[–] [deleted] 0 points 85 points (+85|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] tomjohn75 0 points 23 points (+23|-0) ago 

Why did i read this in Worf's voice?

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[–] badkimchi 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

fatties have no honor

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[–] Proppa 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Because the really fat kids get the bat'leth

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[–] speshul_snowflake 0 points 31 points (+31|-0) ago 

I give candy to fit kids and fruit to fat kids. No point in the fit kids missing out because of the fat bastards.

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[–] NoPenisForNeonHams 5 points 25 points (+30|-5) ago 

Fuck that. Just hand out the candy and let natural selection operate. Social engineering like that is for the fat fucking bodyposi hams who want to legislate swole sex slaves to fuck them by punishment of death. If a kid has a peanut allergy, that's his fucking problem. Food allergies are rare.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago  (edited ago)

[Deleted]

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[–] legendaryshitlord 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

My time is maximized by grabbing a bear and not giving a shit. Little beggars can go else where. *starts crying, "but mommy it's halloweeeeen."

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[–] Swole_is_life 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago 

Fat kids are the only people who get a pass here, since it's not their fault. Usually a fat kid is the result of some hamplanet parent insisting they eat waaaay more than they should.

Even if the kids are doing it to themselves, they're kids, they do dumb shit. It's your responsibility as a parent to keep your kids from doing dumb shit that will hurt them. So either way, it's the parent's fault.

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[–] 39bears 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I'm with you - burn it down man. More and more, I kind of hope I live to witness a catastrophic societal collapse. The more dependent all these hippos become, the more curious I get to see how long I'd last against the rest of the population. I wonder if you threw a little war/famine/economic collapse at them if the tumblrinas would pull some survival skills out of their ass, or just give up and die...

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[–] blackie 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Exactly. Responsibility for the child's health should fall on the parent, not strangers giving out candy. Allowing your child to accept anyone's candy when they have an life threatening allergy is just stupidity.

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[–] Blacklightning 0 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago 

Eh, fuck it. I hate kids. They're all getting candy corn regardless of what they look like.

[–] [deleted] 1 points 8 points (+9|-1) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] RunningShark 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

you're a horrible person

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[–] 2986800? 1 points 3 points (+4|-1) ago 

The worst candy...along with Twizzlers.

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[–] crashtestgenius 1 points 9 points (+10|-1) ago 

I like twizzlers...

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[–] Skinnyphat_sleestak 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

Please. Necco wafers are the worst. You might as well give out used cigarette butts smoked by someone with oral herpes.

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[–] FruityRumpusAsshole 1 points 0 points (+1|-1) ago 

You did not just shit on twizzlers you fucking fuck!

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[–] RedditDead2005-2015 3 points 11 points (+14|-3) ago 

Don't be the guy who hands out carrots. ;) Let the kids enjoy Halloween for one day out of the year.

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[–] DelusionalHominids 0 points 19 points (+19|-0) ago 

fuck you

i love carrots

:p

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[–] RedditDead2005-2015 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

Tell that to the 8-year old kids that are going to litter your yard with the carrot sticks that you gave them. ;)

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[–] ZappyKins 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Pumpkin Fingers!

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[–] Insanehousewife 1 points 1 points (+2|-1) ago 

I like carrots, but they make me hungrier than when I started eating the carrot, so they are really counterproductive

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[–] lefthandpath 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Carrots +1

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[–] FruityRumpusAsshole 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

I agree. That and, if they are already fat little rollie pollies, is your ONE apple/no candy going to change that? probably not.

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[–] Laserchalk 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

Shitlording isn't about changing them, it's about making them feel bad.

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[–] NewWorld 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

A neighbor tried something like this and it blew up in his face. When I was a kid, one of the neighbor's jokingly told me he was out of candy but had some miscellaneous fruits and vegetables including celery. I immediately agreed to his offer and insisted he give me two celery sticks - one with peanut butter and one with cream cheese. The look on my mom's face was priceless. She tried to explain but I wouldn't have it. He tried offering the candy but it was too late. I stood my ground until my neighbor coughed up the celery sticks. He also ended up giving my siblings and friends 2 apples, a banana, 3 additional celery sticks, and a single carrot. So, just saying, some kid freaking love veggies/fruit.

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[–] RedditDead2005-2015 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

What kind of a weirdo asks for celery sticks instead of candy? ;) Did you live in California?

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[–] tableflipper 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Wait but I love carrots. I've never been able to eat a lot of candy in one sitting.

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[–] RedditDead2005-2015 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Halloween isn't for you; it's for the little annoying SOBs. ;) Do you know any kid who would prefer carrots to candy? An apple to ice cream?

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[–] Harry_Areola 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

I just leave the light off. Too many fat little bastards that I'd have to feign niceness towards.

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[–] miss_ann_thrope 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Me too. Plus only 3 or 4 usually show up, chauffeured by the parents of course, then I'm stuck with bags of leftover candy. I don't eat that crap. So this year it's lights out for me.

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[–] RectalLeakage 1 points 6 points (+7|-1) ago 

Buy yourself a 12 pack of slimfast, you're being too subtle.

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[–] Grave_Mercy [S] 1 points 0 points (+1|-1) ago 

The childrens hospital in the next town over sells cases of apples for charity, I seriously considered it, but that's how you get your house egged bruh!

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[–] Angxrs 1 points 6 points (+7|-1) ago  (edited ago)

I just barricade the door and turn all the lights off and watch horror movies on my laptop upstairs. I hate kids, go bother the neighbours.

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[–] draaaak 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I'm right there with you. I don't hate the kids so much, it's the parents. I fucking hate the parents in my area.

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[–] Angxrs 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Fair enough, no doubt it is shitty parenting that produces badly behaved, rude little shits er children being the reasoning behind my utter dislike for children.

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