[–] [deleted] 0 points 126 points (+126|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] NeedleStack 1 points 30 points (+31|-1) ago 

That's what I was thinking. He's probably desperate to reaffirm and 'regain' his manhood after all the years of being strangled by her octopus-like strangleholds on him. He wants the company of men and to be a man. Poor dude.

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[–] Owlchemy 0 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago 

I think you may have nailed it!

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[–] Gake_The_Cake 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

My brother did something like that in the Air Force.

His CO sat him down in his office and very unkindly informed him that he could face severe punishments for civilians calling him on his line. A bit of past about my brother: back then he fucking hated our mom's guts long before she tried to get a hold of him. The CO proceeded to inform my mom that she could face 10 years minimum jail if she called that line again or made any other attempt to make contact with my brother again.

It seems she learned a valuable lesson that day.

You don't fuck with military command.

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[–] Cid 1 points 82 points (+83|-1) ago 

Update from the comments: 1 2

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[–] MayorHarrison 0 points 37 points (+37|-0) ago 

And Mom still hasn't realized that she only has herself to blame. It's always everyone else picking on her and Junior.

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[–] binky_is_dead 0 points 24 points (+24|-0) ago 

Junior didn't deserve that. I feel bad for him. But yeah it's not a ruined career, just a couple of nights cleaning the head, or "latrines" as those army weenies call them.

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[–] Grospoliner 0 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago 

The mom would make a good feminist.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] ScreaminMime 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

GUCK da CUCKS!!!

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[–] Drenki 1 points 4 points (+5|-1) ago 

a different kek from the comments. this is the mom's son https://i.imgur.com/MK53FHH.jpg

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[–] BretsFan4Ever 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Never thought I'd see a conclusion to this, but you delivered. Have an upvoat sir.

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[–] Firinmahlazer 1 points 29 points (+30|-1) ago 

As an army vet this is extremely funny. I can hear the tone of everyone perfectly.

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[–] Owlchemy 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

So well done by the Army dude ... he just led her along perfectly ... a classic!

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[–] BentAxel 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Especially the CO. I'm sure no, positive he was very polite.

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[–] mispelledsomething 0 points 19 points (+19|-0) ago 

Someone's about to get hazed some enhanced training.

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[–] ForgotMyName 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

Maybe a new name as well.

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[–] mispelledsomething 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

I mean, Lawrence isn't really that bad of a name.

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[–] Seeker74 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Can you imagine the "Momma's Boy" thrashings he's going to get now?

[–] [deleted] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] Fuzzycrumpkin 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Hazing only happens once, but since he is new they might not have had the honor. Other wise, he is gonna get smoked. Honestly I can see the brigade csm calling a formation then calling out this guy's name, making him do push ups or flutter kicks while he tells the story of this interesting mother who called and decided to chew him out on behalf of his disgruntled son because he doesn't get a combat patch.

I can also imagine the angry looks from the sergeants intensifying when the csm gets to the actual reason why she called. Not only are the pissed because this is probably a formation that was called after they've been dismissed for the day, but this little shit had the balls to complain about not having something, for which he hasn't earned yet.

This guy now has sergeants lining up to smoke him for the foreseeable future, and since it was probably atleast a battalion level formation that is a lot. My battalion was 350-500 I think maybe more and there probably 50+ sergeant and above.

Then again the csm mightve just sent word down his chain of command. Either way this kid is gonna have an interesting week. I can hope for the worst though.

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[–] mispelledsomething 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Hm. Army must do things differently. In the Marine Corps, the hazing continues until morale improves.

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[–] 2716057 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

Alright... story time:

I was a TI with the US Air Force, and I saw a LOT of stupid shit, like this. My favorite thing came in the form of a letter and a box from a trainee's older brother...

One trainee's brother had already gone through Basic and had been AD for several years, so the trainee thought he knew what to expect. he had gotten the "inside scoop" from his older brother, and dear god did his brother throw him under the bus! I was convinced his brother was lying to him, because every fucking thing the trainee did was wrong, but he was proud of his "accomplishments" as if he had done it perfectly. He was "showing" the other trainees how to do things, and getting them in trouble for doing it wrong, and getting picked on for it. A few weeks in, once he's started to get acclimated, his brother sent him a BIG ol' box of fudge with a card which was FILLED with glitter and sang.

When I went to pass out mail, I saw the pink envelope with pony stickers all over it, and I made the trainee open it right then and there in the dayroom... glitter went fucking EVERYWHERE and he just looked at me like I was going to cave his head in with a bat. I then made him open the box to make sure it wasn't something against the rules, but I already had a pretty good idea what it was... I had seen this before. I made him eat ALL the fudge right there in the dayroom, in front of the rest of the flight, as he sang along with his card. Then, after he was done puking up all that sugar (which he had worked so hard to detox out of his body the past few weeks), I made him clean up the dayroom all by himself.

Moral to the story, if you ever go into the military, keep the information exchange to a MINIMUM! Don't give your address to anyone who doesn't need it... and those that DO get it, tell them not to send anything without your permission, first!

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[–] LusciousFox 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Why? Because you wanted to punish him?

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[–] 2716057 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Because the glitter needed to be cleaned up, the box needed to be opened in front of me, and the fudge needed to go away.

I explicitly told all of my trainees, one day one (when they get their addresses), that they're to tell their family NOT to send care packages... At least while they're in Basic. There's simply no need for it. But there was always one or two who couldn't follow directions, or their family didn't care what was asked of them, and they got candy, video games, porn, Pokemon cards, and all kinds of stupid bullshit.

Some of it I could "hold" for several weeks, but good items had to be disposed of... And I couldn't make them throw it directly in the garbage... So I made them eat it until they WANTED to throw it away.

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[–] Owlchemy 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

Sooooo cool ... thanks for posting! Wouldn't wanna be in that poor baby's boots. And Mommy might get a good talking to, too! By her son - LOL!

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[–] Slayfire122 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

It's probably the reason he joined, just so he could get away.

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[–] selpai 5 points 10 points (+15|-5) ago 

Fake.

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[–] JustTruthful 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

I went to army and stuff like this did happen. When you got a kid who lived with his parents before drafting, the moms can be unbelievable protective. I remember a guy whose mom called because the kid had to wake up at 5:45am. Needless to stay, after the call the kid got plenty of night guard duty.

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[–] maxoverdrive 12 points 1 points (+13|-12) ago 

Redditisms belong on reddit. If you're going to call "fake" like some reddit neckbeard, then damned well post a link proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's fake. Otherwise, fuck back off to reddit.

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[–] Avarix 7 points -2 points (+5|-7) ago 

redditism is upvoting fake shitposts like this to the front page

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[–] FishBoneFredd 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

I feel like I just set great things in motion. Great things.

I'll say HOOAH to that.

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