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[–] fupatronic 0 points 65 points (+65|-0) ago 

I love your stories about hammate.

Have you considered getting a nanny cam? Catch that piggy feeding and post it to YouTube for the RA and the rest of the world to see.

Also, does she even go to class anymore? When I was in college there seemed to be a few hams who just fell apart dealing with the responsibility of not living with mom and dad and having to go to school. I can only hope she'll fail out soon.

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[–] NoPenisForNeonHams 0 points 43 points (+43|-0) ago  (edited ago)

That'd be a hammy cam in this case. Or ham cam.

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[–] the_devils_lettuce 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Ham cam! Beautiful!

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[–] Syphrosyne [S] 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago 

About the nanny cam, that'll get me kicked out if she discovers it, it's against the contract here. I'm guessing they had some creepers in the co-ed dorms and decided to make every follow the rule of no cams without consent.

As for her going to class, I don't think she goes regularly. It seems like the only time she's out is at night usually with her "friends". That's what she tells everyone at least. I'm guessing she's actually frequenting the campus McDonald's, Chick-fil-a, and Whataburger all in the same night.

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[–] LoveThighGap 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

What about your own room?

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[–] 32DDbitches 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Well, shit. Since she's obviously not the one stealing food, she should be down with the ham cam, right? (Insert eye roll here)

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[–] Kronicals 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Well, if it's your room you can just put a smile you are on camera sign up. If they don't want to be filmed they can withdraw consent by leaving. Also, nanny cam may be pricey for a college student. I dealt with very similar shit of thieving roommates. I would suggest an app for your laptop which will record on motion sensor. I used iSpy. Caught the fuck and got his ass thrown out.

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[–] redditHasCooties 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

This was mentioned before, she said that apparently any kind of recording device is against school/dorm policy. :(

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[–] fupatronic 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

I could see that in the common spaces but her bedroom should be whatever the hell she wants. That sucks. Can't catch a thief because feelz > realz.

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[–] Admiral_Ackbar 0 points 42 points (+42|-0) ago 

I'm sure you have a fantastic ass... Her idea of 'ass' is probably similar to a nylon bag filled with cottage cheese...

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[–] Speshul_Sn0wflake 0 points 42 points (+42|-0) ago 

For some odd reason, fatties think they have nice asses. I have seen fats that are literally 400lbs, with the flattest most widest saggy ass one has ever layed eyes on, bragging about how nice it is. No stupid, its not nice. Just like your tits udders are fucking disgusting, so is your ass.

Also, when your gut extends out farther than your tits, you have failed as a human being and should be forced to walk around on all fours, like the fucking farm animal you are.

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[–] FeeFeeFiFoFum 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

It's because of the hip hop culture that talks about "big butts" and "phat ass". They don't understand they mean big as in shaped and no not the shape of a rotten sack of potatoes.

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[–] leaffur 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

My idea of a good ass is tight, sounds like OP has a damn fine ass from her workout schedule

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[–] Kenyan_Fried_Bats 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Thank god. I am another one of those sick freaks who appreciates shape, not size.

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[–] Hamderella 0 points 25 points (+25|-0) ago 

New plan. Make a few dozen "Simple Sara" recipes and invite the pig to eat them. Keep making them over and over and make her fatter and fatter - until she dies. Legal murder!

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[–] NoPenisForNeonHams 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

Good idea, but then you're stuck living with her even fatter ass and all the bullshit that increases with increased size.

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[–] PeaceLoveAndRamen 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

It won't be long.

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[–] Ser_Alliser_Thorne 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

It's too slow a death if they're only in college. The results won't pay off considering those "Simple Sara" desserts and such can't be that cheap to make. Throwing away money, imo. The aforementioned ghost pepper cupcakes would be wonderful. Add a "do not eat" sign and the ham cam (again mentioned above) for max effect.

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[–] redditHasCooties 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Oh god that woman.... "And now we add the gasp sugar and the gasp eggs and we gasp stir"

She's undeniable evidence that heart attacks and strokes have to be urban legends, cause how is she alive otherwise?

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[–] 32DDbitches 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

It's the urban part that's throwing things off here. This creature lives in the sticks, in a shitty trailer. I'd be shocked otherwise. Does she sound "citified" to you?

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[–] Nofatpeople 0 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago 

You should make ghost chili chocolate cupcakes. It will never touch your food again.

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[–] Harry_Areola 0 points 18 points (+18|-0) ago 

There are chocolate flavored laxatives.

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[–] XenonHippogriff 0 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago 

That's considered food alteration or some shit, tl;dr poisoning. If you put in spicy chili you can say it's a normal ingredient and you wanted it Mayan style.

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[–] Nofatpeople 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

The hammate has already blamed OP for food poisoning. Intentionally giving the fatty laxatives could cause too much trouble.

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[–] SkekUng 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Not a good idea for a dormitory, since OP and "Norma" and "Slenderella" are probably sharing a bathroom with that fat bag of shit. I mean, this is a ham we're talking about; if she has a laxative-related "accident" I hardly think she'd be considerate enough to clean it.

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[–] SirBertyBeetus 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Why not make a chili laxative choco cupcake. Double the trouble!

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[–] 2900862? 0 points 13 points (+13|-0) ago 

The Ring of Fire. The Ring of Fire.

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[–] PM_nudes_pls 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

as someone who eats those regularly, that is a great idea. I still have to dilute them in my food by a lot. putting just one in a small cupcake mix would decimate someone who's not used to a lot of spice.

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[–] prisonersandpriests 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

You can get Carolina Reapers dried on Amazon for about $5, and they're twice as hot as Ghost Peppers. Add powdered peppers to both the chocolate cupcake mix and the icing for best effect. Something like a Ninja blender or a good small food processor will powder those suckers well enough to be undetectable.

Not that I've ever done it....

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[–] shortestguyuknow 0 points 19 points (+19|-0) ago 

Hammy going into your room is serious. It's not just about her taking things, you need to make sure she's not planting shit (drugs, booze etc.). Someone else here recommended a nanny cam, and that'd probably be a good idea so that you have evidence you can use if she tries to pull anything.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago  (edited ago)

[Deleted]

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[–] leaffur 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I love that gif.

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[–] journalistsarelazy 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago  (edited ago)

This is what I would do.

Buy a bulk order of those sugar free haribo gummy bears.

Buy a Nanny Hammy cam. Edit, just seen this is a no go.

Hide sweets in your room.

Now these sweets have a warning label but I doubt it would be read.

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[–] 32DDbitches 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Workaround: put them in a plain zip style storage baggie.

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[–] click_norris 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

I have heard of what happens to people that eat these but had no idea that they came with a warning label.

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[–] inablackbox 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

Told my boyfriend that he should “keep an eye on me since I’m so skinny and get sicker easier”.

This is something that stands out as particularly pathetic to me. Fucking hams are so insecure about their weight, they have to find a way to bring it into every conversation, no matter how unrelated the topic.

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