Once upon a time (earlier this evening), in the land of the lards, (burger king), an evil Hog Goblin, whom I believe was the female of the species, tried to convince our hero that it and he were the same. (It decided to make small talk as we waited for our to-go orders.)
HG: Hey, we ordered the exact same thing. (Two sandwiches, large fries, large drink.) I tell my friends that I eat the same as skinny people. But my thin friends don't believe me.
Anoinc: No you don't. (Back to browsing on my phone.)
HG: But we ordered the same thing.
Anoinc: No we didn't.
HG: Yeah we did. I just heard your order.
Anoinc: Fine, I'll break it down. You added bacon and cheese to both of your sandwiches. That's easily an extra 500 calories. Also, I won't be drinking any of this sprite. My wife is under the weather and this is for her to drink on for the next few days to keep her stomach settled. So that 44 ounces of soda is an extra 600 calories. This is on top of a meal that's already 1200 calories. And here's the kicker. Half of the fries and the other sandwich are for my wife. And we won't even finish a lot of this meal. So no. You don't eat the same as a "skinny" person. Calorically, you'll be eating at least 4 times more than I will this evening, and slightly more than I will all day. There's a reason only your fat friends believe you.
Then our hero tried to go back to quietly mind his own business, like a decent person, as the evil hog goblin tried to stare a hole in the side of our hero's head. The merchant interrupted the silence by offering the hog goblin its meal. And upon realizing its defeat the hog goblin left our hero in peace but not before spouting.
HG: you didn't have to be an asshole about it.
Edit: Could someone spin this from fatty's perspective? Those interpretations always amuse me so.
Edit 2: Top of FPH and 2nd on my front page. Thank you, all you lovely people!
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[–] meunster 0 points 12 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago
Ham edition.
Just a friendly reminder to my fellow friends, fatshionistas, and tumblrites:
Fatshaming knows no bounds. Ignorance and hypocrisy can find you anywhere…even in a burger king (my personal safe space).
As many of you know, today I went to go get my blood work done to prove that you can definitely be healthy even if you’re 150lbs overweight (proof below!). The doctor told me not to eat before the test and I was running late, so I skipped lunch and just had two glasses of orange juice before squeezing out the door to make it in time.
By late afternoon I was obviously starving and udderly stressed from the doctor bringing up my weight, so I decided to stop at my favorite burger king. And let me tell you, this place is nice. I usually feel so calm in the yellow fluorescent glow…like I’m on the beach wearing my #fatkini, listening to the waves and the sound of a nearby ice cream cart. But today was different. Today there was a skinny person in My Burger King.
I tried to be nice and to give him a chance, I really did. Usually I think skinnies looked like poor, starved animals, but this one was starved in a way that almost made me forget his thin privilege and feel bad for someone other than myself. When I heard him order the same exact meal as me, I reached out. I was so excited that we could eat the same exact thing and look so different. Plus it was like…blood work proof and proof of my super slow metabolism, all in one day. Anyway, he bit the hand that was trying to feed him right off. The misogynistic, “fitness” obsessed twat told me that we couldn’t eat the same thing because I put cheese and bacon on my sandwiches!! I didn’t even bother trying to tell him about the orange juiced lunch, because he was busy SCREAMING that he wasn’t going to eat all this food by himself. At this point my blood sugar was so low that everything was buzzing around me. I’m pretty sure he said something about being sick and eating a lot and throwing it up. Tbh I can’t feel bad for him even if he does puke after eating because 1. thin privilege overshadows all and 2. wasting BK is just fucking unethical.
I couldn’t even enjoy every last bite of my sandwiches and fries and drink. Or the refill of my drink. The fries were extra salty though from my tears... so there’s the one single good thing a skinny person has done for me.
p.s. does anyone know how I can contact my local news about this??
[–] neveragainfatty 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
What a beautiful sentence. Orange juice: cause sugar water with vitamin C is healthy at that level... Straight up fucking up any blood glucose test done. The fiber in the fruit is SUPER important for controlling how quickly your body releases insulin.
Squeezing out the door :) It obviously meant it was squeezing the fresh oranges for juice while it was comfortably exiting out of the HAES approved doors it had to install on its butter golem cave.