distribution service based on huge tubes instead of needing to deliver packages through normal traffic. We could have houses that actually produce electricity instead of just consuming electricity. Just think about how old all that stuff really is.
[–] Pawn ago
We actually do that on smaller scales once houses are torn down.
[–] Wahaha ago
Too small a scale to upgrade the entire rail network to a technology that isn't from a hundred years ago. Also, instead of systematically tearing old houses down there actually is real effort to do the opposite, like CHM.
[–] Inque_Yutani ago
"you don't really know me, because why the fuck would you"
NSA :D