Posted by: conchpearls1
Posting time: 1.8 years ago on
Last edit time: never edited.
Archived on: 5/19/2019 10:00:00 AM
Views: 1259
SCP: 89
89 upvotes, 0 downvotes (100% upvoted it)
~31 user(s) here now
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[–] vasilissa 0 points 33 points 33 points (+33|-0) ago (edited ago)
from what i see they're i think you're english could need some work.
[–] Gigglestick 1 point 30 points 31 points (+31|-1) ago
No, it happened.
In her head, 5 hours later, while she was eating her feelings.
[–] nobslob 0 points 9 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago
My fakometer was pegged at 12/10 for this one too. My instincts are saying it was at least a 2 liter of beetus and a family sized bag of cheetos to soothe the angry beast. I'm also sensing some corn dogs, and chips with gas station nacho "cheese".
I am the fat whisperer.
[–] CosmoMcKinley 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
I think that there were two family sized bags of Cheetos. One was consumed while driving to the gas station, one on the way back.
Incidentally, does anyone else have to suppress an eye roll when they see the current state of "family sized" food products? They're way off. These days that's snack sized for the waddlers. Family sized would barely fit in the trunk of a '59 Plymouth Fury.
[–] WD_Pelley 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
The French call this "staircase wit" but we all know that the fatty hates stairs.
[–] Warnos44 0 points 17 points 17 points (+17|-0) ago
Ew. She thinks she's a kitten. The mental gymnastics.
[–] racistbadger 3 points -1 points 2 points (+2|-3) ago
i dunno, my cat is pretty fucking fat. all she does is eat sleep and complain whenever nobody is paying enough attention to her. she also gets winded after about 2 minutes of activity. it sounds like a pretty accurate comparison.
[–] aretemis 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
Take better care of your cat, damn.
[–] WD_Pelley ago
Stop feeding your cat lasagna, John.
[–] satisfyinghump 0 points 11 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago
There is so much satisfaction, from doing this in person. Meaning, if you are unlucky enough to work with an orca who lies, waiting for her to finish the story in the middle of lunch and calmly replying "none of that happened. That story is fake." Brings some of the most satisfying anger ever felt!
[–] CognitiveDissident5 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Sounds like you're speaking from experience
[–] Belgian_boom 1 point 10 points 11 points (+11|-1) ago
Even if they're telling the truth, what a piss poor comeback. I just cringed myself out of orbit
[–] CognitiveDissident5 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Agree, it was fucking pathetic. If true, which I doubt.
[–] SlowResponseTime 0 points 9 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago
This assumes kids today would say Shamu by name and not just whale and would use it as an insult, but calling someone a Shamu instead of a whale is dated. That would not happen today, at least I've never heard it, and I work with kids. It smacks of a fat middle aged woman putting words in a younger person's mouth, the whole story does. I'm surprised no one came in at the end to put a "Quippy Witty Retort Queen" sash on her....maybe the community couldn't find a big enough sash.
[–] Anam 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago (edited ago)
Where 'without missing a beat' actually means 15 minutes after they left.
[–] CosmoMcKinley 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
Then Jason Momoa appeared, beat the boys senseless, gave her two hundred dollar bills and the shagging of her life.