I revised this article. I read the list, and mostly agree with the analysis – women that mirror these attitudes and behaviors are highly unattractive. That said, there are a few exceptions in my mind, and I thought it would be a worthwhile exercise to go through the list and re-work into something more positive and useful. My goal here was to remove the “in your face unapologetic aggression,” and create a happy, confident, and feminine overview of positive traits. Here is a link to the original thread for anyone that's interested.
You have a lot of opinions about a lot of things, and you just can’t keep them to yourself.
You have a lot of opinions, but you do not force them on the people around you (especially when you know it will cause unnecessary awkwardness and tension). You’re perfectly capable of speaking your mind, but you possess the confidence and good sense to know when it’s better to simply get along with the people around you.
You mean what you say and say what you mean – none of that Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus nonsense.
You mean what you say and say what you mean – but you also take the time necessary to do some self-reflection in order to verify that your words align with your actions.
You never back-down from an argument. You’re not always starting them but you sure as hell finish them when necessary.
You know that arguing is unproductive and likely to introduce unnecessary tension (which can sour social occasions and bring cooperative professional projects to a screeching halt). You don’t care about ‘winning’ conversations, and focus instead on what’s most productive.
You have really high standards for the people you choose to be around and you’re not afraid to leave behind those who cannot meet it.
Note: I don’t see anything wrong with this point – so long as those ‘standards’ don’t cover shallow, mundane nonsense (ie “you don’t like x brand? I can’t associate with you”). You know how to get along with people – even if you don’t particularly like them.
You’ve got even higher standards for any person who wants to be with you, romantically.
You have a short list (five items or less) of absolute deal-breakers. These items reflect your values and high-light things you find absolutely essential and speak to who you are as a person. You may also have some preferences (or ‘perks’) that would be nice, but are by no means absolutely necessary.
You’d much rather fail at doing things your way than succeed while being a people-pleaser.
You have a plan of action, and a clear idea of what you want to do – but you’re also open to changing things around if/when someone else comes up with a better idea. The goal is succeed, and the ability to adapt is an important part of that equation.
You do not tolerate drama but you also will stand up for yourself if the situation calls for it.
You do not tolerate drama. You know how to politely and firmly stand up for yourself when necessary – and doing so does not lead to a fight, but rather cuts off the conversation before it turns into a conflict (ie leading into a new topic, making a joke, asking a question to someone else that isn’t speaking. For example, if someone calls you a kill-joy because you won’t gripe about your SO you can reply “It doesn’t matter if Dear Husband/Boyfriend makes mistakes because when I fell flat on my face the other day trying to break in a new pair of heals – he was there to help me up and never made me feel bad about looking like a clown. [Friend’s name] remember that time we went ice-skating and we were both falling all over the place?” The idea is to dismiss the criticism, lead into a short but relevant anecdote and then ‘lob’ the conversation at a new person that hasn’t spoken for a while).
You love being in charge, taking control, and anything and everything that makes you feel powerful.
You are equally comfortable taking the lead when and where necessary – but you also know how to listen, follow directions, and work with other people. You understand that ‘power’ and ‘control’ are not one and the same. You understand power is intricately tied into being supportive and providing solid back-up. Even if you aren’t ‘leading the charge’ you’re still a valuable asset.
You’re called high maintenance for knowing what you like (and what you like happens to be of finer tastes.)
You know what you like, but you aren’t snobbish or entitled. Material possessions are nice, but not nearly as important as your loved ones.
Coco Chanel, Maya Angelou, and Queen Victoria are your spirit animals.
Note: I can’t think of a practical/positive substitute so if anyone has ideas please share them! The best thing I can come up with sounds fairly cheesy “Family, honesty, and happiness are the things that truly matter to you” or something along those lines. Maybe I'm odd in that I enjoy learning about famous/historical figures, but I don't consider any of them to be my role model. The only role-models I have are people I know personally. I see how they react and deal with every kind of situation, and it's that overall understanding of their personality and conduct that allows me to look up to them. I think we can learn from famous/historical figures, but I don't see the point in having them as a role-model.
You’ve always thought aspiring to be “like a man” is something people who lack ambition do.
You strive to improve yourself consistently.
You are not afraid to ask your boss for a raise because you want to be paid what you deserve.
You ask for what you have earned - if it’s not given to you. When you do ask, you are firm and polite. You have relevant information that clearly shows how and why you have earned what you are asking for.
When you want something, you go for it, unapologetically.
You go after what you want, and you make sure that what you want truly matters (because you also know that it’s impossible to have it all).
You are not afraid to “be alone” because that is 1000 times better than getting less than what you deserve.
You are both happy and comfortable with being on your own. You know that being happy as an individual will inevitably draw other people closer to you (friends, and potential romantic interests).
In a relationship, you ask for what you need and you are willing to compromise some things, but not everything.
In a relationship you ask for what you need (and what you need is never ‘more’ than what you have earned). You also recognize that the overall health of the relationship is more important than anyone’s individual desires. Your SO/Husband knows exactly what your deal-breakers are, and you’ve both clearly defined the boundaries of your relationship.
You make disloyal people regret their words and/or actions.
Trust cannot be given, it must be earned. If you give your trust to a person that goes on to violate that trust – then you know to be more careful in the future about what you share with them. You are willing to cut people out of your life if necessary. You understand that the best revenge is leading a happy and fulfilling life without bitterness or resentment.
But you never take revenge, because you know the best revenge is success.
Note: This point completely contradicts the prior one. “You make disloyal people regret their words and/or actions…but you never take revenge…” and it’s being used as an ‘escape clause’ of sorts and it sounds like “draw blood, just not enough to kill them."
You also always forgive your enemies but like every sensible person, “you never forget their names.”
Note: This whole revenge and betrayal thing is now becoming a theme, and again, I’ve already disclosed my thoughts on this topic.
You don’t apologize for crying or not crying.
You don’t use your emotions in a manipulative way. You are honest about how you feel, but you don’t ‘milk’ your sadness for all it’s worth.
You relish your strengths and accept your weaknesses and consider self-growth an everyday endeavor.
You know what your strengths are as well as your weaknesses. You work hard to improve both.
You intimidate people with your confidence – not just men or women – people in general.
You are both confident and humble. Confidence without humility is arrogance, and extremely off-putting. Confidence should be a positive trait that nurtures the moral of others.
You are allergic to people’s bullshit and you do not hestitate to inform them of that.
Note: This seems repetitive, since the article already covered several points dealing with ‘opinions’ and making other people aware of said opinions. You have no interest in drama, instead of ‘calling’ someone out – you look for opportunities to positively influence them to make constructive changes.
You like to think of yourself as “not a lover or a fighter” but someone who will indeed, “fight for what and whom they love.”
note: I don’t have a problem with this point, although I would like to add one condition: ‘fighting’ is a last resort, and is only utilized after all other approaches have been exhausted.
You’re not afraid of being called difficult because you know it’s just a word society uses for women who aren’t afraid to challenge the status quo.
Note: This doesn’t make any sense to me. I by no means ‘go along with the status quo’ and I’ve never been called ‘difficult’…this just sounds like an excuse to be unreasonably stubborn, and selfish. I think a well-rounded woman knows how to navigate different situations, she can express her opinions without causing tension, and she knows how to live her life without ruffling other people’s feathers.
And you are always slightly overdressed for everything.
You stick to your sense of style, and dress appropriately for the occasion.