I need some place to talk about this. I don’t think anyone in my life will really get what I feel about all this except you all. So I’ve had this female friend who I’ve been kinda internet pen pals with for about 8 years now. She’s a couple years younger than me and we’ve just been good friends.
Now, when she was in college she met a guy and they dated all the time they went to school and then after they graduated last year they got married. I was the ‘man of honor’ since my friend chose me over any of her female friends to be that for her wedding. It was great. I was really happy for them and I dunno but I was kinda happy to see something so wholesome. Like these two dating only each other in college and graduating and getting married and starting a life in their early twenties. They had everything going for them.
And it was really nice to see someone from my culture, young white people, look like they’re gonna make it. Everyone else my age is deep in the degeneracy with no signs of slowing down.
I was catching up with her on the phone a month ago and lo and behold, she tells me she wants a divorce. 8 months into her marriage and she wants a divorce. EIGHT! Not even a year. And on top of that they had only spent about three months in person with each other. Why? Because she’s off doing this year long volunteer service program which, I feel guilty because I told her to do it. I did it when I was her age, it was a great experience and informed a lot of who I am today and really really is a good opportunity to see the world (and the bad side of it too). But I wasn’t married. I was a young single man, not a recently married young woman.
And there’s a couple things in this picture that just don’t sit right with me and that I think only you all would really get.
First off, what she told me her grievances are. She says he doesn’t put any effort into stuff. I asked what does that mean? And she told me that she’s frustrated that he doesn’t make plans for her like surprise birthdays or Holliday’s like she does because she is a planner. She’s the kind of person who plans to the last detail. And that’s not who he is. Mind you this guy got a full time salary job right out of college and has talked about how and when they’ll financially be able to afford a house, more things in their lives, cars. But she’s frustrated to the point of divorce because he doesn’t plan her stuff like she does.
Second, while she’s away doing what she wanted for a year, he’s been back home working, missing his new wife terribly. Then she goes and tells him hey I wanna divorce unless you step up your attention to me. He tries but that’s just not him and so a few months go by and she’s all but given him the papers.
And then too, her husband. Like I got some sympathy for the guy but he’s just a weeny. Who the hell says, yeah my new wife, go away for a year after three months of being married. He wanted to be supportive of her getting out in the world and finding adventure. Oh she wanted him to do everything that she does for him for her? Absolutely He’ll step up. Oh she wants a divorce? He says she’s the most important thing in his life and sorry it took him so long to realize it. All this from an “everything’s chill” laid back scrawny buddy holly lookin hipster who has wedding photos of him playing video games before the ceremony. If he’d had put his foot down at ALL during any of this, he’d still have a wife but he let that piss right through his fingers.
And so what we have now is a failed marriage, my friend who wants to spend another year in this program “not tied down to anyone” (read that as you will), a wimpy pencil dick guy who doesn’t seem to have learned a thing from any of this, and no family, built on solid financial and family ties and no future built.
And there’s a part of me that’s upset at the world about this and a part of me that can’t help but feel responsible somewhat. My friend looks up to me and I feel like I haven’t lead her down a good path. She’s been with me in support when I did a lot of young adventurous things and through a lot of this I encouraged her to pursue similar things. But she’s not me and I should have been more cautious about that. And then I’m mad at the world, I’m mad that so much of my own life is surrounded by poor choices and degenerate behavior. I’m mad that her husband is such a weak man. And I’m mad that there’s no thought in my friend’s mind about wanting to make a life with a person who they promised to god and the world that they would have each other through it all.
And I don’t have any way of getting that off my chest except to you all. Thanks.
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[–] CameraCode 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
This is a terrible attitude to have. She is your friend, right? Don't you care about your friends? You don't have to save the marriage (that may already be dead), but you have an obligation to get your friend on a better path. She is going to be a divorced woman who spends her time doing volunteer service programs and "looking for adventure". She is going to die bitter and alone without a husband or children if she keeps this up. Are you upset with the state of the clown world? This is your opportunity to fix it. None of us can stand idlely by.
Maybe read some of Empress' stuff or ask her for advice as well, she has good advice for women.
[–] Trasheconomy [S] ago
She’s not my girlfriend and I’m not really gonna exert that much effort into the situation. Also what do I say? Like, everything else in her life doesn’t affirm what I’m saying except the consequences, so I figure just let the consequences happen?
[–] CameraCode ago
Yeah, I thought you said she was your friend. Is that not the case? Or is it that you just want to fuck her? What kind of friend are you that you give up immediately when it gets tough? Do you think the world and society sucks? That's because it's filled with people who say "it's not my problem, I'm not going to exert that much effort into it".
She's not going to learn from the consequences, women never do. They need to be forced into alignment. That is what she wants, in another comment you said she doesn't like her husband because he doesn't call her out or tell her no. She came from a divorced (single mom?) family and hates her dad. She has never had any guidance in her life. She has never had anyone to tell her no or call her out on terrible ideas or behavior. She's already going to be divorced at a very young age, and if she stays on the path she is on she WILL die alone and bitter without any children. At least give it a good solid attempt to help her, because so far it sounds like you haven't don't that.
Now, as for what you say, tell her she needs to re-examine where her life is going. Tell her what we have all told her, and do not sugar-coat it in any way. Ask her if she wants to be married and loved by someone, because a good man is NOT going to take some used up whore who divorced her first husband after a few months just to travel around and get fucked. Make sure to stress this. Women think "Oh, there's no urgency, I can just do whatever I want until it's time to settle down, and I can find a man that will love me and take care of me at some point. I'm so young, I need to experience life while I can!". Using travel as an excuse to have sex is not life. I can't tell you exactly what to say, because I would need to know a lot more about her, but you should use this thread as guidance. We're being harsh because you need it, just like she does. And again, do not sugar coat it. Don't use it as an excuse to insult her.