Hi FPH, Shitlord nurse Alpaca at your service with another story from the nursing home. This time we'll be touching on the subject of beds.
All of our patients have the same bed. It's a regular sized bed, I think it's called a single. Approximately 36 inches wide. The bed can hold 660 lbs. It's adjustable, and it has ledges you can put up to prevent falling; You can make it go up, down. You can make one part go up, one part go down, so on and so forth. You get the picture. It looks something like this.
So, our patients don't tend to have a problem with the beds. Some might inquire about why they need to have the ledge put up ("to prevent you from rolling out in the middle of the night"). However, the people who do have a problem with the beds have all been exclusively fat.
.
The bed is too small.
We've already established that the bed is normal sized. It's not luxurious, but it's a normal sized one. You can sleep in it comfortably, and even roll around with few issues. Sam, however, had issues.
Sam is a fatty. He's in a wheelchair. He was fat before the wheelchair, and he will remain fat cause he eats like food will stop existing tomorrow.
Sam can't move his legs much, and he can't move one of his arms much either, so it's up to me and my collegues to change his diaper and stuff. It's about as fun as it sounds. We tend to smalltalk while doing this.
"So Sammy, are you feeling alright?"
"YEAH, BUT I HATE THESE BEDS"
"Aha?"
"The Bed is too small"
"Length?" (On top of being fat, he's tall)
"NO. WIDE. It's not WIDE enough! What are these tiny beds you guys have!?"
"The're normal sized.."
"No they're NOT. They're TINY. I DEMAND a bigger bed."
Well, they don't make bigger beds in our country, so poor poor Sammy will just have to sleep in his tiny tiny tiny tiny bed til the end of his days.
.
What do you mean the bed is broken!?
Tina didn't have any issues with the size of the bed. However, the bed had an issue with the size of Tina. To this day I'm still not sure exactly how much she was packing, but it must have been a lot.
Again, we have to change her cause she can't do it herself. I'm not sure what happens since I'm not in her room but all of a sudden I hear a metallic CRACK. We sometimes hear strange noises, so I thought little of it, until one of my coworkers poked her head into the kitchen where I was preparing dinner.
"Paca, we need help. Tina's bed is broken."
Wat. "What do you mean the bed is broken?" Those beds are sturdy. How the hell can you break it? We go into Tina's room and I see that the bottom half of the bed is somehow lower than normal. Another coworker is pushing the buttons on the bed in a panic, but the bed is stuck. Tina's laying on top of it like a stranded whale.
I make my coworkers lift Tina up so I can examine the bed. I try pressing the up button, and this time the lower half of the bed shoots up with a second metallic CRACK. Tina gets back on the bed, and we try pushing it up and down. As soon as it goes down the lower part gives away with the same crack as before. We lift her up, again, and do the same thing over.
In the end it turns out that while she's not too fat for the bed, she's too fat to make it get stuck if you push it too low. The bed frame plops down and gets stuck in all of the machinery at the bottom of the bed.
The amount of times I had to fix that stupid bed before she left our facility is too damn high.
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[–] Harry_Areola 0 points 34 points 34 points (+34|-0) ago
Your job is cleaning up fatties after they shit themselves? I'm so sorry.
[–] fabulousalpaca [S] 0 points 10 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago
Cleaning old people after they've shit themselves. It's okay when they're normal sized. Fatties though... Ugghhhhh
[–] President-Sanders 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Is it like... trying to clean out the crevice of a car seat? :C I can't even imagine the horrors.
Why don't you just change jobs? I could never do that.
Write a book about it at least.
[–] Pinkmushroomlover 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Curious question, do fat people take bigger shits?
[–] KnownUniverse 0 points 12 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago (edited ago)
by "left our facility", was it an HAES success story?
[–] fabulousalpaca [S] 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
Nah. She was just with us temporarily while her husband was away.
[–] Ezekiel_Balderdash 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Her feeder needed a break?
[–] ForgotMyName 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
OP plz, I can only hope.
[–] fabulousalpaca [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Nope, sorry :( Our facility can be used for short-term placement. For most patients it means that their SO can take a bit of a break (cause the patient is almost completely bed-bound or you know.. something that requires a lot of work and patience). Sometimes it's cause they're moving houses or.. whatever.
[–] stupidlikeafox 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
Break a bed with a capacity of 660lbs? You really have to have no shame to be a true obeast
[–] TessesFupaGouda 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
How I imagine your job Changing Fatties Diapers I'm sure it's much worse than that however.
[–] fabulousalpaca [S] 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
It's worse. The folds hide lots of poop. And pee. And fold mold. You think you're done, you flip a fold and heeyyyh more
[–] President-Sanders 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
fold mold.... *full body squeamish cringe*
ok awesome voat username, but I think the moment society had to coin that word we were doomed.
[–] NerdyNurse 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I understand you completely.
I am also a nurse in long term care. For the most part no one has a problem with the beds. They're on the smaller side of normal, but still really comfy. Have pressure ulcers? We'll get you a special mattress. Risk of getting out of bed and falling? Have a super special bed alarm. For years even the fat residents were fine with the beds. They went up and down, could be positioned properly, and staff could provide care.
Until Pear showed up. Pear had a slim face, but that was about it. At 5'2" and 280lbs, her lower half looked like a morphus blob of dough. Worse, she had a horrible coccyx ulcer and couldn't reposition at all. Because of Pear's inability to do shit, the staff were hurting themselves left right and centre. Because of Pear we had numerous people on modified duty, causing a ton of staffing issues. Because of Pear, the place I work at had to shell out a shit ton of money to get a bariatric bed, which did little to help ease the suffering of the staff.
Pear passed away a while ago, and while that bed is now being used for another fatass, I'm not looking forward to the day when we have to start replacing more of the normal beds with these monstrosities. Because fuck that shit.
[–] fabulousalpaca [S] ago
Ugh. I feel for you. That sounds absolutely awful.Fat people hurt more than just themselves. It's so hard to work with their bodies, and it requires a lot more strength and effort. Waste of space and effort.
[–] prisonersandpriests 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Being fat doesn't affect others! Just ask them! They'll tell you as you lift them and clean them!
[–] Fishgoose 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Oh wow. How do you even break a bed like that. All my whats. Also, you write very well. I like it. You should keep doing it.
[–] fabulousalpaca [S] 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Idefk. She was huge, but I didn't think she would break the poor bed like that.
[–] PrettyPeach 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
What a waste of space they all are. Normal sized old people are much more deserving of care and comfort.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)
[–] fabulousalpaca [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Yeah.. The fatties have lots of medical issues and less mobility than what they would've had if they had been slim.