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[–] Broc_Lia 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

and basically anything that people touch with their hand AND anything within 100 feet of a bathroom will test positive for fecal matter and the bacteria found in fecal matter

Not to mention that the article was identifying genuses of bacteria, not species. Staphylococci do live in your gut/rectum. They also live on your skin, lungs, eyes and just about everywhere else. The existence of some staphylococci bacteria doesn't automatically indicate danger.