That movie used to get aired seemingly nonstop on local tv back in the 90’s, so naturally I watched it enough that I had it nearly memorized. The hippie stuff never really stood out to me when I was young, but rewatching it now, damn that movie was so jewed it’s painful to watch. Here’s a summary.
So we start off with a bit of background about these characters. There’s about equal doses of baseball nostalgia themed exposition mixed in with the character biographies. The protagonist, Ray, was an asshole to his dad. He doesn’t admit to any fault on either his own part or his father’s that justifies the hate, but just that it existed. Ray comes off to me as a dick, but the movie paces the information out between nuggets of baseball nostalgia so you can’t think about it long. Don’t worry, though, the movie spends a lot more time on Ray inexplicably being an dick to his dad.
We’re then told that Ray was such an asshole to his dad that he decided to throw all of his money away at the most expensive waste anyone could think of in the 60s. He goes to Berkeley of all places just to be a dick. What a massive cunt. His dad works himself to death at a dockyard in New York, and to spite him; Berkeley. I’m already disliking the protagonist, and it’s only the introductory scene. He’s not the most hateable person in the movie, though, as we’re introduced to Annie, his piece of shit hippie wife. More on her later, but for now I’ll summarize her as a cunt.
A few continuity errors later involving directors and editors who don’t realize just how fast corn grows, we finally kick the plot into gear. Ray hears voices that tell him vaguely to build a baseball diamond in his back yard so baseball player ghosts can play again. He does so only because he sees himself as a spontaneous, open minded hippie who would do that kind of thing, unlike his dad. Talk about unprovoked, his father has been dead for over a decade at this point, and the fucker’s still pulling jabs for no reason. Cunt.
Next we see the construction of the baseball field as a montage of Ray bonding with his young daughter over baseball, which we had just heard Ray himself admit his own father tried to do with him, except Ray hatefully rejected it with no explanation. The irony of this scene is clever, though it doesn’t come off as intentional. Meanwhile, the local rural community of hick stereotypes gawk stupidly, because I guess that’s all they have to do.
On a side note about Ray’s daughter. The child actress had a weird upbringing outside of the movie. Look the actress up sometime. Child actors already have fucked up childhoods, but this kid’s is particularly skeevy. In her own words, “If you grew up where we grew up, if you weren't an artist, a drag queen, queer, or a drug addict, then you were the freak.” I mean, in an industry notorious for kid diddling, if this kid wasn’t molested, then my name is mud.
Back in the movie, once the ballfield is complete, we get a conversation between Ray and Annie about Shoeless Joe, where Ray mentions his father in a passing reference. Annie noticed that it was the first time Ray has mentioned his father without taking a needless jab at the dead man. Ray explains his ultimate beef with his dad and it’s because... he was abusive? He drank too much? He was a criminal? No, silly, it was because he was too old. He was a square, man. Ray doesn’t have time for boring old men with jobs. Ray’s enlightened. He’s been reading the subversive writings of the era’s top Jewish Bolsheviks, so fuck you and your traditional values. Fuckin boomers, am I right?
Anyway, the ghostly voice forgets to mention a timetable on this mission and it turns out Joe can’t be bothered to come out of the cornfield until next year. Ray was dumb to plow under the corn before harvesting it, and he should feel dumb. Now there are financial problems. Apparently the field itself was built from their sizable savings, but the loss of a modest acre of land has financially crippled the farm. This is fucking stupid, but it’s literally the only conflict the plot has had up to this point, so fuck it, let’s go with it.
Ray’s daughter notices Joe the baseball ghost loitering around dropping their property values, so Ray goes out to have a word. What do you know, it’s a spooky ghost who wants to hit a few dingers. Ray and Joe bond over Ray’s middling skill as a player, and Joe meets the family. He can’t leave the field, which is unfortunate for him because he can’t jump into the stands for a beat down in case any Phillies fans show up with a pocket full of D cells. Joe vows to haunt them again, which isn’t as bad as it sounds.
Later, Ray hears another vague message from the ghost voice. He could ask his new ghost friend, who might have some insight on ghost voices, but he opts to Scooby it out for himself. Continuity error: Annie calls Ray in because dinner is ready, then dumps a bag of frozen French fries in a pan after he gets in. What a bitch.
Next we go to the school PTA meeting, where Annie is itching to enlighten these inbred yokels with her Berkeley Education. Evil white lady doesn’t want subversive degeneracy taught in school, and Annie is going to give her a piece of her triggered little mind. Never mind that Annie and Ray’s daughter is at most a first grader and this is obviously a high school meeting, there’s degeneracy to promote though the curriculum, and only Berkeley grad Annie can force it on everyone.
Evil white lady points out that the curriculum in particular is borderline pornography, and Annie responds by ree’ing and calling her a Nazi. This isn’t an exaggeration, she actually wins the argument by calling her opponent a Nazi. She puts it to a vote and everyone votes to not be a Nazi. Then she leaves and everyone claps. I know what you’re thinking. Yes, that does sound like a very specific funny meme, and that’s because it was that very specific funny meme. The only saving grace this laughably bad scene had going for it was that it was filmed 30 years before said ridiculous meme was born.
Meanwhile, Ray realizes that as a boomer in the 80’s, the entire world revolves around him. The entire PTA meeting was about him meeting his favorite subversive author of the 60’s all along. What a coincidence! So without delay, Ray jumps in his VW bus, because fucking optics, and heads off to find the old racist.
Now comes an odd scene. Ray gets to Boston and begins searching for Mann, the author he’s looking for. He goes about this by asking various clearly Jewish business owners about him. They are all conspicuously evasive about giving up any info on the guy. Finally, Ray bribes a white goy who gives the information over like it’s a commonly known dark secret. Ray goes to the location directly above the Jew owned businesses, and introduces himself. Mann is immediately standoffish and skeptical of this man who just showed up to the door of his legitimate business making children’s software, and tries to drive him off without even an introduction. Now let’s put all this together: Former author of pornographic adolescent literature now works in a self-professed young children’s oriented home business directly above Jewish owned businesses who refuse to talk openly about the guy, but the locals are used to getting bribes to talk about this shady operation where the guy seems to work “by appointment only?” Hmmm.... Let’s file that one under Easter eggs and move on.
Eventually Ray convinces Mann to join his quest. They get another message at the baseball game to find Archie Graham. From here the movie starts to pick up steam and the hippie shit takes a back seat for a while. Annie’s evil rich white brother is threatening to sell the farm out from under them, which makes him the closest thing to an antagonist the movie has. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, because he claims they can still live in the house, but can’t keep the ball field because property is $2200 per acre and they can’t afford to keep that one specific acre in particular. Whatever.
In Minnesota, Ray finds out Archie is dead, but it’s ok because through hippie ghost magic he’s sent back in time. Unlike when Scott Bakula got sent back in time temporarily into the body of a retard, Ray’s stuck in his body permanently. He meets Graham literally the night of his death and offers him the chance to play baseball again (???). Graham reminds Ray that he’s an old man who is just hours from death, and baseball doesn’t sound like a good idea at the moment. Ray eventually agrees and they go home.
On the way they meet a hitchhiker ghost who is Graham’s younger self, and is in much better shape to play baseball than his 77 year old counterpart. When they get back, Archie ghost starts playing with the other big league ghosts, who don’t like him making thing all gay and weird when he starts winking at them.
Annie’s evil white brother shows back up and tries again to get Ray to sell the farm. Everyone starts talking like they’re in a cult about spooky profit margins and haunted tourism revenue. Evil brother has had enough and flings Ray’s daughter out of the stands like a rag doll in his hulk rage. Everyone is upset, except for Mr Mann, who seems oddly unphased being in the presence of a dead child’s corpse. Hmmm....
Archie notices and goes to help. He leaves the field and reveals that he’s a transformer! He’s turned into 77 year old doctor Graham whose medical knowledge specializes in kids who go into instant comas the moment they choke on hotdogs. A few quick pats on the back and a bill for $7500 later, she’s right as rain. Evil white brother suddenly realizes he’s in this movie and excuses himself. Nobody cares that he nearly killed a child.
To be concluded in the comments...
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[–] 2nddammit 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I actually never saw this movie. Thanks for the synopsis.