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[–] l23r [S] 0 points 109 points (+109|-0) ago 

I was so brave and courageous

his strong, powerful hands and forearm

I lost it XD

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[–] Daimao 0 points 34 points (+34|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Harry Potter fanfiction at its finest. The waiter is Harry, the doctor was professor McGonagall, the fatass is an OC, and the fat friends were all slytherin babes that guys were too "intimidated" by. Also this happened really..........

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[–] Ser_Alliser_Thorne 1 points 8 points (+9|-1) ago 

Boo.. Let's do this from a Game of Thrones angle. The fat fuck is Sam Tarly. The doctor is clearly me, Ser Alliser Thorne. I put that fat fuck in her place. Of course...the bastard, Jon Snow, shows up to save the crying fattie at the end of the story.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] Elephino 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

"I am a very rich Saudi royal," he said seductively, "who abandoned my country because of its shameful treatment of women." As he spoke, he ran a strong hand along the curves of her Scooty Puff.

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[–] scrimmmy 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

If not, we should collaborate and write some, wring some money outa these beasties. We could make millions.

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[–] badkimchi 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

I liked how she got even more (realistically) aroused with the surprise "extra chocolate sauce", moreso than with the supposed hunky waiter. Nice touch.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 46 points (+46|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

[–] [deleted] 0 points 21 points (+21|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] Brightness 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago 

When she finished the cheesecake, what did she poop out? $100.00.

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[–] NikoMyshkin 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

sad thing is that it's entirely plausible that this is real

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[–] fahque 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

I guess you didn't read the end.

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[–] QueefyHippo 0 points 39 points (+39|-0) ago  (edited ago)

i fucking hate when the fucking turdbuckets say 'practice haes'. you dont practice anything you fucking lard bucket piece of shit pork orc. trying to make stuffing their gullets sound like its something other than a total lack of self control. ITS NOT A THING.

oh, also, that totally happened.

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[–] llamayan 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

"I practice HAES" = "I'll ignore everything else and eat everything I want like a limitless black hole"

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[–] llamayan 1 points 5 points (+6|-1) ago 

"I practice HAES" = "Ignore health and body signals, eat everything"

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[–] baphometsrage 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

"I practice destroying my knees by playing with my nephew"

She was probably trying to chase him as he escaped her orbit.

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[–] BigBadWolf 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Please nobody tell them about IIFYM. I can just imagine fatties who aren't quite at the "I practice HAES" level claiming "I eat 12 cheesecakes but I'm on IIFYM. Why can't I lose weight?!"

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[–] klshnkv 0 points 33 points (+33|-0) ago 

Oh my god, anyone with a friend running out crying from a restaurant would run after them. But not the fat ones, oh no, because fuck running, fuck other people, there was cheesecake

(and it's actually funnier if it didn't happen because even in an hypothetical situation this buttermuncher couldn't think up the possibility of its friends caring about anything else than food)

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[–] LordLord_IAmShitLord 0 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago 

Yea, I'm calling bullshit.

Fatties don't run. Much less out of a cheesecake factory.

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[–] llamayan 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Seriously...

Plus, let's see. 4 apps, an entree each, then dessert... Sounds definitely like over 2000 calories in one sitting, ugh

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[–] ForgotMyName 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

You can get one entree there and be over 2000. Their portions are massive.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 13 points (+13|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] Classified 0 points 23 points (+23|-0) ago 

Eat this cheesecake, for it is my blubber. Drink this cola, for it is muh beetus. ramen.

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[–] DelusionalHominids 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

It kinda is a religion. They cling to it with devotion and faith in spite of any and all evidence to the contrary.

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[–] cid99 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

It is kind of a religious thing. No hard evidence. Groups of devout followers who adhere to ridiculous dogma. Said adherents react violently to any challenge of their belief system. They look down on those who don't share their beliefs......So yeah.

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[–] SilentMaster 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

And then wings burst from my back and I flew straight to the moon where I lived happily ever after.

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[–] General_Paos_Chicken 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

She already has bingo wings

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[–] pegassist 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I was waiting for the hot waiter's phone number to be written in hot fudge on the cheesecake. And a $100 bill stuffed under the crust.

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[–] Xystus 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

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[–] theepilepticferret 0 points 28 points (+28|-0) ago 

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[–] NotAnOctopus 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

An upvoat for you this morning.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] Ser_Alliser_Thorne 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Nah... This isn't satire. It's 100% butter-bullshit.

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