[–] UsedToBeCujoQuarrel 0 points 58 points (+58|-0) ago 

Neither will I

[–] Joker68 1 points 20 points (+21|-1) ago 

Same, fuck that shit

[–] thou_shall_prosper 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Hear hear!

[–] TrevorLahey 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

ditto

[–] ThisIsMyRealName 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I wasn't going to anyway, but now I'm still not going to.

[–] UsedToBeCujoQuarrel 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Ok. Are you still still not going to see it?

[–] Troll 0 points 36 points (+36|-0) ago 

The director's cut version will be planting rainbow flag on the moon.

[–] IGiveZeroFucks 0 points 31 points (+31|-0) ago 

A new sub-plot about Neil Armstrong being a closeted gay man will be added. Reddit threads questioning the new narrative will be deleted for "false historical revisionism." 20 years down the line schools will teach students that Armstrong was a trans man lesbian who, with his black crewmembers, was the first person to plant a rainbow flag on the moon.

[–] Pwning4Ever 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago 

Lol, they already tried to make NASA a bunch of black women in a sea of white men smearing feces on the computers.

[–] Whitworth 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

The entire plot will revolve around Neil and Buzz secretly falling in love while training for the mission. After reaching orbit they have a lingering embrace that is noticed by a homophobic white supremacist Michael Collins. Collins’ burning hatred for their beautiful love drives him to repeatedly attempt to blow up the capsule while shouting bible verses. Neil and Buzz are forced to restrain him as he shouts insanely about Jesus hating science and love.

Deeply concerned about this new predicament, Neil flips an important looking switch on the main console. After a moment, a futuristic hologram appears before them of a trio of wise black women. Neil explains the situation while Buzz struggles to restrain the mad Collins in the background. The wise black women converse for a moment before making a decision. They explain that the only solution is to enact Operation Rainbow Resistance. Neil and Buzz solemnly agree and after tying up Collins, they board the LEM and separate from the Apollo capsule, leaving Collins to die alone in orbit while they land on the surface to create a new utopian society where gays, blacks, transgenders, and Muslims can live together in peace and prosperity millions of miles away from the influence of toxic white Christian society.

After landing, the movie spends about a half hour on artistically shot scenes of Neil and Buzz expressing their love while alone on the surface. Afterwards Buzz delivers a passionate soliloquy about how they need to make a declaration to earth about their new open borders society of tolerance against toxic whiteness, Neil knows just what to do. He exits the lander and plants a rainbow flag on the surface and begins to deliver a speech back to earth that begins with the famous “giant leap” line, but Buzz interupts. There’s an emergency.

Back on board the lander Buzz has intercepted a transmission from the orbiting capsule. Collins had an evil alternate plan all along. His alternate plan, which he calls Operation Alt-Right, is to deploy a weather modification satellite that can create hurricanes designed to target poor black people. Neil and Buzz know they have to stop him to save the completely innocent people who will certainly be our future doctors and philosophers. Unfortunately, this means abandoning the utopia of degeneracy forever. If they leave now, they can never come back.

As they return to the orbiting capsule, they realize they’re too late. The satellite has been deployed. The only option they have now is to send a delay signal to the satellite that will prevent it from turning on for the next 40 years. They openly discuss the repercussions of this. Neil reassures Buzz that humanity could never let evil into a position of power that would ever turn it on, but Buzz expresses concern that the people’s freedom could still be stolen away with just one state’s confusing ballot, or an entire election hacked by their hatful Christian enemies abroad.

For now they agree that this is a concern for the next generation. For now, they have to deal with Collins. He could destroy everything they’ve worked toward with just his hateful words. One insensitive response to a reporter and the hate would infiltrate the minds of an entire generation. They need to suppress that dangerous free speech. They decide to commit the return trip to Earth to reforming Collins through a process they call “Preying the hate away” where they take turns forcibly making love to Collins, grooming him into a person of tolerance.

Moments later, the trio is shown returning to earth with smiles on all of their faces. They all embrace before being greeted by the press. The scene focuses on Collins as a female reporter in a burqa approaches him. She asks him what is the greatest thing he has learned on his journey to space. Looking directly into the camera, he leans in and says, “Love wins.”

Roll credits.

[–] Enemy_of_time 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Lol

[–] lemon11 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

It vas really Soviet Flag planted by Russian Cosmonaut Nikolai Armstrogovich, but capitalist pigs used laser on robot to bleach flag white to hide Communist wictory over cosmos.

t. Checkov

[–] thatguyiam 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Directo'rs cut of 'first man' aims to show the first time a faggot stuck his dick inside another faggot

[–] Caesarkid1 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

On the moon

[–] IGiveZeroFucks 1 points 28 points (+29|-1) ago 

But GUYS, it was a HUMAN achievement! We never would have made it without all the help from Africa and Mexico!

[–] RaptorJesus 1 points 15 points (+16|-1) ago  (edited ago)

Whites did not get to the moon alone goy.

You had the help of that one African woman doing busywork all day, and those South Americans who harvested rubber for the tires of the cars used by the scientists to drive to NASA every day.

It was a worldwide effort and everyone needs to be recognized.

[–] library_of_stupid 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago 

We'll never get to Mars thanks to them.

[–] IGiveZeroFucks 0 points 17 points (+17|-0) ago 

Yeah but who cares? Pretty soon we'll have a diverse world with 15 billion stinky brown people with 70 IQs. Paradise!

[–] notYOURfriend 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

If they want to be truthful, they should point out that without German technology neither the US or the USSR would have gotten anywhere near space.

[–] IGiveZeroFucks 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

they should point out that without German technology...

And 1,000+ German scientists and engineers who were moved to the US after the war to work at NASA and other government weapons programs.

[–] SealofApproval 1 points -1 points (+0|-1) ago 

The Nazis got there first .

[–] Pwning4Ever 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

FYI it was a dirty leaf that said "human achievment". Canada wants their participation trophy.

[–] battleaxe253 0 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago 

SJWs: "How dare Hollywood whitewash Death Note and Ghost in the Shell!"

Also SJWs: "What's with all these salty white conservatives getting upset over the flag again? It's just a movie, jeez."

[–] Cat-hax 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

I mean that pissed me off too but for a different reason, not some culture cock suckery, it's a Japanese story it should be played by japs, also they pushed the SJW shit real fucking hard.

[–] Pwning4Ever 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

Death note takes place in Tokyo. So the libtards just took the plot and put in Seattle. It's like if they made a Clint Eastwood movie in China. Makes no sense.

[–] VoatMobile 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

They want japs mad at whites

[–] Silencedmajor 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

I decided this just based off the trailer. For the first man to walk on the moon, Gosling sure plays him like a pussy whipped little bitch.

[–] Weasel_Soup 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Gosling has always struck me as a little bitch. Something about that face.

[–] freshmeat 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

pedo face.

[–] Lord_Mari 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

The event was a big middle finger to all the commies and socialists. I wouldn't be shocked if one of their own kind would exclude it in their own movie.

[–] Broc_Lia 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

First man???

Did they just assume their gender?

[–] Weasel_Soup 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

The first peoplekind.

[–] lemon11 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

This is so exclusionary to otherkin that my feathers are standing straight on end.

[–] SmokeyMeadow 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Coming soon to theaters, "First Non-Binary Genderqueer Transsexual."

[–] Big_Willy_Wallace 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

THIS JUST IN: DONALD TRUMP IS NOT A CUCK!!!

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