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[–] VoatAddict 0 points 35 points (+35|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Gets handed requirement document.

*Throws it onto the stack

*Plays game of choice for 3 hours

*Looks at document

*Lunch time

*Finishes looking at document

*Goes home

*Gets shitfaced drunk, remotes into work machine, power codes.

Spends next month trying to figure out what the hell he made. It works, but how?

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[–] bambou1991 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

It works, but how?

Sometimes, I would be happier if shit didn't work, to prove that I had some control over the code and that it wasn't coding itself.

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[–] TheTrigger 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

Have you ever written out a decently sized script, and after a few hours, when you're ready to test it: everything just works perfectly, with no debugging errors, whatsoever? It's happened to me only a handful of times, so far. And each time, I've spent days going over everything, wondering where I fucked up. Because, goddamnit, there's just no way.

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[–] Viropher 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Early on in my programming classes,we were told to make a program that would spit ot an accurate calendar for any month of any year in ASCII. I worked feverishly not fully understanding the idea behind what I was doing. I evolved a working program,by making tiny tweaks and hotfixes to incrementally make it work more and more. Like an evolved system,no teacher or student was able to figure out why it worked,what most of it did,and years later,with understanding of what I am doing,I still cant tell you how it works or how I did it.

Sourcery.

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[–] VoatAddict 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Sometimes the code writes you.

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[–] kevf4 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

You get way more requirements than I do. My requirements are not much better than napkins with ideas scribbled on them.

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[–] totes_magotes 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

Every. Fucking. Time.

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[–] CarthOSassy 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

My development cycle:

Bring together stakeholders, experts

Write flawless, elegant design for solution

Village idiot wants to ensure no one can work on project but him, codes in hacks that make development impossible unless you know the magic workarounds

Design now impossible because large sections of existing infrastructure have been copied and rewritten for ego purposes

Spend next 6 months production-debugging because now totally undesigned mess is actually no longer a solution to the original goals

With great care for fragile emotions, slowly walk village idiot through fixes that mostly undo his personal recreations

Go to therapy to forget the chineric monster I helped birth

Try not to think of my job as rape

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[–] VoatAddict 1 points 11 points (+12|-1) ago 

Bring together stakeholders, experts

PM, so does not code. Also, brings a load of assholes into a room that don't know the system.

Write flawless, elegant design for solution

Writes long stupid document that only makes sense to you, probably spent too much time in meetings, has jack shit to do with code or an understanding of how the system currently works.

Village idiot wants to ensure no one can work on project but him

The only person that's actually coding on the project.

codes in hacks that make development impossible

Works with what he knows to solve issue because nobody else knows what they're doing (including you) and nobody is willing to give him tools he needs and asks for repeatedly.

Spend next 6 months production-debugging because now totally undesigned mess

Because he was working with what he had

is actually no longer a solution to the original goals

was actually in the first place?

With great care for fragile emotions, slowly walk village idiot through fixes that mostly undo his personal recreations

Basically telling the guy he sucks instead of fixing it yourself, because you don't have the skills to.

Go to therapy to forget the chineric monster I helped birth

He's probably at the bottom of a bottle in a bar complaining about the massively anal bitch that keeps asking for shit and is not happy because a radio button didn't pop up in the correct place.

Try not to think of my job as rape

Get over your shit. Either get out of his way, or give him the shit he needs to do his job.

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[–] CarthOSassy 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

ahhh the battle cry of the incompetent. obi wan been holding you back lately?

I won't bother to reply to each point, since you didn't get anything right. I'll just say I'm still in the office because someone has to write the working code

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[–] totes_magotes 1 points 1 points (+2|-1) ago 

Writes long stupid document that only makes sense to you

Trying writing specflow features. As long as you don't tie it to the UI (meaning something like "When I enter a search value, Then I should see 5 results"), you get a stupid sounding watered down use case that you can copy and paste directly to every stupid user and they'll understand it. Have them sign off on it to CYOA in case they say they want one thing but didn't really know what they wanted.

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[–] KikeFree 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

existing infrastructure

Usually sucks donkey balls because it was written by pajeets or pajeet wannabees.

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[–] CarthOSassy 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

You're not totally wrong, but I feel like one should know what they are replacing before they blindly throw it away. Because the replacement ends up worse than the original if you don't know what your actual goal is and then just wing it.

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[–] KoKansei 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Bring together stakeholders, experts

Write flawless, elegant design for solution

Village idiot wants to ensure no one can work on project but him, codes in hacks that make development impossible unless you know the magic workarounds

Design now impossible because large sections of existing infrastructure have been copied and rewritten for ego purposes

This is pretty much what happened to Bitcoin Core.

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[–] GoatyMcGoatface 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Same feeling trying to solve network issues. "I don't know what I did but it's working, so it's time to stop fucking with it."

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[–] Tb0n3 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Isn't that how you get shit like heartbleed?

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[–] GoatyMcGoatface 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Yeah but I'm just a tinkerer. Real network security experts should probably be a little more knowledgeable than me.

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[–] ShinyVoater 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

OpenSSL had a multithread build option that wasn't working for the same reason that made heartbleed possible. Just bothering to make their own features work would've fixed it without anybody being the wiser.

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[–] Inconceivable2 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Software Development Process

Start with a functioning product

Fire whites coz... monies

Hire street shitters, incorrectly thinking this will save monies

Street shitters fuck everything up, produce nothing that works

Hire white freelance coders to fix street shitter fuck ups

Resulting product costs twice as much

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[–] spookybm 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Write entire program without modulating.
1000 lines later attempt compiling.
254 errors.
Started on line 15 missing a semicolon.
Fucking C!!!!

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[–] VoatAddict 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

you have to get out of that habit man. I forget to debug sometimes, or in the rare case I can't. Spend 50% of my project time just trying to get it to compile.

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[–] auto_turret 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Haha! I'm a board level hardware repair guy, had a moment just like this last week. Those damned engineers!

Oh.. This OP amp turns out to NOT be a drop in replacement after all... Fuckers.

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[–] Davidgeek 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Coolest process,

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