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[–] Splooge 1 point 0 points (+1|-1) ago 

This is one of those stories that makes me understand why "have sex" is a meme.

For one, do masturbation machines really work if you're missing 20k nerve endings? And if your balls were really abused that badly, they'd burst, not swell. And if you really got to that point, you'd be dragged back "to camp" unconscious, not hobbling, and certainly not on your own, and certainly not still capable of speech to any degree.