I promised a story, and OP is going to deliver.
I took my shitlady to a swingers party at a very nice house we knew about. The place has it all; lots of comfy rooms, a dance floor, open bar and pool. High fences to keep out nosy neighbors and plenty of secluded play rooms. Everything needed to have a blast on a weekend.
My wife is fit and decked out in a super slutty red getup that doesn't cover much, topped off with stiletto heels that would be confiscated in two seconds by the TSA as lethal weapons. A bit about her. She's leggy, petite and has a great rack. She also is a shitlady. When she dresses for these events she wears pink or red catsuits because she knows that fatties always go for the black leather corset look. So the fatties stand around looking like bloated Elviras while she shimmies and flirts outrageously. It's a great strategy and always works.
Because hams tend to ruin parties, including adult only parties, it's not uncommon for us to come up empty when looking for a woman or couple to play with. Ah well. We're fit and energetic, so we just go to town on each other and have a good time. For anyone who doesn't know, fatties don't really DO anything at orgys. At regular parties they just shuffle around the food table looking awkward and making uncomfortable conversation that centers around their various medical condushions. At swinger parties they do the exact same thing, only with less clothes. They don't tell jokes, play party games, dance or make fascinating conversation. The best you can hope for is that they don't eat off your plate.
At this party it looked like the hams were winning out, so we moved out by the pool. My babe strips to the buff and starts splashing around with a few non-fat guys while I lounge around looking for any woman who weighs less than I do. No luck. After a bit, now that she's worked up, she gets out of the pool and pulls me into the cabana next to the pool.
THIS is where the shameful story starts. The cabana is a one room structure by the pool. It's open at one end facing the pool, and the three walls are lined with overstuffed sofas. The whole place is lit by candlelight and music is playing through the sound system. In other words, a great little oasis for some fun. My shitlady backs me up to a sofa and pushes me backward so I sprawl on the cushions. She quickly yanks off my trunks (swim trunks. All I was wearing at this point) and then steps between my legs forcing them apart. I see where this is going and grin from ear to ear. She gives me a hot, wet kiss and then slides to her knees. I lean back my head and thank the Almighty for whatever good thing I did in a past life that is rewarding me so well in this one.
Then I feel something on my neck. Something that shouldn't be there. My babe is going to town on me and 99% of my attention is on her, but the 1% is telling me that something is wrong. Someone is kissing and sucking on my neck! I turn and to my horror realize that what I thought was an empty sofa piled with plump pillows was actually a sofa containing a huge woman wearing a mumu. When my wife pushed me backward, she accidentally plopped me up against this mountain of lard that had been hiding in the candlelight like a lonely trapdoor spider.
Shitlady immediately senses something is wrong. Either because I'd stopped breathing or because my manhood tried crawling into my abdomen. She looks up, sees what is going on and is torn between fright and laughter. Grabbing her hand I got out of there faster than a refugee fleeing Syria. The only action I saw that night was with a bottle as I tried to erase the memory of those slimy lips gnawing my flesh. Ghaaa!
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[–] [deleted] 0 points 82 points 82 points (+82|-0) ago (edited ago)
[–] fatfreelife 0 points 18 points 18 points (+18|-0) ago
I got to this part and died, picturing some massive podgy spider with lard lips.
[–] eapoe 0 points 9 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago
Sheblob.
[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 69 points 69 points (+69|-0) ago
Thin privilege is not being mistaken for a sofa.
[–] prisonersandpriests 0 points 19 points 19 points (+19|-0) ago
But muh cundishuns fused me to the sofa!
[–] jigaboojivetribe 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Condition cushions.
[–] jigaboojivetribe ago
Condition cushions.
[–] turnonce 0 points 38 points 38 points (+38|-0) ago
I don't know anything about swinging etiquette, but shouldn't they like... ask before molesting someone ?
[–] Lilina 0 points 22 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago
Fatties have no etiquette or impulse control for that matter.
[–] Elcycs 0 points 18 points 18 points (+18|-0) ago
Me either, but I'm guessing if a couple people start screwing on top of you it could be interpreted as an invitation...
[–] prisonersandpriests 0 points 16 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago
If a couple of people started screwing on top of me, I'd have bigger problems than wondering whether to join in. Things like "How did these people get in my house?" or "Yeah, she's hot, but I don't know these motherfuckers!"
[–] Sandow [S] 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
Absolutely. But as /u/Lilina says, they have no impulse control. All parties and clubs I've gone to make it very clear that you have to verbally ask permission before touching another person, and that person has to give clear verbal consent. This means that my shitlady gets plenty of opportunities to say "I don't want you touching me" to fatties. Because they get shot down so often, hams try to avoid asking permission because they're being "tee-hee! Naughty" or "M'lady, made me forget my manners.."
[–] Moonshine_Sonata 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
No! They've already stolen curvy, they'll have to pry naughty out of my cold dead hands. Which they'll probably eat.
[–] turnonce 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Imagining hams saying that was nauseating. But anyway, if people are verbally shooting them down, why would jumping in uninvited be a good idea? Does that actually work for them? Do people seriously let them in just because they go for it while other activity started?
[–] ClairityDX 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
So let me get this straight. Since they repulse everyone they meet, instead of improving themselves, they decide it's easier to molest everyone they find attractive?
[–] FruityRumpusAsshole 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
My thoughts exactly. I'm afraid I would have beaten the shit out of the oreogre. I actually feel very grossed out after reading this.
[–] turnonce ago
Oreogre! hahaha that's glorious!
[–] Leelem0n 0 points 20 points 20 points (+20|-0) ago
Whyyyy did it think that was okay to do?
[–] [deleted] 0 points 23 points 23 points (+23|-0) ago
[–] Sandow [S] 0 points 13 points 13 points (+13|-0) ago
This. It's a cancerous byproduct of telling ugly hams they're beautiful. It doesn't matter if no one believes it. They start to believe it themselves.
[–] pao_is_a_tranny 0 points 14 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago
That's a good question. I was under the impression that proper etiquette in these places was to at least introduce yourself, and discuss what are the limits. Not jumping on people.
[–] pwn 0 points 24 points 24 points (+24|-0) ago
Sorry, but when was the last time a ham showed etiquette in any context?
[–] blue5car 0 points 12 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago
Who invites hams to these things anyway? If I'm going to be surrounded by naked people, it better hell as be fit naked people.
[–] Mr_Wolf 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
Events range from only have to pay an admission fee and others can get more strict. Like having to submit recent std test results and or body verification.
[–] ShitlordedByFacts 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Starting a business that excludes 60% of the population from the get-go is a bad time. Add to it that (sorry OP, but I feel like you're an outlier, it's generally true) people into BDSM/swinging in my experience tend to be the vilest, most putrid fatties ever, and poof, you've got no customer base.
[–] MrSaxoBeetus 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I think it happened in a swing house, it's a business, so it lets any paying customers in.
[–] blue5car 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Then the last thing they would want would be to get a reputation for ham-rape.
[–] ShitArchon ago
That explains why they take in hams. They'd be bad otherwise because they drive away the attractive people.
[–] tiradia 0 points 12 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago
Holllllly shit. My balls would have noped the fuck up inside of me. Now... I'm sorry fellow shitlord. :( we must put you out to pasture! Once an oreogre tastes swole/fit flesh, it hungers for more!
[–] tdee3000 0 points 11 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago
By not reciprocating, you literally raped the fatty on both physical and emotional levels.
[–] Jessee 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
Bahaha, sorry for your misfortune OP, bad things can happen to us sometimes