Hello human-sized humans!
I posted here three days ago about my hambeast roommate who checked herself into a mental hospital when I asked her to clean up her mess. The full story is here:
For the past few days, I've lived a happy life, free from the raucous snores caused by obesity-inflicted sleep apnea, the smell of rotting flesh because it can't properly clean itself, and the worry of whether or not my food would still be waiting for me when I came home. I had my boyfriend over (he's going to on a study abroad tour in Eastern Europe soon, don't get me started on how jealous I am), I did homework in peace, and I generally didn't need to worry about TeeHee Tessie barging in at any moment, wailing about OPPRESHUN and stuffing its flabby, ugly face.
I heard stories from people who visited it. I offered to go (only to prove to my landlord how "concerned" I was) but it said it just couldn't handle me there. The friends who went said, "She's really pushing through!" like she's actually doing anything of value. The psychiatric emergency ward at our university is basically full of kids who spent 95% of the semester fucking around and realized they need a damn good excuse in that last 5% so their parents won't pull them out, so they fake some sort of breakdown. Whenever my friends said this, I jut nodded with a concerned grimace on my face, when I was actually just thinking about how fine things were.
Life was good, until today.
Anyways, it's OUT. I was happily walking to my apartment after a nice workout when I felt something change. It was this tremor, this rippling in the air. It was the EatBeast. Before I even opened my apartment's door, I just knew.
It looked THE SAME. You would think that a week of hospital meals on a strict schedule would help it lose a little bit of weight, but nope. Her sympathizer friends (who visited it everyday) probably brought it McDick's or something every time they came by. I locked eyes with it, but I wasn't prepared for what was to come.
It fucking SCREAMED. It wasn't a normal scream. This noise could only be described as primal, like thousands of years of human emotion and instinct were bottled in her vocal chords and suddenly released. There was no filtered human emotion in this scream. It didn't radiate with joy, fear, exuberance, or disgust. It was the most insane sound I've ever heard come out of a person. (Maybe it was hungry?) It was screaming at me, so I just sort of stood there, wondering if I should run in case it was hungry and wanted to eat me, but I realized its knees would probably implode so I didn't budge. From the bedroom came a mutual friend. He rushed towards it and grabbed its arm, leading it away. To me, he said, "It's really triggering for you to be here! Can you go somewhere else for a little while?"
Back to the gym I went.
After only leaving a note about beetus-crusted dinner plates, I successfully caused AT LEAST two panic attacks for the obeast's already-stressed heart. Where's my crown? Where's my prize? Where's my free banana split? (Oh, wait. That's right. I don't expect food as a reward because I don't have the mental capacity of a retarded fetus/a typical obeast.)
It's only a matter of time! I'll keep you guys posted!