[–] MikeyMo123 0 points 29 points (+29|-0) ago 

Not sure what's funny about this. That said, I'd also have the bitch executed.

[–] anoncastillo 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

It's funny because Claudius won the competition.

[–] MikeyMo123 1 points 0 points (+1|-1) ago 

Claudius was a fag or something?

[–] 1Sorry_SOB [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

It has a punchline.

[–] carnold03 1 points 8 points (+9|-1) ago 

I, Claudius was an awesome play. Claudius was such a bitch his senators had to get him absolutely shit faced before he'd sign the execution order.

[–] I_forgot_my_password 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Wasn't he the one the praetorian guard installed as Emperor? After they found him cowering in a corner?

[–] Martel-Sobieski 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago  (edited ago)

They executed claigula and his immediate family. Then installed Claudius because he was partially deaf, had a limp, and was a bit autistic acting. They thought he was retarded so he could be easily controlled. Tiberius was insane and murdered his heirs who were "threats" in purges but left Claudius because they thought he was retarded. Claigula did likewise and murdered his family members too but left Claudius because he thought he was retarded.

After claigula died with his family he was the last man in his family, the same family as Caesar and Augustus. So obviously he had the legitimacy and was consul with Nero so he had the political power to pull it off.

He ended up actually being really smart and was the best emperor since Augustus and the last good emperor in the julio-claudian line.

Ever hear of the Roman roads and aqueduct systems?

Claudius built a ton of them. Ever hear of Great Britian?

Without Claudius starting the real (Caesar had tried before) conquest of Britian they'd all be a bunch of savages

He loved the law, presided as a judge in his free time, and issued dozens of edicts daily.

He was forced to murder a bunch of senators planning against him, and those senators friends happened to be the guys that wrote the history books.

The guy wasn't a pussy, he wasnt retarded. Helped rebuild Romes crumbling infrastructure. He helped expand the empire where Hadrian would eventually build a wall and make the Picts pay for it.

You ever give someone a ring with a gem in it? According to Pliney that was a fashion invented by Claudius

He annexed Thrace, Noricum, Pamphylia, Lycia, and Judea. The last one was basically Israel and, well, it led to like 2000yrs and counting of butthurt jews. Though he did give the jews freedom in the empire after they rioter against the Greeks.

If a slave got sick and his master abandoned him he was free. If a slave died due to neglect then the master could be charged with murder

He traveled to Britian himself and brought fucking elephants to the island.

He built a canal from the rhine to the sea (helping pave the way from Germany being such street shitters) and built a road from Germany to Italy.

He drained lakes to help turn more of italy into lush countryside

The guys impact is still felt today tbh throughout Europe. Theres not a single western Europeans descended white today whose current life isnt affected by the changes Claudius made all those years ago.

As for his wife, Messalina, honestly we don't know why the bitch died. The order was given to scrub her name from history. Aggripina the Younger married Claudius next (was also his niece). She was replacing Messalina as Emperess and trying to elevate her own children above Messalinas. So stories were spread around about her being a whore. Her running off and marrying a senator and Claudius was too wimpy to kill her so another senator went behind his back and signed the order, her bedding 25 men in the prostitute competition, she was plotting against Claudius, and her working nights in a brothel under the name "she-wolf". Obviously all this is to ruin her reputation in the public eye, cast doubt on the legitimacy of her children, and make aggripina look like a saint in comparison.

The "history" on her are stories that guys like Tactius and Pliney claimed they heard about her.

Aggripina would kill Claudius. She was an important woman in her own right.

Dangit he wasn't a retarded pussy. He was someone that proved the most unlikely of individuals can have great impact

He was followed by Nero, and wooo boy was that guy awful

[–] anoncastillo 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Good show, too.

[–] Pwning4Ever 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

Well she was executed for conspiring against Claudius, misleading meme

[–] recon_johnny 1 points 0 points (+1|-1) ago 

Conspiring to suck cock, amirite?

[–] JTMTL 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I highly recommend watching the PBS series titled "I, Claudius".

[–] RedditSuxBalls 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

That show is so old Patrick Stewart had hair in it.

[–] JTMTL 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

That means it was done much closer to the actual time of Claudius! They had more people with first hand knowledge.

[–] Pawn 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Thot paid the toll

[–] goatboy 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Considering what Roman Emperors where known to do to folks, I need to know- was the execution the winning prize or the consolation prize?

Now, I have to know. Did she win the competition or lose? What happened to the prostitute?

Also, how many blond wigs?

[–] ShinyVoater 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Supposedly she won(with Claudius being unaware of the event). The execution was ordered later in relation to actual political events(that still managed to involve her infidelity), but possibly by someone other than the Emperor(who merely gave his indifference).

[–] boekanier 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 


[–] QueenoftheAngels 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 


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