He and some of his classmates find a room to hide in.
While they're all hiding, crouched behind desks (listening to the screams and gun shots outside),
Cera sees a girl among them that he has a crush on, we'll call her "hot girl #1",
She starts looking over in his direction.
She makes a hand motion for him to come over towards her.
So Michael Cera smiles nervously and starts moving over.
But then as he does, another hot girl (hot girl #2) crawls past him, and he realizes that it was actually HER that hot girl #1 was summoning.
They both glare at him as a result of seeing his mistake.
hot girl 1 (whispering): "ugh, GROSS! like i would EVER want to hide from a shooter with YOU!"
hot girl 2 (whispering): "um...AWK-waaaaarrrrrrrrrrrd...."
but then the shooter walks into their room and shoots the hot girls first. their heads explode.
the shooter kills everyone else in the classroom too, except michael cera.
the shooter instead walks over to michael cera, like a zombie.
michael cera just sits there like a dear (not a typo) in the headlights, screaming.
but then the shooter just shoots himself in the head instead.
the shooter's body falls onto michael cera, who is now too scared to even screem.
meanwhile, outside, the police department is hiding.
fag officer: "i don't want to go in there, sherriff. he has a GUN! what if he SHOT it at us!? it's TOO SCARY."
sherriff: "don't worry, we're not goin in. i got special orders..."
the sherriff then makes the "sshhh" gesture with his finger on his mouth.
but then michael cera comes out, holding the gun away from himself, like it's a used condom, when he finds the cops hiding behind a corner.
michael cera: "um, ...hello?"
fag officer screams bloody murder and bolts outta there.
sherriff (looking at Cera): "what the hell are you doin son?"
michael cera: "uh, i don't know what's going on. there was a shooter, he had this gun. please take it before it gets into the wrong hands."
sherriff (points his gun at Cera and cocks it): "i don't think so.."
michael cera: "...wait, what?"
but then the news cameras are on the scene, and they can see the two of them
so the sherriff lowers his weapon and says: "you're under arrest for the Maple Park School Shooting™ "
michael cera: "the what?"
sherriff puts cuffs on him and says: "it's what they're gonna call this event here today."
michael cera: "but i didn't... ok. fine."
michael cera goes to jail, pleading all the while that he didn't do anything.
he sees scary faces of big-ass gorilla-lookin niggas, in the jail cells that he passes by.
the guard tells him that his attourney will be with him soon, that he should try to just get a good nights sleep, cause he's gonna have a long day tomorrow.
we cut to a montage of news coverage of the shooting.
classmates that never actually met michael cera (don't even get his name right)
are now on tv claiming that they did everything they could to make him feel accepted,
but say that there was nothing they could do beceuse he was always just a twisted, fucked-up psycho.
these classmates also take this oppourtunity to plug their movie-review youtube channels, diy cooking instagrams, and celebrity-parody twitter accounts.
VOAT HAS A CHARACTER COUNT, SO I'LL CONTINUE IN THE COMMENTS