Humans share 95% of our DNA with chimpanzees, yet we share greater than 99.9% of our DNA with Pirates. Is it not obvious that humankind evolved from Pirate rather than primate ancestors?
Pirates have been steadily declining in numbers since the 1800's. This is directly correlated with the increase in natural disasters such as, global warming, earthquakes, and hurricanes. It's science, folks.
The Pirate Mosey was given the Eight Condiments of Pastafarianism during the Golden Age of Piracy, 2500ish years ago. Other religions became jealous of the Holy sanctioned boozing and wenching of the Pastafarian Pirates. The campaign of misinformation and religious persecution that followed has tarnished the reputation of the good and happy Pirates.
The reason behind Pirates being the ancestors of humans, the inhibitors of natural disaster, and the messengers of the FSM, is clear. Pirates are the Chosen People of the FSM. In recognition of this, whenever possible, Pastafarians dress like Pirates, talk like Pirates, and enjoy beer and wenches like Pirates.