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[–] Broc_Lia 2 points 0 points (+2|-2) ago  (edited ago)

Meanwhile, athletes preparing for the Olympics have been setting a frenzy of athletic records in the lead up to the games. Dissatisfied with their performance, coaches hired consultants from the climate-change-science community and hit upon the incredible new technique of simple adjusting their data using models.

"It's incredible" gasps Sven Utgardsson, a swimming coach, "All this time Helga, my swimmer, had been underperforming, but the theory stated that she should be faster, so clearly the actual times were wrong. We added 30 seconds to her results when we turned them in and suddenly she was winning medals."