A little background: My best friend is a nurse, and this experience turned her into a shitlord. She used to be a sympathizer, but after this experience she saw the light.
So a hugeee lady comes in the hospital complaining of inflammation of her nether regions, and how she's having problems peeing. The gyno is called in for her expertise because the ham seems to be in a ton of pain. The beast had to be at least 400lb and about 5'5" and her husband was about half her weight and only an inch taller. As the doctor is asking questions, it's revealed that this lady has been trying to conceive a child for quite some time (they're both about mid twenties). So this lady has a huge fupa and the gyno couldn't lift it up without some help, so my best friend lifts up this huge amount of fat just so the gyno can look at this ham's vag. When the nurse lifts the flab, there's a huge blue-green flaky line horizontally across her body underneath her fupa.
The gyno is freaking out, she's never seen this type of mold on a human before and she's worried that it's causing the hambeast's pain. She's inspecting it and finds that it flakes right off the skin. She asks the ham about it and the ham explains it's from the broom. Wait...what? The ham explains that her husband can't reach her vagina to conceive a child, so the husband's mother takes a broom, shoves it under the ham's fupa and lifts it up so the husband can penetrate her. So the husband's mother has been doing this so often with the blue green broom, that the paint has started to chip away and stick to the ham's skin.
Can we let that sink in for a moment? This woman is so fat, her husband's mother has to help them have sex...with a broom!!!!
Needless to say, after that my friend lost all respect for humongous people.
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[–] DietCokehead1 1 points 207 points 208 points (+208|-1) ago
Congratulations, OP. I can already tell that this post will be one of those "Classic" FPH posts that Shitlords and Shitladies will be referring to months and years from now.
[–] Thinspiration 0 points 168 points 168 points (+168|-0) ago
Get mamma's fuckin stick.
[–] farking_bastage 0 points 34 points 34 points (+34|-0) ago
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
[–] RabbiShekelstein 0 points 13 points 13 points (+13|-0) ago
Now in addition to "I wash myself with a rag on a stick" we have "I fuck my wife as my mom holds her fupa back with a stick".
It occurs to me it's weird that they hate "anorexic sticks" so much, sticks seem to be the only reason they accomplish anything.
[–] prisonersandpriests 0 points 12 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago
You know, when I pictured a woman saying that phrase I didn't think she was talking about a broom.
[–] Jessee 0 points 32 points 32 points (+32|-0) ago
Definitely, I don't think it's even possible to top this one
[–] The_Penis_Wizard 0 points 25 points 25 points (+25|-0) ago
I could tell you about poopy butt.
[–] ShitlordedByFacts 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
Yeah, fuck it, I'm out for the night. I guess I won't be finishing this coffee either.
[–] SimonJ57 0 points 1 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago
There was one post where some guys friend had to use a towel, like a sling, to hold his whales leg(s?) so he could do the nasty.
There's the other story where a fucking fat whore is going into a hospital with stomach pains.
so it's already going to take 3-4 nurses to hold up the FUPA, and when they do, it's a disgusting smell. They need to use copious amounts of peppermint oil in facial masks to hide the smell. Now when they're able to over-come the smell, one of the nurses had to leave the room to call a doctor.
What they saw was practically a blackened mess just oozing from this ham.
It turned out to be a miscarriage. Someone was desperate enough to impregnate the ham, and thank fuck, nature averted a child in such a situation.
Some of us hope she died from sepsis from the event.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
[–] Podd 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
pepperidge farm does
[–] Jessee 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Maybe, do you remember the one with the duct tape?
[–] morbidly_teehees 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
it already is. This one has been around for a while, much like the duct tape on the walls to hold the buttcheeks apart.
[–] FattyHater 0 points 110 points 110 points (+110|-0) ago
The first time I read "her husband's mother": "that has to be a typo...."
The second time I read "her husband's mother": "um, please tell me that's a typo".
The third time I read "her husband's mother": "Jesus fucking Christ."
[–] leweb 0 points 41 points 41 points (+41|-0) ago
So, if both have huge fupas, how many parents would have to be involved?
My guess is all four. Two mothers to lift the fupas with brooms, and the two fathers to put one of them on a flat bed trolley and move it back and forth.
[–] FattyHater 0 points 12 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago
Bahahahaha omfg
[–] smoledman 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
ROFL!!!!
[–] Grave_Mercy 0 points 18 points 18 points (+18|-0) ago
Youre definately not alone. Ive read some fucked up shit here before but very little has left me this traumatized where I find myself saying out loud, "...no..nonono...no...omg...no...whhhhy?...no..."
[–] [deleted] 0 points 31 points 31 points (+31|-0) ago
[–] heyfattybomsticks 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
+1 Had to re-read just to be sure the "mother" part was correct. OMG. So wrong in so many ways.
[–] Sprintal 0 points 65 points 65 points (+65|-0) ago (edited ago)
Thin privilege is being able to copulate without parental assistance.
[–] thevenin 0 points 54 points 54 points (+54|-0) ago
Shit like this makes me wonder if they have any shame, but then I realize they've let themselves get so big. The shame has left the station a long time ago.
So disgusting. I hope they never succeed in their breeding.
[–] l23r 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
And if they do, that CPS gets involved.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 52 points 52 points (+52|-0) ago (edited ago)
[–] kellygreen 0 points 35 points 35 points (+35|-0) ago
That's gotta be borderline incest.
[–] whatever- 0 points 10 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago
i don't think a 400lbs woman could ever conceive, carry and/or give birth to a child anyway
[–] wut 0 points 37 points 37 points (+37|-0) ago
God damn, all this over the alternative of EATING LESS
[–] TreyAllDay 0 points 9 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago
Don't question fat logic. Otherwise the confusion will only grow.
[–] FreedomToast 0 points 31 points 31 points (+31|-0) ago (edited ago)
Fuck, why am I eating and reading FPH? I've lost all appetite for food.
I can't stop visualizing the broom being placed and the frictional forces flaking the paint chips off; which eventually come loose and float to the ground.
I hate you. Have an upvoat.
[–] FattyHater 0 points 24 points 24 points (+24|-0) ago
If like to know what the mother was doing. Was she watching or looking away? Were the two fuckers naked or just genitals out? Were they talking or making any noises?
[–] DietCokehead1 0 points 22 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago
I bet she was nagging & giving them instructions. "Go deeper, Billy. No, more to the left.."
[–] nikesandheels 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
I don't imagine she had to hang out for too long anyway. This whole ordeal couldn't take more than 5 minutes before all three parties were completely exhausted.
[–] Kotoran 2 points 11 points 13 points (+13|-2) ago (edited ago)
Reading this subverse is almost as helpful as diet and exercise when it comes to losing weight.
edit: a word
[–] HamathaMcBeetusButt 1 points 13 points 14 points (+14|-1) ago (edited ago)
Banned until you verify, prove you aren't ham
The journalist did catch you, and dude god damn
That dude doesn't play around, hes like a fathate detective
Finding you beetusy fucks is his given primary directive
Send a photo to modmail to prove you arent fat
With a name stamp of course, but you knew that
We would want to make sure a fatty doesnt use a humans photo
Imagine some shitlady seeing her pic being used, shed cry "oh no"
[–] journalistsarelazy 0 points 12 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago
/u/Kotoran wrote:
This isn't reddit.
Your comment implies that you are using fph to lose weight.
You have made this submission to askGoat:
I'm 6'4", 240lbs and I wear a size large shirt, is this odd?
Therefore, your BMI is 29.2.
Rule 2: no being fat.
@12_Years_A_Toucan
@Archangelle_Achtung
@HamathaMcBeetusButt
@homersimpson
@leelem0n
@shmuklidooha
@Space_ninja
@SportyStrawberry
@The_Penis_Wizard
[–] idreamofweenie 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
One of my greatest pleasures is getting off work at night, eating dinner and reading FPH...I've trashed more than one meal because of this.
[–] knitshitlady 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I'm skipping breakfast now
[–] dotty 0 points 25 points 25 points (+25|-0) ago
This is so disgusting, but hilarious at the same time. It's so funny that hams believe they are healthy and that their fat flops of skin are cute, yet need the help of a broom to make vaginal intercourse possible.
Also, wtf is wrong with her husband? What kind of dude thinks its ok to breed with a woman who requires a broom to assist in making her vagina accessible?