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[–] theepilepticferret 1 points 61 points (+62|-1) ago 

Ever picked up a garbage back just to have trash spill out the bottom? She looks like a sculpture of that carved out of Crisco.

You sir, are a poet.

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[–] wmeth 0 points 37 points (+37|-0) ago 

Let's call this one "Hamlette"

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[–] pegassist 0 points 33 points (+33|-0) ago 

Or "Shakesphere."

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[–] Swoledamort 0 points 24 points (+24|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Big-Macbeth

Edit: Im not done!!

  • A Midsummer's Night Ice Cream
  • Taming of the Mountain Dew
  • The Hamplanet of Venice
  • Twelfth Night Snack

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[–] serp0unce 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

Finishing up my last year in college and my last fiction writer's workshop. This surpasses anything i've read all semester hahahahaha.

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[–] theepilepticferret 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

The truth is often stranger than fiction

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[–] inablackbox 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

He is great at writing these. In fact, I've noticed that a lot of shitlords who share their tales are. I would say this is one of the most consistently clever and well-spoken communities I've ever seen on the internet.

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[–] LordLord_IAmShitLord 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Seriously, this guy needs some custom flair for that alone.

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[–] ShitArchon 0 points 30 points (+30|-0) ago  (edited ago)

She refuses to even think about attending another party

VICTORY!

If only this happened to more BDSM and swinger groups...

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[–] imvii 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

My girlfriend and I used to attend a local fetish night. At first it was attractive people dressed in very little, dancing, grinding, and just being generally sexy. Then the blubbers started to attend and ruined the whole thing for me.

Last time I went it was probably 30% fattie. That number is tolerable at the library if they are fully clothed. But at fetish night wearing next to nothing, fucking forget it. We don't go any more.

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[–] ShitArchon 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Frankly, 70% non-fattie sounds like a very good ratio for a BDSM group. But that's only because it used to be 100%

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[–] Phillyshitlord 0 points 24 points (+24|-0) ago 

Dude, your stories give me and my shitlady fucking PTSD. Nothing worse than swinghams ruinning an otherwise great scene.

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[–] Nepotist 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

What I don't get is why not build up a roster of reliable people that add value to a swinger party, and eventually just start running events and only invite those people. Maybe share the list between active hosts or something.

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[–] Fireark 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

Because in any social situation you need new blood. If the group is too tight-knit, and no new blood comes in, then eventually the group will break up. Doesn't matter what the scene is, honestly. Unfortunately, fat fucks ruin everything they get into, be it MTG, swingers parties, super bowl parties, whatever. They will come in with their entitlement and lack of hygiene and drive humans away.

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[–] WittyBlurbSlashWitty 0 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago 

If the host is experienced as it appears, why did he even let the buttergolem in? He knew that she'd be the "one" that no one wanted to dance with, make out with, hook up with, but would've been all over everyone, ruining the scene for all. If you've ever been to at a few of these parties you've seen it happen. If someone was a pigfucker they'd be at a "BBM" event, so letting her in 'cause somebody might be into that is false.

The host should've said, "I'm sorry not tonight, hungry." The worst thing at a privates party is desperation. And the outfit reeked of desperation. So combined with its cottage cheese nature it should've never been let in the door. As a host I would've been pissed at the couple for trying to dump their trash on the scene and my house. Because you know that sloppy pile of adipose is gonna be what you step in as you stumble around some dark, sweaty corner come 5am trying to head to bed, "am I the last one, teehee, are you gonna make me breakfast? snort."

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[–] Sandow [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

"am I the last one, teehee, are you gonna make me breakfast? snort."

And that was the last thing he ever herd. Ever! (cue spooky music)

As much as I hate to admit it, there are some people who prefer plowing a trench to having a real women. I don't understand it and my brain refuses to try to figure it out. If a woman is a insecure about sharing her guy with another woman, she can set up a threesome on her terms. So having the guy pork a pig is an easy way to ensure that the guy isn't going to develop an emotional or sexual attachment to the other 'woman.' Personally, I'd have a problem respecting my partner if I saw them tumbling with a Tumblrfat. That alone might be an excuse to call things off permanently.

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[–] fatfreelife 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago 

If Vanessa had tits then wouldn't she be transgendered and not a transvestite? I thought transvestite meant men who wear ladies clothes. I'm confused.

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[–] FPSFairy 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

A transvestite is a man who occasionally dresses as a woman for whatever reason (fetish, drag queen, etc.) but has no intention of actually getting hormone replacement therapy or gender reassignment surgery.

As for the boobs, though, I've seen some drag queens with very convincing boobs. At the very least, I'm sure they looked better than Miss Piggy's.

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[–] Dark_Shroud 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Between push up tops and inserts you can get very convincing looking breasts without surgery.

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[–] DessertFox 1 points 11 points (+12|-1) ago 

You do know that 'Vanessa' is a guy, right? He's a transvestite

You're a good bro, bro. Opinions differ, but I believe people are entitled to know that information before getting their freak on.

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[–] Sandow [S] 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Thank you. I agree as well. No one wants to be caught by surprise that way. Situations like that can end very badly.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago  (edited ago)

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[–] [deleted] 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

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[–] [deleted] 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] DessertFox 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

You'd need to predict the turnout first, which is hard. And, people won't come if they don't know the price.

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[–] wmeth 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

I love kink, so much. But what I love even more is seeing some poser or fatty try to jump in and be a disrespectful cunt and get their cheerios pissed in... Sweet justice.

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[–] Emperor_Palpalean 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Ahahaha I have never heard that and I can't wait to use it

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