Little background....I'm 36, married, 3 kids, dog, etc. I've spent the last 13 years as a residential real estate appraiser. Due to my lack of a college education, I've been limited on how far I can go with licensure/certification for this field. Due to this factor, I've basically been shut down as most banks require a certification which is a step above basic licensure.
I was a heavy pot smoker for about 15 years and I'm a few months into no dope. I feel like I'm just floating along with no real purpose. I'm now a stay at home dad and do all the house shit you'd expect a stay at home parent to do...laundry, cooking, cleaning, getting kids to/from school, grocery shopping...the whole bit. My wife has her own business and we can manage just fine on her salary.
I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what I'm going to next with my life. I know I don't want to be a stay at home dad forever. I've applied for 30+ jobs over the last 12 months but no one wants to hire some one who's been self employed for 13+ years. What did I do wrong?
My question to you Voaters is when you've been in a transitional period in your life, what did you do to figure out the next step? I feel lost and am just looking for some random Internet wisdom. Thanks for your time!
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[–] [deleted] 1 point 25 points 26 points (+26|-1) ago
[–] TheKobold 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
This struck a cord with me. I have been wondering who I am and I was almost there... But you got me over that point. Sage advice. I wish I could do more than just upvoat you. I will have a beer in your honor though.
[–] PeeOnYou 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
This man knows. He wants to become an alcoholic. Cheers.
[–] Voluptuous_Panda 0 points 9 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago
Licensing and certifications are bullshit. Every year, whatever your field they come up with more and more requirements that supposedly make you "better and more qualified in your field." But at the right price of course (and they can be pricey depending on what). Everyone however grudgingly goes on realizing the luducrousness in it all.
Being an entrepreneur is one of the best things you can be. My parents worked their ass off for 16 years in the restaurant business and made quite a chunk of change, climbing out of poverty into a comfortable middle class.
I get why you would feel "stuck" though. It's like just waking up onr day and really realizing where you're at and being super critical about yourself at the moment for no significant improvements. Life is long, and achievements span our lifetimes. Even though Benjamin Franklin had a plethora of accomplishments, it took years of his life to obtain them. Pick up a hobby or something dude.
[–] Chiefpacman 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Hey, you may be lost, but sounds like you're comfortable. You're just not content.
You got kids, a wife, a dog. If I were you I'd pick up a book and be glad that you won at life. Not that you can't go on to do more, but from one guy to another- good job.
[–] [deleted] 1 point 4 points 5 points (+5|-1) ago
[–] 5072075? 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I just read the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and it really changed my outlook. I have always looked for a way out of, what I have always called, "suburbia hell" or "living purgatory". Jobs, pets, children, marriages, mortgages, and toys (i.e. boats, cars, etc.) are all forms of modern day prison. Find ways to slowly rid yourself of these constraints. It can be done as an individual, a couple, or a family, but as soon as you stop playing the same bullshit game as the lowest common denominator, you'll start being happier.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)
[–] JeepGuy79 [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Academics were never my strong suit. I always struggled in school and when the time for college rolled around...I made it one semester before I realized that the "traditional" path was not for me. That's when I looked into a skilled trade. I took on a two year apprenticeship with a local real estate appraiser to learn the in's and out's of appraising. For many years I was super successful, was able to work from home, I dictated my own schedule, everything was perfect. Then 2008 happened and the bottom fell out of the local real estate market here in Arizona. 2009 was horrible but I managed to survive while my wife was building her business. From 2010-2015 things got gradually worse for me. Lenders started demanding faster turn around times for lower fees, all my work was being reviewed by countless underwriters, loan officers, homeowners, etc. Then regulations started changing and banks started requiring that you had to be "certified" to complete appraisals and that cut me off from doing appraisals for FHA loans, which I had been doing for years anyways. Then came Appraisal Management Companies(AMC). The invention of AMC's cut me off from directly marketing my services directly to lenders. Now instead of building personal relationships with local lenders, it was illegal for me to even talk to them directly. Everything had to be run through the AMC which was a middle man that handled communication between the lender and myself. All of a sudden over half of my business vanished in literally one day and I just became a name on a list.
It became too expensive to maintain memberships for local MLS systems and liability insurance because the fees had been driven so low it was not feasible for me to stay in the game. I loved that job and when I first started out, it seemed like it was a rock solid career choice. How quickly it all changed. I don't feel bad about being a stay at home parent. I love my wife and kids more than words could ever explain. I like teaching the fitness classes at the dance studio but I don't know how much longer the owner will allow me to do it. I'm still not sure if going the personal trainer route is right for me. I'm not an in your face alpha kind of guy most gyms are looking for, and I hate selling shit to people. I keep fit, but I'm not that hardcore about exercise. It's important and necessary but that's not my main focus. I think you're right though, I need to figure out what motivates me and that's the problem I'm having. I was in the same routine for so long and now over the last six months things have been very fluid and ever changing. I guess it's just baby steps at this point. I've got so many things rushing around in my head all the time it's hard to concentrate on just one thing. So maybe I'll start putting things down on paper and see what comes out. I know this was rambling....but thanks for your time!
[–] JeepGuy79 [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Wow everyone!! I love all the responses and some of you have opened my eyes as to what some possible options could be. I did fail to mention that I teach a group fitness class at the local dance studio in my neighborhood (I'm semi-rural, closest gym is 18 miles). That has helped me feel fantastic in a physical way and to some degree mental too. I've got my group of stay at home moms that come bust ass with me 3x a week and we crush P90X Live! and Insanity Live! workouts.
It's my spouse who's been nudging me to got get a "real" job as my youngest will be out of 1/2 day kindergarten and into full day schedule after summer. While we manage our bills ok on her salary, she wants more cash coming in and I barely make anything teaching class. I'm pressured into finding something. I just wish it was all laid out in front of me.
While I'm not going to acknowledge specific voaters, cause mobile typing blows......your comments have helped and after a rather sleepless night I have some new ideas....now it's time to go make breakfast before everyone wakes up and we rush out the door for soccer games!!! Cheers.
[–] SaneGoatiSwear 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)