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[–] turkey87 1 points 0 points (+1|-1) ago 

I wanted to create my own post but can't yet, so here it is. It'll be a heavy one for sure.

I got an alt banned from reddit for sharing something really kind of messed up that directly related to another redditor's submission, so I'll share it here as my introduction.

So the redditor made this post:

I followed up with what follows and got that account banned shortly after:

I know what you're talking about. Sort of. In the Kazaa/Limewire days, I went to download a Treble Charger music video for my brother, who was a huge Treble Charger fan. I opened it to watch it once it finished downloading to make sure it didn't have any audio or visual issues, otherwise I would download a different copy. I only got a few seconds in, it was some guy assfucking a little boy. I deleted it and downloaded a different Treble Charger video which turned out to be the right one. I made friends with the guy who ripped the proper video and he ended up taking some requests from me for others. When he asked how I found him I explained it and he never talked to me again. I know I didn't do it intentionally, but I still feel nauseous thinking about what I saw, I kind of wonder how much of an effect that had on causing me to have bad depression episodes and anxiety, which I had around people anyway, but it always feels like this dirty thing I need to hide. Like some people can just talk and feel good not worrying about saying something bad, I feel like I have to watch what I say in case I ever slip this to someone who thinks I did it intentionally or spreads it through social chains or whatever. It was a complete accident but it makes me feel awful. I remember the sounds the kid was making as well. The adult male that was doing it probably never got in trouble for it and is living fine. I know people who got away with so much bad stuff and it doesn't bother them, I just witness someone doing something awful accidentally and it ends up haunting me for life. There isn't any justice. I feel like the bad guy and it was a complete accident and I didn't enjoy it at all.

I was hoping to get some feedback from people on it, instead it just got deleted, so maybe somebody here can give me some kind of feedback on it. It made me feel really sad, angry, frustrated and nauseous when I remembered it, due to the effect its had on my life, that I can't really talk about it, and even if I could I can't undo the damage it did.


[–] McFucklet [S] 1 points 0 points (+1|-1) ago  (edited ago)

It sounds like you were left with survivors guilt, not to mention in a way you were violated by seeing that. It sounds like the kinds of things people experience when they've been sexually assaulted themselves (can speak first-hand, was homeless once upon a time).

I don't know why you replied this under mine, but I understand exactly how you feel. I followed a bunch of edgy hackticist groups once upon a Time on Facebook and some of them started unearthing "child modelling" pages that we would mass-report (this was under the anonymous banner). This turned into groups that did nothing but this and I ended up starting a "killsquad" of my own with a friend after the guy who started the first one got power hungry. Some specialized, like YoNonamous which would expose child groomers on YoVille.

Many others were launched too and almost all of them, ours included, were an even mix of teenage/early 20s hacktivist type guys and stay at home soccer moms looking for something more meaningful to do with their time than watch Rachel Ray.

We got a lot of pages shut down. These sick pages with young girls in revealing swimsuits and other outfits. Every once in a while there would be actual nudity, but nothing violently graphic per se. We tried to get info on the people or from them and there are 40 regional FBI offices (or were then) that we would pass off anything we could get to.

Then, one day, someone found a page that had a picture of a boy laying across it as it's banner. I legitimately never bothered looking straight at any of the shit. You don't have to and you know what it is at a glance. Seeing the faces of the "child modelling" ones even was sickening anyway. They all looked so scared.

Well, that page got posted into mine and many other groups whose members got a notification of the post and everyone replied R for reported and it was down within minutes.

From the picture I had assumed it was a pedo version of where a girl will like lay sideways in a bikini or naked or whatever. You know, standard porn pose or whatever.

Well, I found out later from one of our soccer moms that it was a still from a video that was down the page and he wasn't laying on his side posed... He was hog tied and there was a video of two grown men raping him.

Never signed on again. I'm actually crying some here years later just thinking about it right now. When I was 8 or 10 or however old, I was playing Pokemon with my friends and watching DBZ and doing cub scouts and just didn't have a care in the world and that kid was no different than I was but he was treated like that. I still worry he might have ended up dead, as the whole thing sounded like a kidnapping.

The page was in Spanish and was probably in central/Latin America based on the pages we had found before.

I feel guilty I stopped about that too but frankly I had worked up a drug and alcohol problem that the whole thing exacerbated and I will be honest, just seeing that that sort of thing takes place really took the sparkle out of life. The guy who started mine with me, name was Andrew and lived in the UK. He ended up going to his university's counselling over it too.

It sucks that these kinds of things rob people of their innocence during the most magical years of their lives and then persist to hurt and haunt others.

You didn't do anything wrong. Things like that come out eventually and hopefully he is in prison or was beaten to death by his community. While I can't imagine the kid living with that, he probably is grown up and living a good life now, or we can hope.

It wasn't your fault man.


[–] turkey87 1 points 0 points (+1|-1) ago 

I can't make my own topics yet so just posted this on something I saw on the front page. It sucks what you saw. Thanks for reading and getting back to me. It feels good to get it out there sometimes. I hope you're feeling a little better now as well, even if it's only temporary.