Reposting the hate before Reddit nazis delete FPS forever (you know it'll happen)
Hey guys. This is omake because it's a weeaboo word and I was a weeaboo at the time. For the stories already told about my ex, head on over to the submitted section on /u/Tozetre
The story so far, as told by /u/Tozetre and then myself:
So… I don’t regret dating SilkHam, because ultimately I had to have a training-wheels physical relationship to ease me out of neckbeard land and into being a real person, and to shock me out of my codependent bullshit. Romance is confusing when you have your first sex with your first girlfriend at age 21. But I do regret falling for as much of her shit as I did and keeping her around as long as I did.
Me: Auschwitzmode 6’0 143lbs human skeleton, working nights in a hotel lobby.
Tozetre: Fat-but-awesome bro who always has his friends’ back.
SilkHam: 400 or so pounds of weeaboo denial.
WARNING: This post is not safe for people who don’t want to hear about me banging a landwhale. Like my wife, who will read it anyway. Love you hon.
As I said, /u/Tozetre already told the bulk of the tale. Now I’ll fill in the gaps which ohgod is sort of a good analogy for what sex with her was like.
There’s a background to my getting together with SilkHam. A year prior, I had dressed as a ninja at a local anime con. My mom made me the costume and it was awesome. I wore a fleece scarf over my face and wandered around being totally mysterious and silent all day.
Protip: doing this will give you a throat infection due to re-inhaling your own breath for hours on end. Do not do it. You will not be able to talk when you want to the next day.
Anyway, three girls followed me around being fangirls all day. Two were small, young, cute… I was pretty into that. The third was SilkHam, but she was showing cleavage so I at the time didn’t care. I flirted pretty hard with one of the girls, a super-cute blonde waif with really cool eyes who was showing a lot of skin, and hooked up with her. Second girl I ever sexed. Felt like a boss.
This is important later on.
So a year later I’m single and browsing plentyoffish to help my feels. Casting a wide net, targeting the ladies who don’t post pics because dem insecure girls will appreciate what a nice guy I am and totally not friendzone me. (Yeah. Getting fitted for a fedora, too...)
SilkHam responds, we trade messages. She’s into anime and video games just like me, likes the same sort of TV shows… then we realize she was one of the three fangirls at the con! The fat one!
Well what the hell, I think, my ex wasn’t exactly rail-thin (she wasn't a ham, but only because of being very tall), I’m sure for someone as cool as this girl seems to be (SEEMS to be) I can handle some extra cuuuuuurves.
We met up at a mall halfway across town from me, had food court dinner, hung out like teenagers (I was like 22 or 23, she was 19 or so, maybe older, damn if I remember. I actively avoided worrying about ages), ended up making out in public like even worse teenagers. I missed the last train home and had to call Tozetre to drive me home as he was wheelman back then.
I was pretty stoked. Set up a second date with her soon after, which basically amounted to her coming over to my place, hanging out in my room and blowing me. See, fat girls have something to prove so they tend to put out easy. This particular girl really REALLY wanted to prove something as she remembered me flirting with her teeny-tiny friend a year prior. She kept saying things like “HA! I got you, NOT her.” She didn't know I’d had (unskillful, disappointing) sex with that friend a year prior. (Seriously guys, she just laid there, it awful)
I told her about that on the third date. She wanted to have sex (seriously, something to prove. three “dates” and she wants me in her) and I, as a dutiful White Knight, had to tell m’lady that a) I loved her, and b) I fucked her friend the weekend after the con a year before.
She cried dramatically for a few minutes, then we had all the sex anyway. And for someone who’d only been with two girls before, one of whom he’d dated long distance and only met twice and the other of whom had laid there like a dead fish, it seemed like pretty good sex. She was responsive and enthusiastic, which was all I could ask, so I was way into it. And she, like all fatties, liked it rough, on account of physics - you can’t feel much when you are wearing a foot of soft padding.
We kept meeting and fucking and hanging out (I’ve never been big on “date” activities) and I started hearing about her life.
Now understand that I was, back then, shitty at picking up on lies. Because almost everything she told me was lies. She actively spun dramatic tales to seem more attractive, interesting and in need of me than she really was.
“I love giving head” (Lies, she told me months later that she hated it, this was my eventual first clue that she was dishonest)
“My dad is an alcoholic abusive asshole” (SHOTS FIRED! JIMMIES RUSTLING!)
“I used to be in a gang but I got out because it was scary”
“I used to do crack but I cleaned up my life”
“These scars on my arms are from cutting myself” (They were stretchmarks that had split open)
“That crossbow in the basement? My dad used it to threaten my exboyfriends.”
“My exboyfriend is obsessed with me, he stalks me but IT’S OKAY he’s harmless what no don’t call the police please”
“I talked to a doctor about my weight, he says I’m perfectly healthy, I’m just big.”
WARNING: NSFL AHEAD STOP READING
“I always bleed like a stuck pig on my period, sorry about the sheets teehee
it’s because I have too much estrogen, I’m too womanly”
Seriously, the level of denial. In hindsight it's so easy to see. She had actually convinced herself that her enormous size was entirely glandular because she had too much estrogen.
I can't even.
EDIT: Forgot my TL;DR due to condishuns.
TL;DR: I dated a delusional liar fat girl. It was awful.