Jesus and the Devil are in an eternal contest. What most people don't know is that every few thousand years, when technology hits new milestones, Jesus and the Devil meet up on earth to contest eachother using the latest technology.
The most recent contest was a programming contest. Whoever produces the best app in 1 month wins ownership of a few million souls who are currently in purgatory.
Jesus and the Devil sit at their workstations, feverishly for weeks, typing code at furious pace.
A few days into the third week, the Vatican [who sponsor both Jesus and the Devil] is hit by a hurricane and the power goes out. Both workstations flicker and blink off.
The Devil, so enraged, blinks down to hell to pick out an extra large pineapple to sodomize Hitler with. By the time he's done the power is back on at the Vatican and Jesus and the Devil are sat back at their workstations, feverishly hacking at the keyboards.
The month is up, Moloch and the Pope emerge from the Vatican's hallowed halls and step to the podium.
"We have two programs, one will clearly be superior. This new technology the humans have created is best used for devious purposes." - Moloch, with a grand hand flourish, presses the "enter" key for Satan's program.
"Nothing happened" said the Pope.
"Check the Voter Rolls", says Satan.
They look through the voter rolls and find that tens of thousands of illegal immigrants have been added to the rolls, and tens of thousands of registered Republicans have been kicked out of the system.
"That's great! Such turmoil and heartache you have caused! And with only a week to code due to the power failure!"
"It was easy, I still had access to Karl Rove's ORCA system and I just re-enabled it to do what it does every 4 years!". Satan stands with his arms folded, glowering eyes, sure of his victory.
"Yes yes Moloch, that was very impressive." Says the Pope. "But let's see what our Lord and Savior hath wrought on his Microsoft Ergo Keyboard."
The Pope presses the "Enter" key, and slowly a roiling tingle comes into being, it is at once all the birds singing, all choirs reaching a pinnacle, and the tone rises and rises until everyone's hair stands on end. The sky darkens, and the sun inverts and changes to a new soothing yellow tone which will permanently improve the moods of all life on earth. A new species appears, which eats biting flies and mosquitos, and poops candy. Finally, on every computer screen on the planet, users are notified of their new accounts in a high-efficiency Blockchain that is extensible like Ethereum but with much wider adoption like Bitcoin.
The Devil is livid. "There is no way he programmed all that in less than a week! You are fucking cheats!"
Moloch looks similarly chagrined, projecting, "I always knew you were a cheat."
The Pope simply waves his hands in dismissal and says "Didn't you know that Jesus saves?"