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[–] DietCokehead1 1 points 207 points (+208|-1) ago 

Congratulations, OP. I can already tell that this post will be one of those "Classic" FPH posts that Shitlords and Shitladies will be referring to months and years from now.

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[–] Thinspiration 0 points 168 points (+168|-0) ago 

Get mamma's fuckin stick.

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[–] farking_bastage 0 points 34 points (+34|-0) ago 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

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[–] RabbiShekelstein 0 points 13 points (+13|-0) ago 

Now in addition to "I wash myself with a rag on a stick" we have "I fuck my wife as my mom holds her fupa back with a stick".

It occurs to me it's weird that they hate "anorexic sticks" so much, sticks seem to be the only reason they accomplish anything.

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[–] prisonersandpriests 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

You know, when I pictured a woman saying that phrase I didn't think she was talking about a broom.

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[–] Jessee 0 points 32 points (+32|-0) ago 

Definitely, I don't think it's even possible to top this one

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[–] The_Penis_Wizard 0 points 25 points (+25|-0) ago 

I could tell you about poopy butt.

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[–] ShitlordedByFacts 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Yeah, fuck it, I'm out for the night. I guess I won't be finishing this coffee either.

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[–] SimonJ57 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

There was one post where some guys friend had to use a towel, like a sling, to hold his whales leg(s?) so he could do the nasty.


There's the other story where a fucking fat whore is going into a hospital with stomach pains.
so it's already going to take 3-4 nurses to hold up the FUPA, and when they do, it's a disgusting smell. They need to use copious amounts of peppermint oil in facial masks to hide the smell. Now when they're able to over-come the smell, one of the nurses had to leave the room to call a doctor.
What they saw was practically a blackened mess just oozing from this ham.
It turned out to be a miscarriage. Someone was desperate enough to impregnate the ham, and thank fuck, nature averted a child in such a situation.
Some of us hope she died from sepsis from the event.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] Podd 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

pepperidge farm does

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[–] Jessee 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Maybe, do you remember the one with the duct tape?

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[–] morbidly_teehees 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

it already is. This one has been around for a while, much like the duct tape on the walls to hold the buttcheeks apart.

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[–] FattyHater 0 points 110 points (+110|-0) ago 

The first time I read "her husband's mother": "that has to be a typo...."

The second time I read "her husband's mother": "um, please tell me that's a typo".

The third time I read "her husband's mother": "Jesus fucking Christ."

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[–] leweb 0 points 41 points (+41|-0) ago 

So, if both have huge fupas, how many parents would have to be involved?

My guess is all four. Two mothers to lift the fupas with brooms, and the two fathers to put one of them on a flat bed trolley and move it back and forth.

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[–] FattyHater 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

Bahahahaha omfg

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[–] smoledman 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

ROFL!!!!

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[–] Grave_Mercy 0 points 18 points (+18|-0) ago 

Youre definately not alone. Ive read some fucked up shit here before but very little has left me this traumatized where I find myself saying out loud, "...no..nonono...no...omg...no...whhhhy?...no..."

[–] [deleted] 0 points 31 points (+31|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] heyfattybomsticks 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

+1 Had to re-read just to be sure the "mother" part was correct. OMG. So wrong in so many ways.

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[–] Sprintal 0 points 65 points (+65|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Thin privilege is being able to copulate without parental assistance.

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[–] thevenin 0 points 54 points (+54|-0) ago 

Shit like this makes me wonder if they have any shame, but then I realize they've let themselves get so big. The shame has left the station a long time ago.

So disgusting. I hope they never succeed in their breeding.

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[–] l23r 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

And if they do, that CPS gets involved.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 52 points (+52|-0) ago  (edited ago)

[Deleted]

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[–] kellygreen 0 points 35 points (+35|-0) ago 

That's gotta be borderline incest.

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[–] whatever- 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

i don't think a 400lbs woman could ever conceive, carry and/or give birth to a child anyway

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[–] wut 0 points 37 points (+37|-0) ago 

God damn, all this over the alternative of EATING LESS

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[–] TreyAllDay 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

Don't question fat logic. Otherwise the confusion will only grow.

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[–] FreedomToast 0 points 31 points (+31|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Fuck, why am I eating and reading FPH? I've lost all appetite for food.

I can't stop visualizing the broom being placed and the frictional forces flaking the paint chips off; which eventually come loose and float to the ground.

I hate you. Have an upvoat.

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[–] FattyHater 0 points 24 points (+24|-0) ago 

If like to know what the mother was doing. Was she watching or looking away? Were the two fuckers naked or just genitals out? Were they talking or making any noises?

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[–] DietCokehead1 0 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago 

I bet she was nagging & giving them instructions. "Go deeper, Billy. No, more to the left.."

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[–] nikesandheels 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

I don't imagine she had to hang out for too long anyway. This whole ordeal couldn't take more than 5 minutes before all three parties were completely exhausted.

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[–] Kotoran 2 points 11 points (+13|-2) ago  (edited ago)

Reading this subverse is almost as helpful as diet and exercise when it comes to losing weight.

edit: a word

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[–] HamathaMcBeetusButt 1 points 13 points (+14|-1) ago  (edited ago)

Banned until you verify, prove you aren't ham

The journalist did catch you, and dude god damn

That dude doesn't play around, hes like a fathate detective

Finding you beetusy fucks is his given primary directive

Send a photo to modmail to prove you arent fat

With a name stamp of course, but you knew that

We would want to make sure a fatty doesnt use a humans photo

Imagine some shitlady seeing her pic being used, shed cry "oh no"

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[–] journalistsarelazy 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

/u/Kotoran wrote:

Reading this subreddit is almost as helpful as diet and exercise when it comes to losing weight.

This isn't reddit.

Your comment implies that you are using fph to lose weight.

You have made this submission to askGoat:

I'm 6'4", 240lbs and I wear a size large shirt, is this odd?

Therefore, your BMI is 29.2.

Rule 2: no being fat.

@12_Years_A_Toucan

@Archangelle_Achtung

@HamathaMcBeetusButt

@homersimpson

@leelem0n

@shmuklidooha

@Space_ninja

@SportyStrawberry

@The_Penis_Wizard

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[–] idreamofweenie 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

One of my greatest pleasures is getting off work at night, eating dinner and reading FPH...I've trashed more than one meal because of this.

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[–] knitshitlady 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I'm skipping breakfast now

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[–] dotty 0 points 25 points (+25|-0) ago 

This is so disgusting, but hilarious at the same time. It's so funny that hams believe they are healthy and that their fat flops of skin are cute, yet need the help of a broom to make vaginal intercourse possible.

Also, wtf is wrong with her husband? What kind of dude thinks its ok to breed with a woman who requires a broom to assist in making her vagina accessible?

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