[–] NoisyCricket 0 points 19 points (+19|-0) ago 

The only thing worse than this is you declaring something like, "I'm going to get a quick burger, does anyone want anything?" And they start with a two minute description of all the bullshit they require. I'm doing you favor. Don't punish me by making it a fucking chore.

[–] everlastingphelps 0 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago 

The correct reply is, "so you don't want anything?"

[–] Rabidfish88 1 points 12 points (+13|-1) ago 

A vegan and a vegetarian walk into a bar.

I only know because they told everyone within 5 minutes

[–] watitdew 2 points 7 points (+9|-2) ago 

This has been my life for the past 10-15 years (mostly in the back) and the picky trend shows no sign of stopping and I am getting the fuck out.

I love the art and science of cooking, and the camaraderie with my boys on the line but I am fucking sick of this 'the customer is always right' (Guy who coined this term went broke) and 'Yes is the question what is the answer' (revered NYC restaurateur (((Danny Meyer)))).


Tired of the 'gluten free' fucks who order a beer and keeping gluten free pizza crusts in the freezer that get thrown in the same tiny wood fired oven on a station that is basically teeming with gluten. In one case putting a flour based sausage gravy on a gluten free crust for a breakfast pizza (enjoy, fuckhead).

People who require their fish to be sauteed in 'extra virgin olive oil' which requires heating it way past the smoke point. And you can't explain to them why this is idiotic because muh customer.

People who are afraid of oil/fat because something TIME magazine wrote two decades ago. Egg white omelettes.

Composed dishes with 3 different finishing sauces and they want them all on the side.

It's all just taking everything I strive for as a professional cook and reducing it to the lowest common denominator because our culture is completely oriented to mercantile values and 'equality' instead of what is great or beautiful.

'I can't eat anything with a face please but I want to split the whole fish'

'I'm probably going to swap spit with my date later on but can we have the composed 3.5oz portion of octopus split on two separate plates?'

I could go on but I'm just making myself angry now.

[–] moarzor 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago  (edited ago)

You know that guy who just orders food without special request, eats it, pays, and leaves? That's me. You're welcome.

[–] watitdew 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

That's me too. And about 90% of people. And thank you.

[–] riposte 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

I only ask that you make it spicy if it's the right kind of dish for that. Like reallllly spicy.

[–] Bananahead 1 points 7 points (+8|-1) ago 

I would agree with you there, as someone who has Celiac disease (the only people who actually can't have gluten). You can immediately spot the hipster faggots who selectively pick and choose when they can have gluten.

[–] everlastingphelps 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

About to say the same thing. An actual allergy is an allergy.

It's like some fuckhead who says, "I'm allergic to avocados." Sorry, it's already put on top this morning. "That's ok, I'll scrape it off." Then you aren't fucking allergic you fucking fuck.

My wife is allergic to bell peppers, and it's not anaphylactic, it's GI, like celiacs. She's not scraping bell peppers off, they better not have ever been on the food. Me? I don't prefer mushrooms, but I don't lie about being allergic, especially when I can just eat around them.

[–] watitdew 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Yeah man believe me I feel for you guys. I do take these requests seriously when I execute them but seriously that pizza station especially was a lost cause. Middle of the one of the biggest brunches of the year and some twat requests that we cook her gluten free pie on a sheet tray in the oven. I'm like, fine, I'll do it but there's absolutely no guarantee you won't have bloody crampy shits later. Hope it was worth it.

[–] 13314812 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Just dealing with this shit at home once in a blue moon entertaining guests is annoying as fuck, and a lot of them (one time invitees) still pick things out, eg. lettuce or anything green from a burrito or sandwich etc.

Food wasters too.

[–] watitdew 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

[–] iloveTTYs 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

You're an artist. Concentrate on the people who you can make happy. Keep doing what you do. Know that it doesn't go unnoticed or unappreciated.

[–] watitdew 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

A failed artist

[–] 8stripes 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Liquor and a house salad with olive oil and balsamic?

[–] lemon11 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Now that's a breakfast.

[–] Hmmm 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Today I went out to get some ramen for lunch. While finishing my meal I overheard some ladies sitting behind me grilling the waitress on which things have no eggs, because they don't eat eggs, and how the tempura batter has eggs for sure, while the waitress kept insisting that it didn't. This went for a good while where the waitress would say "you could have X, it doesn't have eggs in it", "but can we have it without eggs?", "it doesn't have eggs".

Once they were done "ordering" and the waitress started to I got her attention and asked "Can I please get my bill, without eggs preferably.". I thought it was quite funny.

[–] watitdew 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

They always travel in packs too. Picky eaters tend to find each other even in mating. "Oh you're both gluten free and pescatarian? So glad you found each other."

[–] puggy 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

How about "eat shit"?

[–] Quicktor 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

This photo was taken in Bend or Portland, Oregon...they Photoshopped out the bald bastard's dreadlocks and facial tattoo though...

[–] CheeseboogersGhost 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Watch the movie 'Waiting....'. That's what I would get them.

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