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[–] Drkadrka 1 points 244 points (+245|-1) ago  (edited ago)

Ah, this seems to be a specimen of the Blue-Crested Faggot. They are related to both the purple- and red-crested varieties of the faggot family, but are a much rarer find.

Rarely seen in society, they are nearly extinct outside of the college campus, as they lack the means to provide for themselves, let alone reproduce to any measure of success. An interesting fact about blue-crested faggots, the males of the species are nearly indistinguishable from the females due to their similar plumage, body shapes, gestural iterations and vocal utterances. This has led to more documented homosexual encounters in the wild than even dolphins, as noone, not even other faggots, can be sure of gender from sight and sound alone.

You can tell that this one has been a captive specimen for quite some time, as there are multiple anchor points, at the nose, ears, and mouth. These are used when caged to prevent them from squawking by running a braided cable through to bind them shut, saving the owner the misery of its annoying and uninspired song.

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[–] Pop-up-king 0 points 34 points (+34|-0) ago 

I actually logged in just to upvote this.

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[–] Drkadrka 0 points 40 points (+40|-0) ago 

Thank you for your upvoat. I plan on saving up for the light-up yoyo. Once I hit 4000 CCP, that yoyo is mine.

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[–] DasReich 1 points 15 points (+16|-1) ago 

BRA-FUCKING-O

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[–] lord_nougat 0 points 17 points (+17|-0) ago 

Kind of like a bravo, only without the v.

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[–] DasReich 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

I believe I've heard their mating call before. It sounds like "REEEEEEEEEEEE". Can you confirm?

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[–] Drkadrka 0 points 28 points (+28|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Actually that is they sound they make when confused or disoriented. That might be why you hear it fairly regularly.

It is believed that this is a major factor in them having evolved to be a non-migratory species, because their constant state of disorientation due to lack of survival skills and subsequent REEE-ing led to their hunting to near extinction in the American West and Midwest.

Outside of their natural habitats along the West Coast of the United States, there are very isolated pockets in the Albuquerque and Tucson areas, but the largest concentration with the most genetic diversity can be found in and around Travis County, Texas; specifically in Austin, TX.

If you find yourself around a disoriented or otherwise agitated Blue Crested Faggot, it is best to back away while shaking your head disapprovingly and clicking your tongue in a tsk-tsk-tsk manner as if to imitate a parental figure showing disapproval or disappointment.

Under no circumstances should you turn your back to a Blue Crested, or any of the Crested Faggot species, as they are known for attacking alone or in swarms, often striking and retreating with surprising swiftness relative to their size and shape. Attacks are often without warning or provocation, and most often occur when Faggots are confused or otherwise intimidated, often by the most basic of facts.

If attacked, it is advisable to seek immediate medical attention, as all species of Faggots are know to carry a wide array of transmissible disease.

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[–] uvulectomy 1 points 6 points (+7|-1) ago 

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[–] Drkadrka 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Did you just give me a Shia LeDouche slow clap?

High five!

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[–] CANCEL-CAT-FACTS 0 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago 

Ruins every Thanksgiving, birthday, Fourth of July, funeral, holiday, he is ever invited to. Can't even have him over for Columbus Day without a vegan lecture.

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[–] normieboy2017 0 points 13 points (+13|-0) ago 

Did you just assume xer's gender ?

(No seriously, did you ? Because I have no idea)

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[–] kevdude 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Did you just assume xer's its gender?

FTFY

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[–] Aniabub 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Thats not a chick?

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[–] CANCEL-CAT-FACTS 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

That is a tumblr-generated crappy helicopter.

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[–] HeavyBrain 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Fourth of July

Yeah not like you could hear it over the fiereworks and all the meat on the BBQ.

Downside, you cant make it shut up on that day, constitution and whatnot.

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[–] Gorillion 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago 

Only an upper or upper middle-class asshole could afford to make themselves this unemployable. Good work parents. Bet you had that college savings account set up from day one. Only the colleges saw you coming and set up endless bullshit degrees to siphon that wealth away from idiots like you through your raised-by-ideological-predators children.

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[–] Artofchoke 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

Can you imagine this thing skulking around inside your home? No fucking way. I'd beat it normal. Or dead.

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[–] HeavyBrain 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

If its older than 16 you definitely should.

Being retarded as a teen is ok, not when you about to enter the world.

But then again you cant expect them to grow up when they are coddeled up with bullshit like zero tolerance and participation awards.

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[–] SirDigbyChikenCaesar 0 points 13 points (+13|-0) ago 

Boomers did this.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] Imapopulistnow 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

Yep! Boomer here. In the pre-great recession good times we gave our little kiddies everything, demanded of them nothing, avoided opportunities for failure and rewarded it with ribbons when it was not avoidable, and today we can witness the results of our well meaning but fucked up parenting. There is a lot of other shit going on to explain the safe spaces, anti free speech cultism, massive addiction epidemics, etc. but we boomers clearly did our part in contributing to this shit show.

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[–] DrShitlord 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

The sad truth is, we are always - to a certain extent - products of our ancestors and surrounding culture. It takes mental effort to not entirely be that, so if one does not reflect, one becomes a Blue Crested Faggot.

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[–] newoldwave 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

What species is it?

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[–] DasReich 0 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago 

According to @Drkadrka it's a Blue-crested Faggot. Seems legit.

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[–] bourbonexpert 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

actually, they didnt raise the child, they werent there enough when it was younger, they were probably making sure they had a safe nice car. a good neighborhood. they may have help with homework....but they had to go to work. they had baby sitters etc.

the older i get the more i see that if you arent at every single ballet class, soccer practice, bmx or skateboading event. contest. birthday holiday and have a TV night with no homework on saturday...by the time they turn 12 or 13....its too late. and you have to pray to god they dont get seduced by pop culture or drugs or start getting influence by a bad crowd.

when i see stuff like this i see they are rebelling against the world. And what was the world to some kid this age? his or her home life growing up.

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[–] Broc_Lia 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

actually, they didnt raise the child, they werent there enough when it was younger, they were probably making sure they had a safe nice car. a good neighborhood. they may have help with homework....but they had to go to work. they had baby sitters etc.

Or they were there too much. Helicopter parenting isn't great either.

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[–] Maeglor 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Are you saying the formative years are squandered on hobbies in lieu of developing strong familial bonds?

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[–] bourbonexpert 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

no. thats the opposite of what im saying. how the hell could you take that message? LOL thanks for the chuckle.

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[–] truckboattruck 2 points 8 points (+10|-2) ago 

ill say the same thing here that i would say to any disappointed parent...at least its not a half nigger.

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[–] HeavyBrain 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Hey did you just assume zhe's race?

Stop transrace shaming.

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[–] sinjinsmythe 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Can you imagine that is actually a thing? I am moving to Colorado deep in the mountains and holing up in a cave with a shotgun and a pet grizzly bear, I just can't take this shit anymore.

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[–] Maeglor 1 points 1 points (+2|-1) ago 

Probably burns coal

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[–] DietCokehead1 [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

I doubt it gets laid at all.

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[–] HeavyBrain 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Well maybe they rebot eventually

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