We do laundry EVERY NIGHT. It's just FUCKING LAUNDRY. I do not want to talk about it EVERY NIGHT!!! I do not need updates on how you think progress on the FUCKING LAUNDRY is going!!! Yeah, that's a basket of laundry you're carrying... Thanks for that. It's just laundry, you just throw it in a machine and punch the same buttons EVERY TIME.
ZOMFG! Every fucking time you overfill the machines! I am done telling you that this DOESN'T HELP, and actually makes things go SLOWER!!!! And how many times must I tell you, throwing a wet load of clothes into a basket to wash another load while the dryer finishes helps absolutely NONE. Now we just have two loads of laundry sitting around wet. FML!
I am done with this hellhole. I showed up to actually help children, but I just can't take it anymore. God protect them from your asinine behavior and logic. I get it, everyone you think is a "bad kid" is going to end up in jail some day. I get it, your parents and teachers beat you. And now you think its funny to joke about beating children. I get it, you think the dumbest shit in the world is funny and have no filter for your stupid brain. Wait, what?! Did you really just laugh at the fact that a white shirt is unlabeled? What the hell?! That's a new level of retarded, even for you.
Finally, some relief, you have movies to watch. OH GREAT, narrate the movie you're watching out loud, I REALLY WANT TO HEAR YOUR OUT OF CONTEXT INNER THOUGHTS ABOUT SOME SHITTY MOVIE.
And I thought you were cutting back on Mt. Dew by switching to Coke and Pepsi! Looks like you fell off the wagon! Are you allergic to non-processed food?!?!
GOOD FUCKING GRIEF! I don't give a single flying fuck about your financial planning!!!!! You tell me the same GOD DAMN stories EVERY NIGHT! And for fucks sake... I'm done helping you cover your ass on lack of coverage issues. We're way past the honeymoon stage now. Gonna write you up next time for sure.
I could seriously go on and on with this one...
Your one saving grace is that you're too daft to be anything really nefarious... And I have to appreciate how you motivated me to move on with my life. Things will definitely get better now... For me. You? you're fucked. You can't remember shit. I actually think you have some early onset dementia... Belly getting bigger, making the same mistakes with your current children as the ones you seemingly proudly disowned (since you tell me about it every other night), and talking about how you should have married your high school sweetheart... Seriously, how low can you go? Please, God, don't let me find out. I don't think I can bear anymore.
Oh, you noticed me being incredibly sarcastic to you... GOOD! Cause I finally don't give a fuck! I have a plan, and it has absolutely nothing to do with here or you. SHITLORD TIME!!!!!!
edit: Impervious to all sarcasm, this coworker continues to announce specificities about the laundry, and I believe I am starting to understand why... It makes them feel smart... ASTOUNDING!