[–] Canada_is_gay 0 points 27 points (+27|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Let's pretend the characters were interesting - which they're not. Let's say there was some sort of plot instead of random things just happening - which there isn't. Let's say the diversity and girl power agenda worked without being in your face and stupid - which it doesn't.

The still movie fundamentally doesn't work because you can't throw out a major character's entire personality and say, "Well he changed since we last saw him." When you make a movie generally it's about the most interesting events of your protagonist's life, that probably somehow change them for an arc. It's why sequels rarely work, because inevitably the most interesting events have already been covered, the arc has happened, and all your left with is overkill to try and invoke more drama even though that character's most interesting events have already been shown, or letdown. You can't have a major change in your protagonist off-screen.

"Deeerrrrp...Luke isn't the protagonist in the new movie."

Still the fucking protagonist of Star Wars. Too distracting to have him fundamentally change off-screen.

"Deeerp...it's been 30 years people change in thirty years in real life."

Well this isn't real life, this is a fucking movie. If your protagonist is going through that major of change then that should have been your movie.

That's story telling 101.

I don't like it, but I get how SW got turned into a SJW thing - cause they put an SJW in charge thinking they could do whatever they wanted cause SW would always print money. I don't get how in god's name they failed so miserably on basics of move making. There is absolutely zero logical explanation to not understand how to write a basic fucking story.

[–] CheeseboogersGhost 0 points 27 points (+27|-0) ago 

JJ Abrahams made it clear that he hates white people and was going to destroy Star Wars.

[–] SCRoberts1987 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

Wasn't just JJ but that fat head dip shit Ruin Johnson as well. Just the fact that they had a different writer and director for the middle of a trilogy is fucking retarded, but the direction that idiot took it is unbelievable.

Why ruin Luke? Just why? Where's the benefit? What the fuck were they thinking? Guarantee they wouldn't have done that shit to any classic character that wasn't white & male.

The shit was basically already written for them with the original EU and yet they still managed to fuck it up so horribly that it cannot be fixed.

[–] theshopper 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

In Rape and Murder: A Star Wars Story, JJ Abrams was the rapist and Rian Johnson the murderer.

[–] sLnTsRvC 1 points 1 points (+2|-1) ago 

Plus his nose looks like an actual penis.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

[–] Problematic 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

It is one thing to have Luke change some, and another to turn him into a fucking homeless sex offender which is what he looked like when he molested that space cow and slurped down its alien titty milk.

[–] GoatyMcGoatface 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Ours will be a time studied by the scholarly for many years to come.

Lol jk fam we will disappear with the wind like the rest of history

[–] HotFarts69 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Yeah, the movie should have started "Luke is hot on the trail of Snoke". They fucking blew it.

[–] SweetChicken 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

Thatwas pretty good. I liked his idea for Finn's character arc. This is still my favorite review of this train wreck. https://www.hooktube.com/watch?v=9QJRw56cOVw

[–] SCRoberts1987 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

That review is fucking hilarious. Love how he cuts to the Luke drinking the milk grimace every time he mentions something retarded about the movie.

[–] absurdlyobfuscated 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Skype calls, Shrek, "the gay", Chewie memes, Grumpy, Purple Hair. Lol, good stuff. And fucking true.

[–] SweetChicken 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

WHAT.THE.FUCK.

My favorite was every time he has Luca goes "Nah". lol

[–] derblitzmann 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Mauler is pretty great, hell, he did a 9 fucking hour response to a sophists defense of Dark Souls 2.

[–] Pulverizor 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

That was more entertaining than the movie.

[–] Goat-Master-5000 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

You watched the movie?! I haven't seen it. After I paid money for the "Mary Sue Awakens", I just didn't have the heart to watch these movies any more.

[–] SweetChicken 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Ain't that the truth! Maybe I'll share it with the rest of Voat

[–] Merlynn 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

To be fair,anything the fan community comes up with is going to be better than that shit simply because fans of the series actually give a fuck about the series.

[–] SweetChicken 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago  (edited ago)

So true. I can't believe they actually admitted to not having a plan for the trilogy. You would think an admission like that would cost them their jobs. When a company gives you control how to spend hundreds of millions you'd think you'd have to submit a plan to get the "go ahead"?!

[–] MrPim 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago  (edited ago)

I have yet to see Any of these new SW. That just convinced me that I must see all of them to witness this train wreck first hand. I truly look forward to sitting down, getting baked as fuck and power binging this entire shitshow in one massive hellfest. It's gonna be awesome.

[–] OneTrueCube 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

That's exactly how I watched TLJ. I made a point of not watching any reviews of it beforehand. At times I had to actually yell at the characters for how bad they were. It hurt my soul.

[–] SweetChicken 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Nothing can truly prepare you for the clusterfuck that is The Last Jedi. If you are attached to the OT it will definitely upset you. It’s like they were purposefully trying to piss us off.

[–] TheDarkForce 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

Star wars is over. As a former fan please just let it die.

[–] kevdude 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

^This^

[–] Merlynn 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

I got off the the Star Wars train at Force Awakens. I don't know what you dipshits thought was going to happen with this tire fire.

[–] MrKequc [S] 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Considering the amount of money Disney spent acquiring the property and the number of films they are planning on releasing over the next 20-25 years I keep overestimating people.

At this point they have to throw out the entire core series and start over. Maybe they could skip a ton of Star Wars episodes, start on Episode 70. And leave us to assume that the universe ended and started again.

[–] Merlynn 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Yeah,that whole "they wouldn't hand over this property to a group of retards" argument is a strong one. But in the end,it's destroyed by the evidence. Disney bought Star Wars to destroy it.

[–] 7e62ce85 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I knew after Force Awakens too, but watched TLA for fun... and oh boy was it fun. Not sure about Soylo though. Laughing at a bad movie now and then is great and all, but to make it a habit seems like a waste of time.

[–] theshopper 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

I was devastated when the end credits for the force awakens rolled. Multiple people in the theater shouted profanities at what they just saw. Since then I don't care anymore. I watched TLJ just to see what happens next and like taking a peek in your parents bedroom, I'm scared for life.

Episode 9 will burn.

[–] Merlynn 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Not as long as they get those curious dollars.

[–] Ke1tuMad5 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

I am waiting for the day when the computer video graphics get so advanced and affordable, that 4chan makes an alternative pre-/sequels to Star Wars, which are cool, exciting and interesting, and those then become the canon among the fans while the Hollywood's trash just gets laughed at and eventually ignored and forgotten as a glitch.

[–] TIGER_COOL 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Even if they got some interesting story beats down the dialogue would still be cringy as fuck and it would be voiced by neckbeards or bottom of the barrel Craig's list "talent". See Skyrim story content mods for an embarrassing example

[–] vastrightwing 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

It's only a failure for us deplorables who don't want to be preached to about the wonders of globalization, pedophilia and muslims.

[–] Computergeek01 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Yeah, it got a 93% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes! Nevermind that that's the (((Professional Critics))) score, and the audience score is a messily 46%. That doesn't just scream some kind of Hollywood jackassery is going on.

[–] kammmmak 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

What junk. Unable to get pass an hour of watching. I. Just. Can't.

[–] SweetChicken 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Watch this. It's only 30 minutes long and infinitely better than the film. After watching it you will know every important detail and how badly they fucked it all up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QJRw56cOVw

[–] theshopper 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Even this couldn't save it. Aparently Rian Johnson knows nothing of physics or space or star wars.

[–] bourbonexpert 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I might catch some shit here. It I don’t care, because I’m in my 40s and have a job.

[–] MrKequc [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

No I think you're in the majority.

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