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[–] Literallyretarded 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago  (edited ago)

"Dear tubblr

I am a semi-pro ice skating mermaid. The other day I went to the local rink with my friend. As I was gliding gracefully on the ice some shitlord approached. Of course she was obviously jealous of my beautiful cuuuurves, not to mention her friend couldn't keep his eyes off of me. She had the nerve to tell me that my skates needed to be switched. I rolled my eyes at this amateur. Obviously she didn't know anything about skating. I continued to do a routine worthy of Olympic gold while she slid and fell over and over again. Her date kept ogling me. She kept complaining about being cold. Of course. She was an underweight twig who could only dream of having a mermaid body such as mine. After my vigorous workout (that I do 6 days a week) I glided up to her like an angel and said "Looks like my skates are fine, shitlord". Everyone cheered and high fived me. Her date handed me his number and said he was ready to get with a real woman and we could go out that weekend, he was going to dump her ass at an ED clinic to address her anorexia. Another win for the fat girl! "

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[–] Mexican_jumping_bean 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

I always enjoy these satirical tubblr posts

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[–] iammeandyouareme [S] 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Me, too. This one probably nails it on the head, too.

To be fair, the rink was quite cold today. But I also have Raynaud's so my toes and hands get cold no matter how much I bundle up. But some rainy nights get the rink extra chilly in the morning.

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[–] Svoodie 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

You forgot the part where everyone started applauding.