I’ve worked in two different stores over several years now, one larger warehouse-type that saw a lot of lower income and food stamps, and now a swankier local neighborhood place that gets a lot of housewives and retirees. Over this time, I’ve learned a couple things that I just gotta get off my normal-sized chest:
- There is a direct and dramatic correlation between how people look and what food they’re buying. I am literally to the point where I can see a customer from some 20 feet away and without even seeing their cart, give stunningly accurate predictions about what they’re gonna buy. It’s become a bit of a game for me to test myself. And you guessed it, there is a direct correlation between fat people and certain foods. Trust me, it works like clockwork. I can nearly always see it coming a mile away. I promise, every kind of person, from which wines they’re getting to organic vs. regular veggies, each and every one of you is predictable.
- Tumblrina fatties claiming they eat clean, so many salads, so much chicken breast, much healthy, very 800 calorie starve? Bullshit. You can’t hide from your checkout girl. To build on the first point, I know what you’re gonna buy before you even get within smelling distance, and it ain’t our entire organic veggie selection. You are as predictable as your inevitable heart attack, and none of your delusional claims of healthy eating hold any merit. I know you think I’m just some minimum-wage loser, but I’m better at judging people than you think.
- On that note, lots of folks, especially ones as self-absorbed as fatties, think service personnel are invisible, that we don’t see you and what you buy, that we don’t recognize correlations. When I first started cashiering way back when, I lost 10 pounds in the first two months without even trying. You know why? Because I lost my appetite at some of the people and foods in my line. It wasn’t conscious decisions; but when you see certain things over and over again, with people who look like they’re oozing the last of their humanity out of their folds, you kind of just never want to touch them again.
- “Tee hee I’m having a big party this weekend, I don’t always eat like this but gotta celebrate tee hee!” why the fuck you lying why you always lying mmmmm oh my god stop fucKING LYING
- Literally nothing in my life has made me more health-conscious as working grocery. When you see these ridiculous correlations between physical appearance and cart contents time and time again, it becomes a visceral reaction to things. I never meant to judge people on their purchases; I started this work with really no strong feelings towards fat people. But now? Now I’ve had enough of their wads of wrinkled cash pulled out of grimy pockets. I’ve had enough of the way they consistently treat me worse than any of my other customers. I’ve had enough of their whining about how they couldn’t find whatever shitty processed frozen disaster they’re used to shoving down their gullets by the boxful. I understand fat people to an almost disgusting degree, because there’s no expectation in a grocery store; people come in wearing pajamas and buying all their most embarrassing vices. I see them at the points they’d never dare post on Instaham, with the foods they’ll swear they never eat.
- There is literally nothing quite so terrifying as an angry whale whose scootypuff battery has died in the middle of the center aisle. Pray for whichever cart boy has to find them a new one.
- If you get even the slightest hint that I'm judging you, trust me, I am. If you're in any way fat and you don't think I am, don't worry; I'm just good at hiding it.
Sorry for the length. Long time lurker, first time poster, but let’s just say today was a whale of a shift.
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[–] nikesandheels 0 points 27 points 27 points (+27|-0) ago
I spent many moons in the trenches of Starbeetus, and it's the same there. The abominations I served probably deserve their own inglorious post, but let's just say that baristas also play the "I bet I know what you're getting" game. You want a PSL with white mocha and extra whip? OF COURSE you do. If you had a new person that became a regular, you could literally watch them gain weight, then stop coming for a little while before they gave up on their diet and then come back. But the customers ordering unsweet tea and black coffee or americanos? You could count on them to show up sweaty after the gym every now and then, or on their way to the trails with their bike strapped to their SUV every saturday morning at 6 a.m. like clockwork.
[–] CatNamedJava 0 points 9 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago
I had to google what a PSL was...
[–] [deleted] 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
[–] FatJavalina 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
I'm a stereotypical white girl when it comes to pumpkin...so much that one of my friends put this on my facebook. I'm ashamed to admit I thought abbreviating it to PSL was clever.
Other than pumpkin spice, I go to Starbucks either for refreshers or light espresso frapuccinos with 2-3 extra shots of espresso. I might love espresso. But those are for evenings before going into work. I make my own morning coffee.
[–] Angxrs 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
The PSL with white mocha and extra whip sounds quite nice, but after your first one I can imagine feeling sick and bloated and never getting it again.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
[–] Corruption22 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I've had a fat barista from a different coffee shop be bitchy to me over my order once. I got a small, plain hot chocolate. No I don't want marshmallows....no really I don't want cream. So under her breath she said "interesting...." and rolled her eyes. I could tell she's sick of all the skinny bitches getting their reasonably sized drinks with no genetics.
[–] Fatkini ago
I would've cussed at her.
[–] TheGo2SWATking ago
Haha I'm glad I don't go there more often, otherwise I'm sure I'd get super-sized. Might try the americano though, I've had that at other places and it was pretty good. Any other healthy starbeetus drinks you'd recommend?
[–] nikesandheels 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
It's more rules of behavior than specific drinks. Most flavors come in syrup form, so you can ask for a pump or two in any drink. Give up on cream unless you want to come inside and do it yourself, because it just gets eyeballed. Some baristas' idea of "cream" is 1/3 of the cup full. You can always ask for something half sweet. Coconut milk is an option, but frankly I don't care for the way it tastes in coffee beverages...it's great in a hot chocolate though. The iced coffee tastes better with a shot of espresso in it.