Fuck. FUCK. FUCK.
It started with a simple request. "Can you assist with a clean?" - Me "Sure!"
I don't mind doing code browns. I accept it as part of the nursing code. People are too sick to get to a bed pan or commode. I get it. I understand that at your core you accept that as part of the gig if you want to be a good nurse.
So we had to gown up and put masks on because - I'm on a highly infectious ward. But I was not prepared.
She was 500 lbs+ and had curiously purple nail polish and little talons. Her "apron" covered most of her groin and I nearly strained my back pulling her on to her side and exposing warm fat flesh for the other nurse to wipe.
She had not bothered to use a bed pan or any sort of process. Just pooped in the bed.
I was curious, and to deal with this I simply accepted it as a large ill animal that needed cleaning. As soon as we started to move her she started to bitch and moan about the pair of us moving the bed. The more experienced nurse just snapped at her that we would move the bed in any manor to get the job done as she started to whine about the bed not being right. I applied warm towels, she fell asleep as I applied barrier cream and our she beast just decided to fall asleep as it was to much physical effort to roll on to her side. Her 02 stats bounced around a bit. I fucking can't even.
We cleaned up best we could and was faced with the fact that the barbaric air bed was in a crumpled heap at her feet. Whom ever turfed her to us... I get it. We would need about 4 more people to lift her on to that thing. We left it for the other shift. I was interestingly feeling the familiar endorphins kick in from exercise and almost isometric yoga, from the cleaning of the she beast. It is fucking weird. My lower back is a little sore but a good stretch session should fix it; hot shower too.
But the interesting heft and purchase - nah. Not there. I was having to prop the flesh on it's self to stop it from moving. But the majority of the nurses are in their 60s and approaching retirement. (Other nurse was a Philippina with a nose and stomach of iron 5 ft nothing.) I'm tall (5'8 in retard units) and have reach - but fuck me. FUCK ME. It was like looking after a fucking zoo animal.
Then the fucking kicker. My orderly wheeled in another death fat. If he lies down he will die as his lungs are deflating so he's attached to a stats monitor. We've tried to put him on a bipap shunt so he dosn't need to breathe; but some dim cognitive awareness is aware that his demise is probably not that far away if he does so. Also grumpy and non compliant. The orderly did catch me in an unguarded moment saying "How am I supposed to move that?" Fuck FUUUCK.
I can't stop laughing shaking my head and going FUCK. I need a refresher on slings.
I also discharged a 73 year old person to freedom. (Person - 60kgs wet.) I'd nursed her back to health and she was good to go. 2 more shifts this week.