I was having a discussion with my brother recently and he said something off the cuff
Growing up you always knew who you were
Younger siblings tend to lionize their older counter-parts and while it's true that I had an above average sense-of-self and an arrogance that transmuted to unbridled confidence in public. Internally, I never really felt that way. I was always looking for something to give me a 'sense of purpose'. This purpose (as is the case with every young man) was in finding love from a woman. So, in the first half of my 20's I was a serial-monogomist. Going from relationship to relationship.
The problem with this is that with each relationship you move farther and farther away from finding 'who you are'. This is also the danger of GAME. And something that young men make mistakes over and over even after they are 'redpilled.' They falsely believe that by 'playing a masculine character'--which 'game' encourages you will score with women and then find happiness. The problem is that it's a false premise by definition BECAUSE YOU ARE PLAYING A FALSE VERSION OF YOURSELF.
Masculine websites and books do state over and over again that the key to being succesfull in a relationship and picking up women is not to have the best pick-up line rather it's to be the most Confident Man in the Room. This confidence skill isn't something that you can teach, it's an internal philosophy that you have to tap into yourself. And while the importance of confidence is mentioned alot...it's the SINGLE MOST CRITICAL ASPECT of being a succesful Man in every area of life.
So what is the Best Decision I made as a Man?
First, I want to go back to the serial-monogomy because it's important. Just as practicing game principles without 'knowing who you are" and having 'confidence' is just a venere glossing over your insecurities which will come back up to the surface like old paint. Serial-monogy is a false premise because you are chasing women or chasing relationships and instead of going to the relationship table on your terms you mold your persona to better match the woman and score with her and date her. So, what happens? She will trample all over you and worse you will end up miserable long-term because the relationship ultimately was chosen by her and not you--and you are the helpless pawn on the chess board and she is the grand master and you won't realize this until it's too late.
My first purple pill awakening happened shortly after I broke up with 'the love of my life.' She was such a babe and we actually got along on so many different levels that I fully didn't expect I would date anyone else. And I didn't for a year. I made a vow that I would mourn my loss by not being in a relationship for an entire year and figure out what I wanted in my life.
I began treating women, like I would any of my other guy friends and the irony of ironies I ended up having women lining up and wanting to date me. It was intoxication, I remember one instance late in college of a 'Southern Bell' that all the guys wanted. She played coy with the others and I treated her like a dude to her incredulity.
How is he ignoring my beauty? How dare he!
She actually told me this much latter in confidence. One day she invited me (and all the other guys) to her birthday party. Everyone brought her booze, trinkets and expensive gifts...I bought her two movie tickets and her favorite candy bar. Ask me what the candy bar was.
Again, to my amazement everyone went home and she asked me to stay and replied,
I can't believe that you remembered what my favorite candy bar is!
Heh. We fooled around that night and fooled around for the rest of the semester, but I didn't date her! I graduated and moved on to what I thought at the time was my 'dream job.' Slowly thoughout that year I had a few epiphanies
My 'dream job' was just that...a dream and not something I seriously wanted to do as a career.
There are a lot of women in the world.
There are a lot of shitty women in the world and it's a good thing I didn't marry the 'love of my life'.
The Best Decision That I Made as a Man Was Taking 1 Year Off From Relationships to Find Myself
As the years passed, I found my friends Married...they divorced...they married again...had kids...paid alimony...and so the typical cliches of a man who picked a bad woman goes. Meanwhile, I actually created my own version of a 'dream job' which just so happens to coincide with being 'my own boss' and I became selective with women I dated. There are two versions of men
The Numbers Guy
The Quality Guy
The numbers guy just wants to bang as many women as possible and 'screw the consequences' (heh) or the stds. While the quality guy will go a year in a pussy drought and wait to date or bang an 8 or a 9 instead of settling for the 6.
My brother is right,
I knew who I was
He was just wrong in that it took me much longer to get there.