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[–] Convair990 0 points 24 points (+24|-0) ago 

The fats will use this story as real news. "Shee! Shee! (Shoves handfuls of cheetos into its mouth) it isnt muh fault (chugs mtn dew) those doctors dont know anything (shovels in burgers) ah eet right and exursize (stuffs twinkies and moonpies) and dont lose any weight ( eyes the ice cream like a like a tiger eyes a steak)

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[–] neveragainfatty 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago  (edited ago)

moonpies

The first time I had ever heard of a moonpie was at Ft. Jackson South Carolina. It was a warm summer day and not a cloud in the sky. Just finished up lunch in the chow hall. Drill Sergeant marches us back to the barracks to get changed for the afternoon. We get half way through changing when Senior DS comes in and tells everyone to get into their PT uniforms. Fatty McFatfuck has decided to feast upon moonpies.

Now a DS can't tell someone not to eat something but they sure as fuck can PT the hell out of you and the entire platoon for doing so!

After an hour and a half of front-back-goes, side-straddle hop, mountain climbers, burpees, and every other sadistic exercise he could think of we finally are allowed to stop. We were told that every time he saw someone with a treat we would be preforming PT like that.

We made fatty go through dinner line first. We made sure fatty did not get a moonpie. The entire rest of the platoon got one. That was one of the most disgusting deserts I have ever eaten. I threw three-quarters of it away while giving fatty the deathglare. Most people did.

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[–] Fatkini 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

I love stories like this. Do you have any more? ☺

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[–] fabulousalpaca 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

That's.. That's beautiful.

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[–] Fuckno 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

What a perfect summary of HAES.

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[–] WhatTheFat 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

Man, you beat me to it! I recommend checking out the comments on the FB page, triggered fatties revealing themselves. Wah wahhh, the Onion is so mean!

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[–] hypercat 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Ooh, link or copy some of the reees! Please.

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[–] Magitek_X [S] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

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[–] Voatoxoverbotox 1 points 7 points (+8|-1) ago 

Ahahaa. The onion. I'd give more than an upvoat if I could.

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[–] hiddencounter 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

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[–] bieberhole_69 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

The Onion has tons of shitarticles, and for that I support them 100% and disable adblock for their website

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[–] ikransfly 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Someone needs to copy and paste this into Tumblr and purposely credit it incorrectly as like The Boston Herald so we can watch the fats reblog and repost it until a thin person steps in and tells them it's from The Onion.

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[–] ningyna 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

He forgot to change clothes in the before and after picture

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