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[–] satisfyinghump 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

To me, not only was a sort of exercise or mantra for him, but its evident he was VERY scared of what may happen if he failed and was left retarded or brain dead, but still alive.

He wanted to be sure that he was leaving...

[–] sumguy 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

You mean every town doesn't have someone who "survived" a shotgun to the head? My small town, the guy was 3 or 4 grades ahead of me, attempted suicide and survived with a messed up face. No brain in jury that I recall, just physical damage (but that's about 5 decades ago, so my recall may be imperfect).

the kid in my class that succeeded went triple whammy, pill OD, rope about the neck and gun to the head. Sr year in HS too, just before life became incalculably better, though none of us knew it at the time. Benefit of hindsight I guess...