I'm doing marathon training as part of my local running club and there are two hamplanet "fathlete" women who are going to "run" a marathon.
Okay, great! If I have to witness fat people in the wild, I like to see them trying to not be fat anymore (instead of, say, eating for 6 at a Golden Corral).
What I don't like to see is the fucking attitude.
You know... the club has hundreds of members, and take 1 guess which, out of those hundreds, has a facebook banner picture that is one of those, "I'm a runner not because I'm fast... or good at it... or try at all... but because I say I am!" Of course it's the fucking ham.
All of us in the training program... some of us have run 18 marathons, for a lot of us, this will be first... some of us have a 7:30 conversational pace, others closer to 10... but we're all extremely humble and supportive of each other. We're training together, not competing.
Guess which ones are the only people to ever say something like, "oh, we gotta beat so-and-so on this run!" That's right, only the fat people say things like this.
Guess which ones treat the fact that their GPS is fucked up and is reporting an extra half mile on their run as meaning they "ran even further" than the rest of us? That's right, only the fat people.
And which two people are always dead last? That's right, the fat people. Their running pace is equal to my walking pace.
Last night we did a 7 mile tempo run. I finished in about 1 hour flat.
These two started 40 minutes earlier than the rest of us. I passed them at mile 5.5. The last stretch was running the perimeter of a big open park, so I had a great view of the course from the finish area. I watched these two cut at least full quarter mile off the finish by cutting diagonally across the park.
When they finished, they started bragging about how they finished before the trainer did. You know, the trainer, who smoked me by 8 minutes in the last 10k race we did together and is purposely running with the slower folks to encourage them and keep them paced. The trainer who isn't running even close to a tempo pace.
"Oh let's go run <the trainer in>! He needs some help finishing the course! TEE HEE" they were squawking.
I wanted to punch them in their fat faces. This is why people hate fathletes. They're acting like they're even on the same planet, let alone the same level, as runners who aren't carrying an additional 50 or 60 or 100 pounds on their backs.
I'm sure a lot of runners would look at my pace and laugh at me, and I'm okay with that, because I know I'm not a competitive runner (yet). I'm not on the same planet as these guys. But I don't pretend to be. I admire them and ask for their advice. I certainly don't brag about finishing ahead of them when they're obviously running way below their ability to help some friends.
What is with fat people and bragging about things they shouldn't brag about? "I'm so cute, look at my curves teehee!!!" "I'm so fast, look at me, I did 14 minutes per mile this time!! TEE HEE!!!" God damnit, I hate that shit. Learn your fucking place and stay in it. You wanna brag? Earn the right to.
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[–] Swole_is_life 1 point 77 points 78 points (+78|-1) ago
I need to save this for the next time someone gives me crap about making fun of hams working out. I'm an avid fat hater, but you know what, if I see a ham actually working out I'll give them a pass. You know why this isn't fat sympathy? Because IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS. I have never in my life seen an actual ham seriously working out. The closest I remember was back in HS cross country, but those guys weren't really hams, they were 14-year-olds who had some belly fat for growing (they did finish growing a few years later and lost the weight).
So yeah, Imma say even here where I can get banned for it, if you're a ham and actually working out, I'll give you a big pat on the back. I can say this without fear of the banhammer because I know it will never happen.
[–] Snibbin 0 points 34 points 34 points (+34|-0) ago
I've seen a lot of hams at my gym... There is one that I've seen there a lot over the last 3 months and he appears to be taking it seriously, putting in effort, doesn't act like a shithead while there, and has lost noticeable weight over the time I've seen him. Maybe some day he will rejoin the human race. He is the only fatass I've ever seen at the gym that I have any real hope for at all.
[–] VegetarianZombie1 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
For lards like that one, I'll cut down on the hate. At least they're making an effort. But they still get hate because they let themselves get fat in the first place.
Respect comes when you reach a 24.9 BMI, not before.
[–] LazarusLong 0 points 32 points 32 points (+32|-0) ago
I think there are so few because any that do put in effort don't stay fat.
You have to catch them in transition, everyone else is just spinning their wheels.
[–] UnBlurredLines 0 points 10 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago
Can confirm. Was at gym yesterday, ham comes in and gets on elliptical. Lowers slope to 0 degrees and resistance to 1. I could exhale on the machine's handles and they'd rotate. She proceeds to jiggle on the machine for 10 minutes. Not a single drop of sweat was shed. She then grabs a .5liter bottle of coke to re-fuel.
Makes me wonder how she got obeastly.
[–] darthbrodin [S] 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
That's because hams who seriously work out regularly reverse their condishuns and change their juhneticks and become normal people again. Being fat and regularly "seriously working out" are mutually exclusive lifestyles.
Anyone who tells you "I work out so hard but I also eat a lot!" (e.g., stereotypical dadbod fatlogic when they claim the fat on their upper arms is actually muscle) isn't actually serious about their sport, because anyone who takes a sport seriously realizes how much of an advantage a low body weight is. Fuck, even powerlifters try to cut to the point where they are at exactly the cutoff on their weight class.
[–] GhostPoop 0 points 28 points 28 points (+28|-0) ago
You gave me a great idea. Fatlympics.
Watching those fat fucks who think they are athletes do a pole vault? Top kek right there.
Good luck with your marathon!
[–] antiplebbitor 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
And for motivation, when they run, they can be followed by aggressive Belgian Malinois who have been trained to attack fatties: run or else, hams!
Lava pit for the first five feet of the standing longjump.
Spikes beneath the pole vaulting ramp-up.
I'm sure we could turn this into a "sport" worth the watching...
XD
DEATH to HAMS!
[–] GhostPoop 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
We could just go with the RVB Olympics. Polar bears and heat seeking rockets.
[–] rakki ago
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2170666/Fattylympics-The-Roly-poly-Olympics-Contestants-WERE-game-laugh.html
[–] darthbrodin [S] 0 points 17 points 17 points (+17|-0) ago (edited ago)
I also forgot to mention that when I passed these fat hams, I said, "Hi ladies... nice evening for a stroll, right?" I was running 7:45 at the time. They were walking.
[–] Nujabes 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
What did they say?
[–] darthbrodin [S] 0 points 23 points 23 points (+23|-0) ago
gasp, huff, gasp, heave
Nothing. They were totally winded.
[–] kikibees 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
i totally heart your shitlordiness.
[–] GenevieveJenkins 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Lol. And they call themselves runners.
[–] Supersize_You ago
I love running past fatties though! I'm no way considered fast (~10min/mile) but passing those globular moving chicanes always end up with a jealousy stare.
[–] Phillyshitlord 0 points 14 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago (edited ago)
I love fathletes!!! Especially crushing their idea of what being an athlete entails.
I love sending their shot into the stands.
I love dunking on then like it's a lay up line.
I love outrunning an easy dribbler to first because they can't huff their fat ass off the bag and get back.
I love giving them a pre school juke move and watch them fall flat on their face when they try and tackle me.
I love making catch after catch and scoring TD after TD like I'm playing Madden on rookie.
There's very few things I love more than seeing a FAThlete wearing the opposing teams color and talking shit because of that one time they played 15 years ago.
[–] Duune24 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
The worst is playing soccer and having the fatties fight over who is going to be the goalie. It doesn't matter they can't dive or jump after the ball when it comes to them or they can't bend down to reach the ball. They are too fat or lazy to put enough effort into playing the game.
Putting them on the back defensive line is even worst, because they can't get back in a resonable pace to stop a scoring chance. So you are stuck with a 3 on 2 break, but our best athletes at forward can bust their ass all game long.
Watching fats play soccer is painful.
[–] Phillyshitlord 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I forgot all about that!!! Probably because I'm the goalie for my team so I don't interact with the other goalie that much. Whenever I see a fat goalie I know that we essentially only have to play good defense because we'll get several by him.
The only thing better is when the left or right back is the fathlete. Then every stop I get is a coffin corner punt because they always come up too far and our mids out run then for a 1 v 1 versus the goalie.
[–] DietCokehead1 0 points 9 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago
"I moved around for 10 minutes, therefore I'm an athlete! tee hee!"
[–] [deleted] 0 points 9 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago
[–] shdwghst457 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
No, if you're walking up the same set of stairs as a fathlete and skipping steps, then they walked up twice as many stairs.
Just kidding, they took the elevator.
[–] Kahlo 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
I managed to do a 15-minute mile yesterday for the first time in 5 years. I clearly deserve recognition more than some shitlord born into such ableist privilege. He should just send me the medals and be done with it.
[–] MuensterMonster 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
they found the joy in moving their body and being physically active, per the HAES principles. theyre challenging scientific and cultural assumptions about what it means to be an athlete. can't you see that they are fierce warriors whose health isnt determined by their ability to look and act like healthy individuals? /s
[–] fathater 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
[–] hotpocketweightloss2 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
It kind of reminds me of the 16 year old Mr. Universes you see in the gym every summer. Strutting around because they can bench 185 a couple times and quarter squat 225 for a rep. Learn to be humble, you damn kids. There's always someone stronger than you. And someone stronger than that person. And get off my lawn.
[–] kikibees 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
Omg, runner hams are so annoying. I took up running a few years ago and never felt comfortable calling myself a runner because of fatties. I was pulling 40-50 miles a week at the height and never talked about it.
Moved on to weight training about a year and a half ago and just last night had a totally amazingly muscular woman ask me if I do competitions. I was over the fucking moon. But I told her the truth, no I don't. I'm no where near her level, or her planet, in that way. And until I am, I'll just be flattered and keep my mouth shut.
[–] fuckredditcensorship 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Can I claim to be an astrophysicist? I have none of the qualifications necessary, but I'm gonna tell people that that's what I am. That makes it true, right guys?
Next thing they're going to start complaining because there aren't any hams in Nike commercials.
[–] 32DDbitches 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
So, I hear you're an astrophysicist...
[–] Knote 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
It really is childlike when you think about it lol.