Hammate tried to convince me to buy her more vodka. When I asked why she told me she had a party coming up and didn’t want to come empty-handed. I asked her to give me some cash and I’d pick it up later that day. She tried to con me into buying her vodka because she was “low on cash” and would “pay me back later”. I countered with my own bullshit story about forgetting I had a yoga class at the gym that night and wouldn’t be able to go to the store anyway. I was pretty transparent about my lie since I wanted her to know that if she was going to bullshit me, I was going to bullshit her. She didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day (thank god).
I made 32 kolaches in total, giving 16 to my BF’s family and 16 to my roomates. I left them out for everyone to enjoy, against my better judgement. The morning afterwards they were all gone (at 200 calories each per kolache, the batch of 16 was 3,200 calories in total). I asked Norma and Slenderella if they had gotten to eat any and they said they weren’t even aware they existed. Apparently Hammate had seen them and taken all of them in her room to eat in secret in a single night.
This morning she woke up sick (the kolaches had cheese and she’s allergic to dairy) and blamed me for her getting sick. She was on the phone with her mother and I overheard her say the words “my roommate gave me food poisoning”.
Asked Hammate about the party she was planning. She avoided me so I’m guessing that the party happened but she didn’t want me to come. Just as well, I have better things to do with my time then spend a night with a drunk ham and her “friends” (A.K.A. random guys she met on YikYak and catfished to come to our dorm).
Brought some muffins and got a passive-aggressive comment about needing to “bring more next time” (I only brought 6 since I was pissed at her for accusing me of food-poisoning her). Later that night some poor guy off of YikYak came to our dorm. It was obvious he was uncomfortable (no doubt Hammate hadn’t been honest about her weight when they were chatting) and Hammate was desperately trying to get him into her room. I told Hammate I needed to wake up extra early the next morning so I needed him to leave so I could get some quiet. She threw a hissy fit but he took the opportunity and was out of there in a matter of seconds. I could see how grateful he was.
Came back from the gym this morning to find Hammate cooking bacon, eggs, and pancakes for her massive first breakfast. I made myself some tea before heading into my room to shower and change and got the ugliest stare ever from her. I could tell she was pissed that I was going to the gym and thought it was a personal attack on her. I go to the gym for me though, pissing her off is just an additional benefit.
Hammate decided to get up early and go to the gym this morning. I guess seeing me the day before “inspired” her. She did her usual fry-up minus the pancakes and finished breakfast. Slenderella and I were in the front room watching the news before heading to class. Hammate was doing dishes when she saw two Krispy Kreme donuts left on the counter from the night before. Slenderella tried to convince her not to eat them and to “make this a good day”. She assured Slenderella that because she was going to the gym it didn’t matter if she ate them. She gobbled down both and “went to the gym”. She was back 30 minutes later and didn’t look like she had broken a sweat. Later that day I saw her eat an entire bag of Tyson fried chicken fingers and an enormous Freebirds steak burrito. I calculated her intake (that I saw) to be 4,527 kcals. She also promised Slenderella they’d study together that night (they’re both med students) but she ditched her to smoke weed and drink with her new “friends”. I ended up helping Slenderella study and we shit-talked Hammate the entire time. I officially have a new shitlady friend <3
Once again tried to get me to buy her more vodka. This time she had money and wasn’t going to make me pay. I agreed to try and get her off of my back and make her stop begging like a 2-year-old wanting some candy. On our drive to the store she complained about how she’s getting Ds and Cs on her tests while Slenderella is getting all As. She said she “didn’t understand” why that was. I explained to her that Slenderella was studying last night and that might have helped her ace her test. Hammate tried to make excuses about how she’s “just a bad test-taker” and it’s not fair because “Slenderella is so pretty, of course the professor will give her As.” It took all of my willpower not to blow up at her for being so stupid and jealous.
Another morning at the gym and another glare from Hammate as I got back. She hasn’t been back to the gym since she “went” (doubtful) last week. I got a snapshot of her breakfast (link here) before she ate it all and posted it on FPH.
Slenderella had put almost an entire large pizza in the fridge the night before (leftovers from a club meeting she went to) and wrote her name on it, intending to ration it out over the next few days. It mysteriously disappeared and we both confronted Hammate about it. Hammate tried to tell us she had no idea it was even in the fridge. Slenderella and I knew she was lying through her teeth but dropped it, not wanting to get trampled by a stampeding, fat cow.
Hammate made AN ENTIRE POUND of maple bacon this morning. She had bought a “microwaveable bacon rack” and used her stupid purchase as an excuse to buy and consume an entire pound of bacon.
Met some shitlords at the gym this morning and we all decided to hang out later that day. Everything was fine and we were planning to head over to one of their apartments to spend the night smoking. Hammate was coming in the door just as we were leaving and asked where we were going. One of the shitlords made the mistake of telling her the truth and she insisted that she had to go to to “keep me safe”. Once we got to one of the dudes’ apartments and started smoking she kept hogging the pipe and saying that “the cops are right outside” and “we’re going to get caught”. In between trips to the front windows to check outside every 5 minutes, she complaining about how hungry she was because she “hadn’t eaten all day” (yeah, right). She found a package of frozen biscuits in the shitlord’s freezer and demanded that I bake them for her because I “love to bake”. I wasn’t stoned enough not to work an oven, but I told her that I was so she’d leave me alone. After she left early telling us to “not get arrested”, the two Shitlords and I talked about how annoying she is and compared fatty roommate stories. Apparently they have a hammate too who was out at a girlfriend’s house that night.