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[–] McFucklet [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Likewise and same to you. Under /v/introductions you can make your own too if you'd like to introduce yourself more formally. It's the only place where you don't need points to make a post, I think.

Hope you're feeling better too, and welcome to Voat. Reddit OP sounded like he was fapping to it or something and everyone encourages him and bans you... At least you get a better community out of the deal (though you have to admit it's hilarious how much of Voat is about Jews lol). Take care

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[–] turkey87 1 points 1 points (+2|-1) ago 

I tried, unfortunately I do need 10 points to do that much. It makes me feel like I'm supposed to go around begging for them like a homeless person for change? But I'll get there.

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[–] McFucklet [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I voted up the comments of yours I could see so I think you only need 2 more now.

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[–] starjello 1 points 0 points (+1|-1) ago 

I hope that point helps. I know how it feels.

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[–] turkey87 1 points 0 points (+1|-1) ago  (edited ago)

Hey man. Sorry I don't know how to PM, but you seem intelligent and I could use some insight here. I'm in my early 30s and I've been super depressed recently (memories of a friend who killed himself when I was 18). I've been on a bit of a solo bender because of it. Young people keep looking at me and smiling while I'm out. Any idea what it's about? It's been bothering me. If I smile back or wave or say hello they keep smiling like I didn't do anything. Women have been hugely flirtatious with me as well but I've been ignoring it.

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[–] McFucklet [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I don't know how either so no worries. Thank you for the complement. By solo bender are we talking alcohol? Or do you mean you've been isolating yourself long-term?

Two things immediately come to mind regarding your experiences:

I think a lot of the fact that this seems conspicuous to you might have to do with the extreme contrast between how people are acting compared to how you feel inside. I don't have much to go on, but this indicates to me that however bad things have gotten, you're keeping yourself together well. They're responding to what they have to go on and it sounds like these are random people that have no context of you besides the observable, which is principly appearance and demeanor (including body language, posture, etc.). Men often improve in appearance with age, too; women decay from their peak beauty whereas we grow into many of the things considered attractive about men (think wiry 19 year old vs him physically matured 10-15 years later and showing signs of outward success).

There also might be changes secondary to how you've been living that you didn't notice but that gradually appeared. I experienced something similar when I was depressed and lonely my first time around in college. I took up cigarettes and weed to avoid dealing with what I was going through and my appetite was already stifled from going through depression and I lost some weight without realizing it. Im one of those people that is conventionally attractive at one weight but am any old five or six out of ten if I'm 10 or 15 pounds heavier than that. Inadvertantly losing weight made me noticable and suddenly I'd run into girls from my humanities class in the book store or dining hall and they were all smiles and wanting to talk. It weirded me out as well until I realized what did it later (the weed had compromised my insight at the time). A small amount of weight near your healthiest weight is what really brings out facial features and I wonder if this might apply to you at all, or maybe another creeping change that gives people a different first impression than you are used to (e.g. perhaps you've disengaged from the world because of how you feel, but this appears on the surface as confidence if before you were more reactive and now you just plow your way through your routines or don't display social hesitance or anxieties that you might have if you were more engaged before; these are just a couple ways I can think of). Anything you can identify?

Plato's Republic has the one quote that explained life to me in it, book 2 IIRC: since then, as philosophers prove, appearance tyrannizes truth and is Lord of happiness, so it is to appearance I shall devote myself. You might get a kick out of the conversation that's from; Adamanteus is talking to Socrates and a couple others and it's an insightful dialogue. You might get a kick out of it given what you're experiencing.

I'm curious to hear more about their non-response. Certain flavors of mild psychosis give this same impression, but you don't sound that way to me. I know lots of us get stuck in our own heads when we are down and isolated, and it's easy to think more of what's happening around us is about us than really is. There's also the ice break factor when engaging others. Idk about you but for me and a lot of others, it's a big leap from a smile or nod to actually starting up a conversation. Think how many guys will look at a pretty girl and smile or wink or nod compared with how many of them would be willing to go up to her and start talking if she smiled back, or even waved. This might be your situation, flipped. Again, I'm curious to hear more as well as if you've thought about engaging the flirting. I know when I've been solo for a long time, I've lost my bearings a little bit for how normal life goes and in general, if something has changed how other will perceive you, then you are not re-entering the same set of interactions you are used to so you're jumping into a pool of a different temperature.

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend and how it's still affecting you. I've never lost someone to suicide so I can only imagine what that was like. I've just recently gotten through a winter season of my life myself and I'd like to hear more about what's going on if you're down to talk.

Either way, sorry you're feeling depressed and I hope that how the world is reflecting you means that things are getting better.