I recently posted this thread: https://voat.co/v/relationships/comments/803861
Here's where things stand as of now:
-We've talked a lot more, and she's given me better insight into some of her feelings. She feels like she doesn't have very much independence as it stands right now, and that she hasn't had a chance to see if she's capable of "doing it" on her own. She feels that she sometimes has to "answer to me", and she doesn't like that. A specific example she gave of this was a few days ago when she told me she was probably going to have plans this coming weekend, and I asked what her plans were and who they were with. I understand now that this might have sounded like me trying to be controlling, but I really was just curious.
-She says that she realizes that this is probably a mistake, but that it's one she feels like she has to make. She wants to know what it's like to have to pay all of her own bills, take care of herself, and have no one to catch her if she falls. My position on this is that although I make more money, we're doing this as a team. Nothing that we have is because of me alone - we've always acted as a team financially, and I would never presume to treat it differently than that.
-She says she feels like she doesn't love me as much as she used to, but recognizes that this may be a confusion about how the feelings of love are supposed to evolve over time. I've told her that I don't feel we've done much to work on our relationship over the past 6 months, so it's not surprising to me that the spark isn't there right now.
-She says she feels she's not a good enough girlfriend for me. This stems from the fact that I often tell her I think she looks pretty, beautiful, etc. I also have a much higher sex drive than she does. Additionally, I'll occasionally say things like "I can't wait to see you" when we talk on the phone. She feels guilty because she can't always return that honestly. I've tried to explain to her that this is just something I say - it's not like I'm literally biting my fingernails waiting for her to come home. It's kind of like how you say "have a nice day" to a person at the store.
-One problem is that although she wants to get her own place, she hasn't saved much money towards that goal as of yet. This means that it's not realistic for her to do this right now. It would be a minimum of 3 weeks to 1 month before she'd be in a position to do it, and even then she'd be without most of the bare essentials (i.e. a bed, a microwave, etc). She's also said she wouldn't want me to help her with that, and honestly I wouldn't really want to, though I also wouldn't want her to be sleeping on the floor.
-My suggestions has been as follows: We need to start working on this relationship. It's obvious that there are problems, but a lot of these problems sound, to me, like standard ones that many long-term couples face before they can fully commit to settling down. She still loves me, and I still love her. Neither of us wants to see the other in pain, and both of us want this to work, at least on some level. She agrees with that. I want us to take some time to have some serious, candid conversations about our relationship and our problems, and try to face those problems. In the meantime, she can work toward saving the money she will need if she decides to go through with this.
-We've also discussed the idea that we'd still be together if she moves out. We both agree that taking it back to "dating" each other might help restore some of the spark in our relationship, and would probably make us appreciate each other a lot more. It would also give her the space she needs, since with our schedules it's likely we'd only be able to see each other 2 - 3 times per week. Personally, I would rather avoid this scenario altogether though; I truly think that some of her issues stem from other problems, and that there are better solutions.
We talked at length last night, and I ended up leaving (not out of anger) to give her some space. I headed back to my work (I have my own office, a key to the building, and my boss knows I sometimes work late) since I didn't have anywhere else to go at 9pm at night, and I was there until 2am. She called me and asked me if I was coming home, and I asked her if she wanted me to be there. She said that regardless of what we're going through right now, it's my home and she wants me to be there. So I came home.
I went into work late today, and we had breakfast at Denny's before I went in. We talked some more then. She's still pretty conflicted, and still feels like her getting her own place would be the best thing, but she said she's willing to consider the idea that we could work these issues out if we try.
That's where things stand as of now. Before we both headed to work after breakfast, we kissed and hugged, and I told her that I really think we can figure this stuff out if we try. She said she knows, but she still has to think about it.
So, that's the update. That's everything from when I left off at my last post up until now. I really would appreciate any advice you guys can offer. I read every single comment on the last thread and responded to as many of them as I could. I will do the same here.